


Now That You're Here

by fancypearl



Series: Now That You're Here [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ASL, Accidental Self-Harm, Alcohol, Alex is a smol little bab, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Drugging, F/F, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, John is a nurse, Kidnapping, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of conversion therapy, Minor Injuries, Non-binary Laf, Panic Attacks, Victim Blaming, eliza is such a mom bless her, hardcore crushin', if I had to sum up the last like 4 chapters.., it would be 'great googly moogly it's all gone to shit', mentions of abuse, mute alex, peggy loves the memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 55,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8916832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancypearl/pseuds/fancypearl
Summary: John is on his way home from a long day in the emergency room, when he accidentally hits Alex with his car. Alex is mute and has an intense fear of hospitals, and struggles to remember his own name. It's up to John to find out who he really is, and what he's running from.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP, but I really like what I have planned for it. That being said, I'm there will be referenced rape/non-con at one point as we find out more about Alex and what happened to him- but it will not be explicit because that's not my thing. 
> 
> If anymore warnings arise, I will add them, but the rating will not change

It had been a horrible day, the kind of day that would usually lead John to going home and chugging down a small glass of bourbon- or a large glass, considering how shitty his day had been. 

It was closer to the holidays meaning that the emergency room was full of all sorts of people. It seemed as if they'd had traumas every couple hours. A mom who'd had too much to drink at her office's Christmas party, who kept repeating she could drive 'just fine'. A dad who'd attempted to outdo the neighbors this year with the Christmas decorations, and fell off the roof; an old woman who swore up and down that she had been ran over by a reindeer, only to find out it had actually been the mom who'd had too much to drink at her office's Christmas party (that had been an interesting one). 

Not to mention, the student nurse John was mentoring, had thrown up on his shoes after he got one look at a guy who had fell on his tree, and got a Christmas ornament attached to his upper lip. 

After his incredibly long shift, John wanted nothing more than to leave and go to his small home, curl up on the couch and watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' until he fell asleep. 

But as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot, the ringing in his left pocket reminded him that he'd made other commitments. 

He mumbled to himself, as he pressed his phone to his ear, already knowing who it was without having to look at the phone. "Yes?" 

"Mon ami, hello!" Lafayette practically yelled, effectively making John's migraine even worse. "We have some issues that are in need of your assistance." 

"What's the issue Laf?" John sighed, looking both ways before turning onto the busy street. "I'm driving, so it will have to be quick." 

"Okay, for our watching of holiday movies tonight.. I have suggested we watch the movie about the reindeer with the glowing nose..." Lafayette explained. 

"Rudolph? Sounds good. What's the problem?" John asked, stopping at the red light and resting his head on the seat behind him. 

"Hercules has suggested we watch the movie, Die Hard.. Which, as you know, is not a holiday movie." Lafayette explained, and John could already hear Hercules protesting in the background. 

John groaned and brought his hand to his face. This was the same argument they had every year. Lafayette would suggest a festive movie, and Hercules would always suggest the movie Die Hard- which would lead to a very loud argument, which would lead to making up, which would lead to Hercules and Lafayette kissing on his couch, and John being left to watch whatever movie Lafayette had forced them into watching that particular year. 

"It is a Christmas movie, look it up on Google!" Hercules could be heard yelling in the background. 

"It has no festive undertones, at all!" Lafayette yelled back. "If it is not festive, it is not a holiday movie!" 

John had been so caught up in trying to listen to them both argue, that he hadn't even realized the light had turned green, until the car behind him laid on the horn. 

John gave a quick apologetic wave, before going back to his friends. "Okay, guys, I'm driving right now. The roads are pretty slick and I don't feel like going back to the hospital, when I just left there. We will finish this discussion when I get to your house. Bye." 

Before they could bombard him with their final arguments, he hung up the phone, tossing it in the passenger seat. 

X 

John lived in the suburbs, which both Lafayette and Hercules found ridiculous, because they claimed that no one threw parties in the suburbs- which could heavily disputed because his elderly next door neighbor had more noise complaints than anyone in the entire neighborhood. 

But after spending his entire childhood growing up in the country, and his entire college career in the city- the suburbs was a nice change. 

That being said, the long road that led to his house wasn't the easiest to drive down during the winter and pretty scary, considering it was surrounded by a wooded area. He didn't like to admit that it always messed with his nerves just a bit, and he had to play the music in his car loud- to help him keep his eyes on the road. 

He made this drive everyday, he reminded himself- it wasn't so bad. 

But, of course, his day would go from bad to worse. 

He'd dealt with people who hit other people with their cars before, some of them had stayed with the person the entire time- insisting that they had only looked down for one minute and then, before they knew it they'd hit a child- or someone on a bike. 

He'd even dealt with people who had left the scene, only to return to the hospital in tears, claiming that they didn't understand how this could happen because they were such cautious drivers. 

John had always had to suppress an eye roll because he never truly understood how you could accidentally hit someone with your car. 

But, it was true. John looked over at his phone, which had just alerted him of an incoming message, which was no doubt from Lafayette or Hercules, who would be telling him that they'd chosen to watch Rudolph AND Die Hard, because they were both Christmas movies. 

He didn't even pick up his phone, because he doesn't text and drive- he's smarter than that. But when he looked up from his phone, and back to the road- there was a man standing there. 

A man was standing in the middle of the road, like one of those cheesy netflix horror movies John watched with Peggy every Halloween. 

John let out a yell, that was more high pitched than he would care to admit. He slammed on the breaks, but he wasn't fast enough, and he hit the man in the road. The force of the car sent the man about three feet in the air, before his car came to a stop- nearly rolling into a ditch. 

He let out a shaky breath, and he could hear his heart beating in his ears. He slowly removed his sweaty hands from the steering wheel, as the realization of what just happened hit him harder than his car had hit the man. 

He had hit a person. Just like the mom who'd had too much to drink at her office's Christmas party... Just like the teenage girl he'd met last spring, who had been going too fast in a school zone- who didn't see a little boy crossing the road. 

"Oh, fuck." He whispered to himself, unbuckling and exiting his car slowly. He kept his calm, muttering only those words to himself, until he saw the man sprawled out on the icy road. "Oh, no. Fuck!" 

He hurried over to the man and dropped to his knees, finally getting a good look at him. He was about his age, maybe a few years younger. Scraggly shoulder length hair framing his face, large (really large) brown eyes staring up at him, and mouth was opening and closing, as if he was trying to form words but couldn't. 

He looked to be okay, he was guarding his left arm and he had nasty cut on his forehead that was slowly oozing blood, but John was more than relieved to discover that he was mostly fine. 

"I'm so sorry." John squeaked out. "Sweet Jesus- okay, so we gotta move you out of the road before another car comes, and I'm not supposed to move you if your injured badly.. So you got to tell me if you hurt anywhere else, okay?" 

Much to his dismay the man just fixed his eyes on John, but didn't say a single word. John didn't know what to do, as they made eye contact but the man stayed silent. He could feel his pulse picking up, but not because of the fear this time- he had to remind himself that it wasn't appropriate to be attracted to a man you just hit with your car. 

"Can you hear me?" John asked. "Can you understand me?" 

He nodded. 

"Okay, so does your arm hurt?" 

A nod. 

"Your head?" 

Another nod. 

John sighed, and he could feel himself shiver slightly despite wearing a coat. "Do you think you can move?" 

He nodded once more. John moved as quickly as he could, before any cars could come and make his day one of the most horrible days of his life. He wrapped his arms around his waist, and helped him to the side of the road. He took off his coat, realizing that the man was only wearing a thin long sleeve shirt. 

He placed it over his shoulders and the man looked at him strangely, before awkwardly sticking his arms through the coat sleeves, as if he hadn't seen a coat in his entire life. 

"Okay, so we're going to take you to the hospital... I work there it will be-" 

Before he could get the sentence out the man was shaking his head violently, and tugging on John's arm. He's wasn't saying anything, only whining- but John could see his mouth struggle around silent words as if he was trying to say something, but he couldn't. 

John realized then, that the man was mute- and he didn't have much experience on how to communicate with him, without pen or paper, and limited knowledge of sign language. 

But he could already see tears already streaming down his face, and John didn't know what to do. He could force him to go to the hospital, it wouldn't be hard, he was light and not very tall- he wouldn't be hard to carry. But he was crying at the very thought of going to the hospital, as if there was something there waiting for him. 

He was also most likely an adult, so he could choose to deny care- which would lead to him wandering the streets with a head wound. 

John struggled with this, looking at his car and then the man who is still clinging to his coat, blood continuing to drip down his face. 

"Okay, no hospital." John said slowly. "But I'm taking you to my house, it's too cold for you to be out here. I'm a nurse, I can offer you care. Is that okay?" 

He looked side to side, as if expecting someone to come out of the woods- and John felt a sense of dread overcome him as he realized he knows nothing about this man, and his situation is becoming even more suspicious. 

Finally he nodded, and John led him to the car, moving his stuff out of his passenger seat so the man could sit down. He reached back to his med bag, grabbing a large piece of gauze, and handed it to the man who, in turn, looked at it strangely. 

"Press it to your head." John pointed to his own forehead, and nodded when the man slowly pressed it against his wound, wincing slightly. 

John let out a shaky breath, and pulled his phone out, going to Hercules' contact and pressing the 'talk' button. He knew that Hercules and Lafayette could help him find out more about the man in his passenger seat, maybe find out where he lived- if he had loved ones. 

"Sup'?" Hercules said on the other end. "Are you coming over soon, we got the popcorn ready and everything. Laf even made their fancy French hot chocolate." 

"I need your help." John said after a moment of silence. 

"Dude, are you okay?" Hercules said suddenly. "Are you hurt?" 

John could hear Lafayette hurry over, and he realized that he was on speakerphone. He prepared himself for the screaming that was about to come, and took a breath. "I accidently hit someone with my car." 

Right away he can Hercules struggle with his words, and Lafayette screaming a series of French profanities that he can't quite understand. 

"DO YOU NEED US TO ASSIST IN HIDING THE BODY!" Lafayette screamed, finally finding their English words once more. "You are in need of a getaway country, I have France! I know of a small place in Nice we can all move there within the week, it will be hard at first, but with a bit of hard work-" 

"LAF!" He yelled, silencing the man. "He's alive, but he doesn't talk, just come over... Please." 

There's silence on the other end, and then Hercules speaks. "We'll be over in thirty." 

Hercules hung up the phone, and John looked at the man next to him; he was staring at him wide-eyed, and John realized that he probably just heard Lafayette- who had been more than prepared to hide his body and start a new life in France.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, with the help of Hercules and Lafayette, discover more about the mystery man 'Alex', but things are a bit more sinister than John originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved all the comments I got! I'm going to try to update as much as I can, because I'm on winter break :)

X 

The drive to John's house was tense, and John struggled with keeping his eyes on the road while watching the injured man sitting in his passenger seat- making sure he was still staying conscious. 

The man in question seemed to be more tense as the drive went on; John could see him shaking, shoulders hunched and he was moving so close to the passenger door that John was afraid he would attempt to jump out of the moving car. 

John found himself praying that the head wound would not require stitches. If that was the case, they would have to take him to the hospital because John could monitor him and check for a concussion, but he could not provide sterile sutures in his own living room. 

"Okay, we're here." John said, pulling into the driveway of the small one-bedroom home. "My friends Hercules and Lafayette will be here in a little while, but they're really nice and cool." 

The man didn't acknowledge that he had heard John, only turned his head to meet John's eyes once more. John could still see him shaking, and he hurried to get out of the car- walking over to the passenger side and opening the door. 

He gently placed his hand on the man's shoulder to help him out of the car, but before John could assist him, he jerked his shoulder away; he practically scrambled into the driver's seat, breathing heavily and shaking his head; he had both hands up as if he was waiting for an incoming hit. 

John took a couple steps back, slowly bringing his hand down. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? I promise. No one will hurt you, I was just helping you get out of the car- you may be dizzy due to your head injury." 

The man looked at John's hand, still shaking. He slowly reached out his hand, and John took it- helping him out of the car. John wrapped his arm around his waist, making sure to watch for ice as he helped him to his front door. 

When they entered the warmth of John's house, and he helped the man to the couch, he got a good look at his head. He could already see bruising start to form around the cut. After a quick examination of his eyes, John was more than happy to see both of his pupils were the same size and reacted well to light. 

"I don't think you have a concussion, but I'm going to have to wipe the blood around the wound- and it's going to burn a bit. Is that okay?" John asked. 

He nodded, and John hurried to the bathroom. He grabbed two rags, wetting them slightly, and grabbed the bottle of peroxide. Before he returned to the living room, he heard the door open from down the hallway and Lafayette's loud voice exclaiming, "mon ami! We've arrived!" 

John practically tripped down the hallway, in an attempt to keep Hercules and Lafayette from scaring the poor guy before he could explain that he gets frightened very easily. Before Hercules and Lafayette could turn the corner to the living room, John was already in front of them- pushing them back slightly. 

"Don't talk that loud." John said in a hushed voice, looking behind him to make sure that the man was still content on the sofa. John could see him thumbing through the magazines on his coffee table, looking around- he reminded John of one of the scared little kids in the emergency room. Everything seemed too big around him. 

"So what's going on, man?" Hercules whispered."You hit some dude with your car. Why don't ya just take him to the hospital... You afraid he's going to die?" 

"Just in case, I have garbage bags in the trunk of the car." Lafayette whispered, placing their hand on John's shoulder. "We are here for you, little John." 

John winced and shook his head, trying not to glare at Lafayette. It was ridiculous, but John knew that Lafayette was the type of friend who wouldn't let another friend go to jail. "Laf, he's alive. He's going to be fine... But he's mute, and I'm not sure how to communicate with him- and he's scared." 

"Well yeah, John, you just hit him with your car." Hercules scoffed. 

"Yes, I know I hit him with my car, Herc. I feel pretty bad... trust me." John rolled his eyes. "I mean- look, he acts like he's running from someone, he's scared to go to the hospital, scared to even let me touch him." 

"Holy shit." Hercules ran his hand over his head. "What if he's from a cult? I'm not getting into that shit. That's how you get possessed." 

"Ahh, yes. Like that movie we saw with the Peg last Halloween." Lafayette nodded, placing a hand on Hercules shoulder. "Sorry, my little John. I am also not fucking with that." 

"Shhh!" John snapped. "He's not from a cult. He's scared, and someone has made him scared- just help me figure out more about him, okay? And don't touch his shoulders or get too close, he frightens easy." 

Hercules and Lafayette looked at each other, but nodded and followed John back in the living room. John could see the man drop the magazine, and sit up straight, hands folded on his lap. 

"You can read that if you want, I steal them from the waiting room." John grinned. He was happy to see the man spare him a small smile, although his gaze fell suspiciously on Hercules and Lafayette- who placed themselves in the love seat besides him. 

"Okay, I'm going to sit down next to you and I'm going to wipe your forehead a bit. It's going to sting, but it will be really quick." John explained, sitting down next to the man. 

The man nodded, keeping his gaze on John. He cleared his throat quickly, as he tried to keep his eyes on the man's forehead. He was too aware that the man was still looking at him, and his eyes were a deep shade of brown. John could feel his face flush slightly. 

He pressed the washcloth against the man's forehead, wiping the blood away from the wound. With the other rag, he poured a bit of peroxide on it- and pressed it against the wound again. The man made no sound, but continued staring at John. 

Luckily, the wound wasn't that deep and wouldn't need stitches. John reached over and grabbed a small band-aid and put it on the wound. 

"It's not going to need stitches." John said. "How does your arm feel? Does it still hurt?" 

The man shook his head, and moved his arm as if to tell John it was okay. John could hear Lafayette whistling from the other side of the room. "You are a lucky guy, mon ami. You're the first to survive getting hit by John's car. Others? Not so lucky..." 

"Laf!" John hissed, shooting a glare at Lafayette who simply shrugged in response. John turned back to the man, who was raising an eyebrow now. "You are... the first person I've ever hit with my car." 

Hercules spoke up then, trying to stop the oncoming fight between Lafayette and John. "Do you know any sign language, any way you could communicate with us?" 

The man looked between the three of them, but he struggled to make eye contact with anyone other than John. He shakily lifted up his hand, making a writing motion. 

John nodded and reached down to grab a pen, and rip the back of the magazine off, so he could write something. He handed the paper and pen to the man, who nodded his thanks. 

"Okay, can you tell us what your name is?" John asked. 

The man nodded. His hand shook as he wrote out his name, in capital letters. 

'ALEX' 

"Your name is Alex?" John smiled. "My name is John Laurens, that's Hercules Mulligan- and that’s... we just call him Lafayette or Laf." 

"His name is too damn long for any of us to say." Hercules interrupted, and Lafayette sent him and indignant glare- pressing his hand to his chest. 

"Can you tell us your last name?" John asked. "It will help us find the people who could be looking for you." 

Alex hesitated, and he shook his head. John watched as he wrote: 'I DON'T REMEMBER MY LAST NAME. HAVEN'T FOR YEARS. NO ONE IS LOOKING.' 

John was at a loss for words as he read what he wrote. He didn't understand how someone could not remember their own last name, how there could be no one that Alex considered a friend. He turned to Lafayette and Hercules. "He says that he doesn't remember his last name... That there's no one looking for him." 

"Where do you live?" Hercules prodded. "Ya got a mom... A dad?" 

Alex's eyes widened, before he shook his head- his gaze going towards the ground. He wrote: 'MOM IS DEAD. I'M A BASTARD. LIVED WITH..." 

He stopped and John watched as his hand shook, and he was certain that the pen would fly out of his grip as his lip trembled slightly. John gently placed his hand on top of Alex's. 

"You don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to... You can rest." John soothed. 

Alex shook his head and wrote: 'BAD PEOPLE. GOT AWAY. THEY'LL COME AND GET ME.' 

John felt his blood run cold and he wasn't aware that Lafayette and Hercules were looking over his shoulder until he heard a gasp just behind him. 

"Little John... Perhaps we should call Eliza, maybe she could be of assistance." Lafayette whispered, their hand squeezing John's shoulder. 

"Yeah, she's a psychologist for these types of things- maybe she could help." Hercules pressed. 

John looked up at Alex, whose eyes were once again staring at him, full of fear this time. He could see the tears in his eyes and he clenched and un-clenched the pen in his hand. 

"We don't need anyone else scaring him." John dismissed, turning his attention back to Alex. "Alex, who are these people? Were you running from them?" 

"Did they hurt you, Alex?" Lafayette pressed. 

Alex's eyes darted wildly between Lafayette and John, before he dropped the pen completely and let out a silent cry which came out more like a high-pitched whine. He shook his head, pressing his hands against his ears. John could hear him struggling to breath as his chest rose and fell frantically. 

"He's panicking." John said, he wasted no time as he fell to his knees in front of Alex- placing his hands in front of him in a type of 'surrender'. "Hey, you gotta breathe, Alex. It's okay. No more questions, okay? You don't have to answer anymore questions." 

John made a mental note not to bombard him with so many questions next time, as Alex continued to try to breath, and his cheeks were turning a bright shade of pink. 

"Just breathe." As gently and slowly as he could, John grabbed Alex's hand and placed it on his own chest. "See like I am, in and out. It's okay. We won't ask you no more questions. We didn't mean to overwhelm you." 

Alex let out a quivering breath but nodded as he attempted to match John's breathing. John couldn't miss the way he winced, and pressed his hand against his abdomen. 

John waited until he calmed down before asking about the abdominal pain. "Does your stomach hurt?" 

Alex hesitated before, looking down and nodding. 

"It's fine, Alex. Is it okay if I look at it?" John asked. "I want to make sure you're okay, but you'll have to take off your shirt." 

John couldn't help but look down and flush slightly, and he cursed himself for that last part. He saw Alex look at Hercules and Lafayette and the two immediately understood. 

"It's not problem, me and Laf will just wait in hallway." Hercules smiled gently, as Lafayette nodded. John watched as the two of them exited the living room. 

"Okay, it's just us. Just take off your shirt and it will be quick." John said quietly. 

Alex hesitated, but took off his shirt slowly. John had expected some bruises, maybe across the abdomen- but what he saw was much worse than what he could imagine. 

He was bruised, John could see that clearly. But he was bruised across his back, on his shoulders, abdomen, and chest. They were a variety of colors; there were blue, greens, and yellows- even brown bruises. 

The most insidious thing, had to be the hand marks around Alex's arms, as if someone had held him down. John could feel his mouth go dry, and his fingers twitch slightly. He cleared his throat, not wanting to scare Alex. 

"You.. Um.. Look just fine." John said, his voice an octave higher than usual. "You can put your shirt on, I'm just going to tell Laf and Herc they can come back in." 

Alex nodded, and gingerly slipped the shirt on. 

John stood on shaky feet, and walked into the hallway where Lafayette and Hercules were standing. Without a word, he motioned them away from the living room and further down the hallway. 

"He's bruised." John said simply. 

"Okay so should we.. Take him to the hospital?" Lafayette asked. 

"No, you see, the thing is that these bruises are old." John said, clearing his throat. "Some of them a couple weeks old. It's like something I would see when a four year old comes in with their fourth broken bone this year." 

"Someone's hurt him." Hercules stated. 

John nodded. "There are hand prints all over his arms, someone's hurt him quite a bit." 

"What do you want to do?" Lafayette asked. 

John took in a shaky breath. 

"I'm going to call Eliza."


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza comes and is an actual saint; the squad has a rad slumber party, because Alex loves Peggy; Alex loves pancakes; Eliza is an even bigger saint who is a big fan of ASL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, I'm going to start updating weekly- I just wanted to write this chapter :)

X 

"I only asked you to come!" John hissed quietly, as he ushered in all three Schuyler sisters. He had only asked Eliza to come, but sure enough Peggy and Angelica stood at her side, both of them shivering in the cold weather. 

"I know, John, and I'm sorry. I was on my way out, and they begged to come with me- and I couldn't say no... Just look at this face." Eliza smiled apologetically, and pressed both of her hands against Peggy's cold cheeks, squishing them together. 

"Anyway, Jonathan, don't act like you don't love us." Angelica batted her eyelashes, resting her head on Eliza's shoulder. "We thought we could provide a comforting hand for your friend." 

John sent Angelica a glare at the full use of his name. He didn't want to overwhelm Alex anymore than he already was, and he was sure that while the sisters meant no harm, there would be too many people surrounding him. 

He was also aware that he failed to give any details over the phone. 

"I just don't want too many people overwhelming him... He panicked about an hour ago." John explained. "I was hoping that you could, coax a bit more out of him- or at least let him know that he's safe here." 

Eliza nodded solemnly and glanced into the living room. "I'll do what I can, John. But if he's not comfortable enough to talk, there's not much to be done. It's hard to get anything done in one night." 

"Why don't you just go introduce Alex to Eliza, Angie, and Peggy." Lafayette offered. "We can stay out here while Eliza talks to him, to keep him from getting overwhelmed." 

"Le petit croissant is right." Peggy nodded, standing on her tiptoes so she could rest her arm on Lafayette's shoulder. 

"Thanks, Margaret." Lafayette responded. 

"Ehh, low blow." Peggy pouted. 

John hesitated, but then nodded slowly. He motioned for the girls to follow him in the living room, leaving Hercules and Lafayette to retreat to the dining room while he introduced Eliza to Alex. 

John could see Alex visibly relax, his shoulders growing less tense and his hands resting on his knees when he saw the three sisters. The three could make anyone relax when they walked into the room; Eliza was kind and soft, more like a mother to them all. Angelica was a bit more intimidating, with her 'no-nonsense' attitude, but her protectiveness was welcomed. 

Peggy was funny and bubbly, more like a younger sister to those who knew her. 

"Alex, this is Eliza, Peggy, and Angie. I think they should be able to make you feel better." John explained to Alex, who had sent him a questioning glance when the girls had walked in. 

"I just want to talk a little bit, see if I can do anything for you." Eliza said gently, sitting down next to Alex. John could already see him tense up again and his breathing become more frantic, when Eliza suggested talking some more. John felt a pang of guilt. He hadn't meant to overwhelm him so much with the questions- he had only wanted to help. 

Peggy seemed to notice this, because she pulled her phone out of her pocket and flipped through a few pictures, sitting on the other side of Alex. "If it gets too much to handle, I have some hilarious memes, that should cheer you right up." 

Alex looked over at her, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly agape. Peggy looked taken aback at his lack of knowledge about memes, but she shook her head anyway. 

"They're like... viral internet images." She struggled to explain. John could see her give up, before handing Alex her phone. He held it awkwardly in his hands. "You seem more like a Pepe the frog kinda guy." Peggy nodded to herself. 

John stood there quite awkwardly, until Angelica turned to him- giving him a comforting smile. "Just leave us to it, John." She said softly. 

John returned the smile, and slowly backed out of the room. He walked across the hallway, and into the dining room, where Lafayette and Hercules were sitting in silence. 

He sat down and rested his head on his folded arms, letting out a loud sigh. He didn't have to look up to know that both Lafayette and Hercules were staring at him now. 

"Is something bothering you, Little John." Lafayette prodded. 

John slowly lifted his head up, and ran a hand through his hair- which was now almost completely out of the ponytail he'd put up for work. "I really don't know what to do. I hit someone with my car... That should be it. But, poor Alex, I don't think he has anywhere to go." 

"It's a sticky situation, John." Lafayette agreed. "But Hercules and I were having a chat. In the morning we can stop by the police station, describe Alex- see if anyone has reported him missing." 

"But, I gotta say, without a last name- it's kind of hard to narrow it down. I'd assume there are a handful of people by the name of 'Alex' who'd gone missing." Hercules added. 

"He's mute, though. That narrows him down from the rest." John spoke up, suddenly hopeful. 

"But has he always been that way, or is this something he's developed." Hercules shook his head. John loved him but sometimes his realism sure did kill his optimism. "Maybe it hasn't always been this way." 

"Also what if we cause Alex to be in even more trouble, John." Lafayette spoke up. "If someone is out there looking for him, he automatically is put in even more danger. He got away from someone, we know this." 

John felt his blood run cold. He hadn't thought about the fact that there was someone out there, who wanted to do Alex harm. The selfish part of him worried that whoever was out there, would do harm to himself and Alex. 

"We'll just explain this to the police- explain that Alex is in no shape to talk." Hercules explained. "Hopefully, they will understand." 

They all grew quiet, sitting in silence for nearly a half-hour until John saw Eliza standing in the doorway. He perked up, but deflated when he saw Eliza shake his head. 

"So?" Lafayette asked. "How did it go." 

Eliza shrugged. "He said the same thing he said to you guys. Someone was after him, he escaped... They were bad guys." 

"The same exact thing." John agreed. 

"It's like there's a hole in his memory." Eliza sighed, looking behind her, where John assumed Peggy and Angelica were still talking to Alex. "It's not uncommon. He could have been kidnapped at a young age, or he could have suffered head trauma during captivity." 

"Amnesia?" John asked. "But it usually comes back, eventually." 

"It's not uncommon with emotional trauma, some people block out the parts they don't want to remember." Eliza explained. "Maria does it." 

Eliza's eyes were always hard when she talked about what her girlfriend had went through prior to meeting her. "The parts she doesn't want to remember, she just forgets. Our memories are complex like that, they are not like video clips- they can be molded very easily." 

"Can you find out how long he hasn't spoken?" John asked. "Maybe that could help us-" 

"I'll ask another day, John." Eliza cut him off. She did not say it rudely, and she had a small smile playing on her lips. "The poor guy is tired, he's had a rough day." 

"You did hit him with your car." Lafayette nodded. 

"You will never let me live this down, will you?" John sighed. 

Lafayette shook their head and scrunched their nose. "No, I'm afraid not. It's a nice little victory, I must admit- after years of little John saving lives, he hits someone with his car." 

John rolled his eyes, and stood up, following Eliza back to Alex. He knew that Alex would have to stay at his house until they figured out what to do. As for as John knew, he had nowhere else to go. John could have easily sent him to a homeless shelter, but he could never be that cruel. It would be more than difficult for him, with no way to communicate and frequent panic attacks. 

Lafayette and Hercules were following behind him, keeping their distance as they watched Peggy show Alex more things on her phone. 

"This one is a good one, Alex." Peggy explained, laughing. "You misspell food names, and then you misspell the word Bon Appetit. See this one says.. Blonde amputee. It's a play on words." 

Lafayette nearly choked behind John, breaking into a loud cough. When he cleared his throat, his voice was shriller than John had ever heard it. "That is not funny! What kind of me-me is this, Margaret? This is an attack on the French language." 

"No." Peggy shook her head, narrowing her eyes. "It's an attack on people who say 'me-me', you French baguette." 

John barely suppressed a chuckle as he watched the two of them argue back and forth. He was afraid that the argument would upset Alex, but he could see his eyes grow heavy. John cleared his throat to grab their attention. 

"This is a nice argument, but I think we should probably let Alex sleep." John acknowledged, nodding his head towards the person in question, who was still trying to keep his eyes open. 

"John is right." Angelica yawned. "I'm getting pretty tired as well." 

Peggy gently put her hand on Alex's shoulder. Much to John's surprise, he didn't jerk away from her touch but, instead, he seemed comforted by it. "I'll see you soon, Alex. I'll have more memes for you when I come back." 

Peggy stood, stretching slightly, before going to follow behind Eliza and Angelica. But before she could walk away, Alex grabbed her hand and shook his head, he made a small whining sound. Peggy looked at Angelica and Eliza, who'd stopped at the doorway. 

Alex was staring frantically at the three of them, and then back to John- shaking his head. 

John understood. He'd only met Alex that night, and whoever had harmed him had most likely been male- if Alex's reactions to the three men had anything to say about it. The first time that night he'd ever seemed even the slightest bit relaxed, had been with the three women. 

"Why don't you guys stay here tonight." John said slowly. "Hercules and Lafayette can stay upstairs in my room, I'll take the couch.. And you guys.." 

"We can lay on the floor with Alex... If that's okay with him." Eliza offered, looking at Alex for approval. She smiled when Alex gave her a small nod. 

"We're special, Herc- we get the entire upstairs to ourselves." Lafayette smiled at their boyfriend, who gave them a thumbs up in return. 

"Only because you will talk all night and keep us up." John grumbled. "By the way, please don't make-out on the bed, I don't want my sheets all messed up- they're new." 

"Don't worry, John." Lafayette said over their shoulder, turning around to walk out of the room. "I don't make-out with anyone who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie." 

It took Hercules a minute to process what Lafayette had said. When it finally hit him, he went after Lafayette in a hurry. "Babe, I thought we were over this!" 

X 

It was dark in the room, the only light was that of a nightlight that Peggy suggested they put in- just in case Alex was afraid of the dark; other than the slight snoring from Angelica (which John would never tell her about), it was quiet. 

Despite this, John could not sleep. He wasn't sure if it was because of the rough couch cushions or maybe it was because his mind was moving a hundred miles per hour. He kept looking at Alex who had his back turned away from Peggy. 

Even in his sleep, he didn't look relaxed. John could see him turn his head every few minutes, and he was gripping the pillow that John had given him to lay on; he seemed to prefer the feeling of lying flat on the floor instead. 

John had been scared at first, letting a stranger stay in his house- maybe that was why he had Lafayette and Hercules stay the night as well. He blamed it on his obsession with the crime scene shows that always depicted the seemingly innocent hitchhiker, robbing the person who had cared enough to pick them up. He'd half expected Alex to wake up in the middle of the night, take some stuff, and leave a note that said 'haha, jokes on you, jerk! Thanks for hitting me with your car!' 

He felt bad for thinking that, because looking at Alex, and how he acted- he was harmless and scared. Now the only fear John had was that someone would come back to harm him in the middle of the night, and Eliza, Peggy, and Angelica would happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

John took a deep breath, calming his nerves. He always thought of the worst possible scenario. He blamed it on being a nurse, he'd seen situations go from bad to even worse in a matter of minutes; he had seen things go from good to terrible in a matter of seconds. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a whimper below. He sat up slightly and saw Alex turning his head in his sleep, clenching the blanket below him. John automatically knew that he was having a nightmare, and he was prepared to wake him when he heard him gasp quietly. 

But before he could even get up from the couch, Peggy had turned. She wrapped her arms around him, not even waking up. Alex quieted then, and settled back to sleep. 

For some reason, that small interaction calmed John's nerves- and he soon followed, his eyes growing heavy and his brain finally shutting off. 

X 

When John woke up in the morning, it was just him and Alex in the house. He expected Alex to be awake, perhaps nervous that it was only him and John... But Alex was still asleep. John had watched him quietly, making sure he could still see his chest rising and falling before he got up and made his way to the dining room. 

Much to his surprise, there was a stack of warm pancakes on the table. Without even reading the letter that was placed by it, he knew it was Lafayette's doing. They had used the good china his father had sent him (the last thing he'd sent him), and only Lafayette would be kind enough to wake up at the crack of dawn and make pancakes. 

John picked up the letter: 

'Dear John, 

Herc, the girls, and I have left to do some quick morning shopping- and stop by the police station to report about Alex. Please enjoy the pancakes I have made for you and Alex. I also used the fancy plates you never bother to use, because you only ever use those plastic monstrosities. I hope you do not mind. 

Love, Lafayette' 

John rolled his eyes and put the letter back down. He assumed that the others would pick up something to eat before shopping, and couldn’t understand why Lafayette had made an entire stack of pancakes. 

He heard the sound of footsteps and looked up to see Alex peeking around the doorway. He was looking at John wide-eyed, not quite standing in the dining room. John saw him gazing at the food on the table, and he opened his mouth and closed it quickly- before looking down and turning to walk away. 

"Hey... You can come in and eat if you want." John said quickly. "I know you didn’t have anything to eat last night, and I can't eat all of these by myself." 

Alex turned back around and slowly shuffled in the kitchen, his arms firmly at his sides. He stopped just in front of the dining room table, looking at John as if he needed permission to sit. John stared at him for a few seconds, before he realized he was waiting for him to speak. 

"You can sit. Help yourself." John smiled. 

Alex sat down, and John followed. He grabbed a pancake first, placing it on the plate and pouring some syrup over it. He took a small bite, and watched as Alex slowly grabbed a pancake and placed it on his plate. He looked at John, and then back down on his plate- then he grabbed another. 

And another... 

Another...   
John didn't say anything as he placed five pancakes on his plate- leaving only two more on the serving plate. He figured that Alex's eyes were probably a bit too big for his stomach. 

He was proven wrong when he dug into the pancakes, stuffing them into his mouth with his fingers, and seemingly forgetting about the fork that Lafayette had so kindly placed on the table before leaving. He hadn't bothered to even put syrup on them, instead he opted for eating them plain. 

John hadn't realized he was staring, until Alex looked up, half of a pancake still sticking out of his mouth. He paused, and his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He took the half-eaten pancake out of his mouth, and dropped the other one that was in his hand. 

He looked ashamed. 

John realized then, that the he had no idea when was the last time Alex had anything to eat, at least anything that actually made him feel full. He was lanky and skinny, and his hands shook whenever he did anything. John had seen neglected children in the ER, he'd seen homeless men and women. We you do not have food, you eat as though you will never see it again. 

"I-I'm sorry." John said suddenly. "I didn't mean- you can eat as much as you want, Alex. You're okay." 

Alex nodded, but John couldn't miss the way he slowly picked at the food, eating it a bit more cautiously than he was before. 

"Have you had anything... to eat recently?" John said slowly. 

Alex looked down before shaking his head, swallowing his food and placing some more in his mouth. 

"Well.. eat up, and you can have a shower- and I have some clean clothes for you to wear." John smiled. "They may be a bit too big but I'm sure it will be nice for you to get some new clothes on." 

Alex nodded, and he jumped slightly when he heard the front door open, and Eliza come rushing in, a bag of books in her hand. The others came in behind her, grumbling about how they had to carry all of the grocery bags while she was only carrying a stack of books. 

"I found some books while we were shopping." Eliza said, breathlessly. John watched as she pulled a couple out of the bags, and he smiled. She had bought books about sign language, and she handed them to Alex who wasn't quite done eating. 

"I already know sign language, and I thought you could learn, it will take a handful of lessons.. Only if you want." Eliza said, adding the last part as if it were an afterthought. 

Alex's eyes widened but he nodded slowly, and John watched him run a hand over one of the book covers. Eliza had really went all out; she had books about letters, books that looked like they were more for children, and books that were for adults. 

"That'd be great, Alex." John smiled. "You could learn sign language with Eliza and then you wouldn't have to write everything down." 

John stood, but before he could leave the table Eliza was already pushing him down. "Nope. John Laurens, you will learn as well. Until we get this situation under control, you need to understand what he's trying to tell you." 

John chuckled slightly and mumbled a 'you're right'. 

Eliza was going to teach them sign language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment! 
> 
> Fun fact: I really love the bon appetit meme, but I'm friends with my french teacher on facebook and I can't share my love for it to my pals- because I am ashamed.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week and a half has passed and Alex is trying his best to warm up to John; they play in the snow and things get cute; Lafayette comes and insists they take Alex shopping because the poor guy needs clothes that fit... John can't help but think there is at least 1,000 ways this can go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have 16 chapters planned for this.. and an epilogue so 17 all together. I actually planned every chapter out, so hopefully I can update every week- probably Mondays. 
> 
> Note~ There is a week and a half from the last chapter. I was a little worried about moving things too fast, so Alex is making progress but also digressing at times, as is normal. As for the sign language, I really needed an efficient way for them to communicate- but he's not completely there yet.

John was endlessly impressed by just how quickly Alex had taken to learning sign language. After a week and a half of Eliza coming everyday to give them lessons, Alex seemed to pick it up as if he'd known it all along. John half wondered if perhaps he once knew sign language, before he lost (or blocked) most of his memory. 

John found himself being a little envious of Alex's knack for it. He found himself struggling with following the rapid hand movements he communicated with, having to ask him and Eliza to stop so he could interpret it. Despite Alex flourishing with the sign language he still had a lot to learn; it had been Peggy's idea to buy him a small dry-erase board so he could communicate anything he didn't quite know in sign language. 

After a week and a half of one of the girls staying over at the house, Alex seemed to grow a bit more comfortable with John. Although, John could still see him tense whenever he drifted too close- and Alex never fell asleep before him. 

There were nights where John would act like he was sleeping, and he would hear Alex shuffle in his room- watching to make sure he was asleep before retreating to the guest room John had set up for him. 

But Alex still had nightmares- John could hear him whimpering and thrashing about every night. John had attempted to go into his room once, to calm him down- but he had locked the door. 

He wasn't offended by it, not in the least. This whole situation was bizarre and unique, and Alex barely knew John. It would be awhile before he trusted him, and it was a miracle that he was comfortable enough being alone with him. 

They usually stayed in separate rooms, and Alex moved so quietly that if he walked out one day without John knowing, he probably wouldn't realize.   
Alex was in the living room when John walked out of the kitchen that particular morning, he was curled up on the couch- head resting on his folded arms as he looked out the window. John walked up behind him, careful to keep his distance as he leaned down to glance at what had caused Alex's look of astonishment. 

He wasn't surprised to see that a sheet of snow had covered the ground overnight, and more continued to fall in front of his very eyes- large flakes blending in with the snow that was already on the ground. 

John chuckled as he watched Alex's eyes widen, taking in the layers of untouched snow. Alex narrowed his eyes slightly and looked at John, cheeks turning a shade of pink when he realized that John had been chuckling at his reaction. 

"That's a lot of snow..." John said lamely, taking a sip of his coffee. "Would you like to go outside, and play in it?" 

John winced at his own foolishness. He'd asked Alex if he wanted to go outside and play in the snow like they were children on a snow day, and not to grown adults sitting in the house on a winter's day. 

But when John looked back at Alex his eyes were even wider. John watched as he placed his hands against the window, and then looked back at John. He nodded slowly at first, and then more vigorously- as if he'd never seen snow up close; John figured he probably never had the privilege of witnessing it first hand. 

"Would you like that?" John smiled. 

Alex hesitated for a minute, his hand reaching down to grab the dry-erase board next to him, and the marker that was attached to that. Instead, he lifted up his hand and signed, 'I would like that.' 

John chuckled. "Okay let me go upstairs and see if I can find a spare coat you can use, I don't want you to get a cold and I don't think that long sleeved shirt you have will cut it much longer." 

Alex nodded, turning his attention back to the outside and John hurried upstairs to see what he could find. 

Luckily for him, he was what Lafayette called a 'clothes hoarder', in which he kept all of the clothes he'd outgrown just in case he was ever in need of them. Hercules and Lafayette had threatened on many occasions to go through the clothes and take it to a nearby clothing donation drop-off. 

John wishes that they were there now, so he could rub it in that he had needed them in the end. He grabbed everything he figured Alexander would need, long-Johns, a sweater, and a coat- he grabbed a couple scarves for good measure, as he was sure that Alex hadn't had much experience with cold weather and he didn't want him getting ill. 

When John went downstairs and handed the clothes to Alex, he looked at them like they were completely foreign to him. John frowned when Alex placed them on the couch, reached down to grab his board and wrote: "What am I supposed to do with these?" 

It was funny how John learned more things about Alex without him even remembering. He knew from having to explain the importance of dressing for the winter, that he most likely wasn't from a place that had snow- and he wherever he had been held, he hadn't been able to leave... Ever. 

It became easier for John to understand why Alex had been standing in the middle of the road the day that John had met him. 

John escorted Alex to the bathroom, as he put on his own coat, gloves, and scarf. When he turned around, he had to suppress as laugh when he saw Alex.   
Even though John had outgrown the clothes, they were still slightly too big on Alex's frame- and the pants were too long for his legs. John could see where he had attempted to roll them up on the bottom. Even more, he could barely see Alex's face underneath the coat and scarves, only seeing a pair of big brown eyes peeking up from the top of scarf. 

He looked adorable, but John tried to shoo away that thought before he could even recognize it as an actual thought. 

"Let's go on outside." John said, clearing his throat so his voice stayed low- instead of going up an octave like it tended to do when he became flustered. 

Alex nodded, and John led the way- opening the door so he could walk (more like waddle with all of the winter gear) outside. 

As soon as he came in contact with the falling snow, he held his hands out, letting small snowflakes fall onto his gloved hands- his eyes widening whenever he saw it melt away as quick as it came. 

John watched as he made his way to the yard, still looking up at the sky. He found himself happy that most of his neighbors were at work, so they wouldn't walk outside to see two adults acting like children on a Christmas morning. 

Although, John couldn't find it in his heart to care that much, because Alex was most likely experiencing this for the first time, or at least the first time he could remember. 

John watched as Alex leaned down, grabbing a handful of snow and holding it in his hand. He was expecting Alex to simply let it drop to the ground, but before he knew it, he had a handful of snow in his face. 

He grew silent as he wiped the snow from his face, the coldness already biting into his cheeks. He was shocked that Alex had been comfortable enough to throw snow in his face. But when he looked up he could already see Alex looking down, backing away slowly as if he'd made a grave mistake. 

"If you're going to throw snow in my face, at least do it right." John smirked. He leaned down and picked up a handful of snow, rolling it into a ball, and sticking his hand out so Alex could see it. "Like this." 

He threw it gently, not wanting to come off as aggressive towards Alex- who seemed to rightfully be taking three steps forward and four steps back everyday.   
Alex smiled, a genuine one that made his eyes crinkle. He leaned down, grabbing a handful of snow and doing with it what John had just demonstrated- and he threw it. 

They must have been quite a sight, staying in the exact same spot and picking up balls of snow to throw back and fort, neither one of them throwing all that hard John realized had this been Lafayette or Hercules, there would have been a lot more running and shouting- and one of them may have been in tears by the time it was done. 

But Alex seemed content, and after a dozen snowballs between the two of them, he fell to the ground. He let out a soundless laugh, closing his eyes. John had to pull himself away from staring, as he noticed just how pink Alex's cheeks became. 

Alex sat up, looking towards the sky in thought before signing, 'I want to go inside. I am.." He stopped then, not quite knowing the word he was looking for.   
He shivered. 

"Cold?" John questioned. 

Alex nodded. 

John held his hand out, giving Alex the opportunity to grab it but not wanting to overstep his boundaries. Alex accepted his hand hesitantly, and allowed John to effortlessly help him to his feet. 

They both walked inside, Alex mimicking the way John stomped his feet at the door to get the snow off of his boots. 

"I'll go make us some-" 

Before he could finish the sentence, Alex sneezed. The first real sound John had heard him make, other than a whimper when he had nightmares or grew nervous. 

His cheeks grew pink once more when he realized John was staring at him. John shook his head. "I'll go make us some hot chocolate to warm you up." 

Alex smiled and made his way to the dining room, taking his coat off his coat as he went. 

John used the instant cocoa powder that Lafayette would probably call a 'disgrace' because they made their fancy French recipe with toasted marshmallows and graham crackers, or whatever. John really didn't care. He had to remind his French friend that he was living on a beginning nursing salary which, contrary to popular belief, wasn't that great. 

John carried two mugs back to the dining room. He placed one in front of Alex who automatically lifted it in his hands and took a big sip. John winced as Alex quickly spit it back in his cup and stuck out his tongue, attempting to stave off the burn that was likely to develop. 

"It's a bit hot, Alex. It helps if you blow on it." John explained, demonstrating it himself when he went to take a drink. 

Suddenly, the door burst open, nearly sending Alex out of his chair once more. John rolled his eyes as Lafayette announced 'Mon Ami, I've arrived!' Quite loudly, as if they'd been invited- instead of just barging in on that particular winter day. 

"In here, Laf." John mumbled. 

Lafayette sauntered in the room after that, making their way to the dining room table and sitting down- just across from Alex. 

"I know I come uninvited." Lafayette said quite breathlessly. 

"Yes, you are." John said simply. 

"But I woke up in quite a fear this morning because I realized we have not planned anything for the holidays." Lafayette explained. "No holiday gift exchange, no baked goodies, and no mistletoe!" 

John rolled his eyes but smiled at his friend gently. "Laf, I don't think we can do it this year..." He said slowly. "Maybe we can plan something for New Years." 

Lafayette pouted. "What am I going to about the money?" 

"Save it?" John offered. 

"Too easy." Lafayette mumbled. 

They grew quiet, John drinking the hot chocolate- and Alex still trying to fan his with his hand. John's sweater was too big for his arms, and the sleeve fell down- falling into his hot chocolate. 

"Have you still no clothes that fit you, mon petit Alex?" Lafayette said gently, and he grew even more scandalized as Alex pursed his lips and shook his head. 

Lafayette had a moment of pensiveness before, much to John's dismay, he shot up from his seat and pointed his finger towards the door like he was leading a battalion. "Then it's settled we will take mon petit Alex shopping, so he can have regular clothes. That's what I'll do with my money!" 

It took John a moment to process what his friend had said, but John met Alex's worried gaze and shot up just as quick as Lafayette had, following him outside. 

"Laf, no.. Wait!" He called to his friend. 

He couldn't help but think that this would be a very bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My alternate summary for the chapter (as I wrote it in my notebook): 
> 
> -Obligatory fluffy snow chapter  
> *A. Hams first snow  
> *Cute sneezes, omg? 
> 
> -Lafayette wants to plan a Christmas party because Lafayette  
> -Lafayette realizes that Alex is in need of actual clothing because Lafayette (let John live)


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex actually wants to leave the house; Adorable car rides; the squad goes shopping, and Alex loves political books (much to Peggy's disdain); They meet Aaron Burr and everything the one thing John was worried about happens, and he's pretty peeved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said I would update on Mondays? Yeah, well I'm an actual liar. I just enjoy writing this story, so I guess it's a good thing. IN plus, New Years Eve is this Saturday, and to spare you the details... I'm going to be pretty hungover on Sunday and I'll probably not be up to writing a chapter so... sorry.

John managed to grab Lafayette's hand before he could make it outside. He gently pulled the taller person back in the hallway, turning his head to make sure they were alone. "Laf.. I love you, but this is a terrible idea. Alex can't go out in public yet." He whispered. 

Lafayette rolled their eyes, and crossed their arms over their chest. "Pourquoi? Petit Alex is making amazing strides, is he not? He will be fine. When was the last time the poor thing has seen the outside? He acts like he's discovering everything for the first time!" 

John pursed his lips, feeling a little aggravated that Lafayette was so damn tall that he had to look up at them just to get his point across. "He's made strides, as in... he finally trusts me enough to be in the same room with me, Laf. But he's only been away from wherever he was for a week, he's going to take one look at the crowded mall and panic." 

Lafayette went to open their mouth, but before they could answer- John continued. "Not to mention, we have no idea who was abusing him. Who's to say we won't meet up with them- then we'll be putting him in danger." 

"Why don't you ask him how he feels?" Lafayette said quietly, nodding his head towards the doorway. 

John turned around, and sure enough Alex was standing in the doorway. His eyes were wide as he regarded he two men who were previously arguing over whether or not he should leave the house. John felt his face flush with shame, as he realized he was treating him more like a child than a grown adult who could make his own choices. 

'I want to go.' Alex signed slowly. 

John opened and closed his mouth in disbelief, and he could already see Lafayette's proud smile, without even having to turn around. 

"That's great, Alex.. But what if it's too much for you." John said slowly, not wanting to offend the other man. "It will be crowded, and you could panic." 

Alex nodded, and held one finger up as he left the hallway and went back to the kitchen. He appeared a moment later with his white board. 

'I won't know unless I try. You will help me.' He had written, and John couldn't help but smile at the fact that Alex was starting to trust him a bit more every day. 

He felt Lafayette's hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze. "We can travel out of town if it will ease your worries, no one can get le petit Alex there, mon ami." 

John sighed but relented, giving Lafayette a small albeit uneasy smile. He watched as his French friend went outside to warm up the car. He turned to Alex who was still holding the board and standing in the same spot. 

"If it gets scary you will tell me?" John asked. "...And you're not just doing this because you feel pressured, right? You don't have to if you don't want to." 

'I want to.' Alex signed, frowning slightly. 

John figured Alex was growing a bit agitated at his constant worrying, but he couldn't seem to help it. Alex seemed like the type of person who would push themselves further than what they were capable of, and John didn't want to see him hurt. 

Lafayette peeked their head in, and cleared their throat. "Little John, the car is all warmed up so we can leave whenever you and Alex are ready." 

John gave Lafayette a suspicious look, as Lafayette's cheesy grin became more and more triumphant- the type of grin Lafayette gave someone when they knew that they were right. 

"You won this time, but I still think you're an idiot." John mumbled. 

Lafayette snorted, and shut the door. When John looked at Alex, he was writing something down, his eyebrows furrowed in what looked like confusion. 

'If you are friends with Lafayette why do you insult each other?' He had written. 

"It's just... a thing friends do, ya know?" John explained. "I like to tease Hercules and Lafayette because I can. Like how Peggy makes fun of Lafayette as well. No one else can do it, just us... And you could too if you wanted to." 

Alex still looked confused, cocking his head to the side slightly. But he nodded, and small, crooked grin making its way to his lips. It was the first time John had seen him smile like that, and it was so different from his usual small but polite smile; he would be lying if he said it didn't make his heart speed up a bit, but he shook that thought away and followed Alex out the door. 

Outside, Lafayette was waiting in their SUV- the same one that John remembered them referring to as the vehicle version of the 'arc de triumph'. John didn't have the heart to tell him that his mother had once driven a very similar vehicle, and it wasn't quite as bad ass as he thought it was. 

John clambered in the passenger seat, after Alex automatically chose the backseat. He looked at Lafayette suspiciously, as his French friend continued texting, not paying much mind to either of them. Finally, he set down the phone and smiled at Alex and John. 

"First, we must pick up a couple people- and then we will be on our way!" Lafayette said excitedly, adjusting the rear view mirror. 

"A couple people?" John asked, already expecting Hercules to be one of those people. "I hope when you say a couple you mean two." 

"Something like this, yes." Lafayette responded. 

X 

"TURN THIS SHIT UP!" Peggy practically yelled from beside John. "I love this song!" 

Apparently Lafayette's idea of a 'couple' people... actually counted as four people- because sure enough, John had been forced into the back with Peggy because Hercules automatically earned the passenger seat. In front of John, Alex was sandwiched between both Eliza and Angelica- because you couldn't have one Schuyler sister without the other two coming along as well. 

Eliza smiled and clapped her hands excitedly. "Ahh, I love this song too! When Maria and I met, this song was playing in the background!" 

"Wow..." Peggy mumbled. "This is now my least favorite song, thanks Eliza." 

Eliza turned and glared at her younger sister. "That's rude. How does the story of me meeting my girlfriend make this your least favorite song." 

"Because when you met Maria we were at a club, to celebrate your birthday remember?" Peggy explained, rolling her eyes. "You got really drunk, danced with a pretty girl who thought you were cute. You couldn't hold your liquor and you threw up all over her." 

"We spent the entire night cleaning throw up off of you and promising you that you didn't look like a total idiot in front of her." Angelica finished. 

"Now every time I think of this song... I'm going to think of your tears... and vomit." Peggy nodded, closing her eyes as she no doubt relived the memory of sister's birthday. 

"Yikes." John coughed. 

"You guys are rude... and homophobic." Eliza pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"I'm bi, Eliza." Peggy snickered. "And how can John be homophobic when he's a gay little turtle." 

John felt his blood run cold for a brief minute, as he realized that Peggy had said those words in front of Alex. It wasn't necessarily something he hid anymore, and certainly not something Peggy would expect him to keep secret. But he still couldn't help but fear that it would make Alex uncomfortable. 

John looked up to meet Alex's eyes, but he didn't see disgust there. Alex's cheeks were slightly pink now, with something akin to excitement in his eyes as he smiled at John a little before turning his head to the front. 

"I thought we could enter through the bookstore instead of the mall entrance." Angelica said suddenly, looking up from her phone. "We could get a few books." 

"It would be a lot safer to just stick to the stores on the outside." Hercules agreed from the front. 

John agreed, watching as Angelica talked about her favorite books to Alex- who seemed to be listening with genuine interest. He felt something in the pit of his stomach, but he continued to try to shake it off. He wanted to help Alex gain autonomy, but he couldn't shake the feeling that this could go wrong. 

X 

When they entered the bookstore, poor Alex was pulled every which way by the three Schuyler sisters. Eliza had remained adamant that Alex would enjoy fiction books while Angelica insisted that he would most likely prefer non-fiction, because he was like her in many ways. 

Peggy just wanted to show Alex her favorite magazines, and the incredibly inappropriate comic books she had an odd obsession with. 

It had been John's idea to go to a half-priced bookstore, instead of the larger more expensive one. He figured that this way, it would be less crowded and, as much as Lafayette insisted otherwise, he didn't want them to spend too much money. 

John felt a hand on his shoulder, as he thumbed through a nursing book. He looked up to see Lafayette smiling down at him, but this time it didn't look like they were bragging, but genuinely happy. "He looks like he's enjoying himself, does it not?" 

John made a positive humming noise. Alex looked happy, allowing Angelica to tug him towards her favorite books, while was on her heels whining that"it wasn't that inappropriate, Angie you're no fun!" 

"He's really taken to the Pegs, Angie, and Liza'." Hercules spoke up, carrying a stack of what looked like education books. 

"He feels comfortable with them." John smiled, glad that the girls could put him at ease. 

"What are those, Herc?" Lafayette asked, motioning to the large amount of books. 

"Oh, ya know... Books on sewing and what not." Hercules shrugged. "Thinkin' bout going back to school one day. Maybe teach home-ec... Like sewing or something. I've been a tailor for so long, I think I should be able to offer something to a class of high schoolers." 

"That's great, Herc." John nodded, impressed by his friends dedication. 

"Yes, that's great!" Lafayette practically squealed, wrapping their arms around Hercules. "You would make such a great teacher, better than I would. You know that me and teenagers sometimes do not have the greatest of relationships." 

That was true. John could remember Lafayette's disdain with their peers (other than Hercules and John). No one really understood them, and often treated Lafayette rudely whenever they would do something that they deemed too flamboyant. 

"Hey, pals, we're finished." Peggy called. 

Peggy was empty handed, as was Eliza. Alexander on the other hand had about four books in his hands, and Angelica looked extremely pleased with herself. 

"Did you find some books you like?" John asked. 

Alex nodded, and Peggy placed her arm around his shoulders. "Yeah, but only those boring books about politics that Angie likes so much." She teased, scrunching her noise slightly. Her voice remained kind towards Alex. 

Alex looked a bit offended for a moment, but then he smiled- the same smile he had when John explained about how he could tease his friends but no one else could. 

"He can pick out whatever books he likes, and government is interesting." Angelica said, sticking her tongue out at her younger sister. 

"Let's get these books paid for so we can get poor Alex some actual clothes that fit him." Lafayette spoke up, eyeing the pants that were a bit too long for Alex, and the sweater that seemed to engulf his arms. 

X 

Alex seemed to be a lot less interested with clothes shopping than he was with the books. Nevertheless, he allowed himself to be dragged around by the group while they attempted to find clothes that suited him. 

Alex, for the most part, stuck to sweaters of various sorts- especially oversized sweaters. Lafayette was able to talk him into buying a couple of shirts that fit him well. But John didn't complain, the sweaters didn't have to fit perfectly, but his pants had to fit so he wouldn't trip over his pant legs or loose his pants altogether. 

When Alex started looking a little exhausted, John decided it was time to stop. If he was too tired, he would get overwhelmed and that was the one thing John was attempting to avoid altogether. 

They ended up with two shirts, five sweaters, and 4 pairs of pants (which were actually Alex's size)… And a small black beanie that Alex had stared at for about two minutes before Eliza asked him if he wanted it. The beanie was in the women's aisle, with a small bow on the front of it, but it suited Alex well. 

John couldn't help but smile at the way his eyes had widened when the paid for it and put it on his head, his hair finally off his face, and put back in a comfortable hat. 

They were on their way out when Peggy suggested they stop and get a pretzel. 

"Pegs, no." John mumbled. "We don't need a pretzel, you go to the mall every weekend- get a pretzel then." 

"I've never been to this mall, and the pretzels might not taste the same." Peggy stressed. "C'mon, Alex would love it. He has a bit of a sweet tooth and it's one of those delicious ones, with the cinnamon, that you can dip in the icing." 

"Uh? The pretzels taste the exact same way." Hercules chuckled. 

"C'mon, I really want a pretzel. It's just right in the mall, right across from the store." Peggy groaned. "Alex, would you like to try a pretzel?" 

Alex looked between Peggy and John, his lips pursed together in a thin line. John realized that he was looking for permission, and he wasn't going to force Alex to leave if he wanted to go with Peggy. 

"Alex, you can do whatever you want." John said. 

Alex nodded, and Peggy smiled grabbing Alex's hand. The others inwardly groaned as they followed behind Peggy and Alex. 

Luckily, since it was a weekday, the mall wasn't all that crowded. There wasn't even in a line to the pretzel place, and they were able to grab something to eat without having to wait the ridiculous amount of time it would usually take. 

John was glad to see that Alex was content, there was even as skip in his step as he nibbled on his cinnamon pretzel, dipping it in the small container of icing every now and again ("No double dipping, you heathen." She would tease). 

They were heading out when Hercules stopped and waved at someone in the opposite direction. The others halted to see who exactly Hercules was waving at. 

"Hey, Burr!" Hercules chuckled. 

Sure enough, Aaron Burr was walking out of a store. John was shocked to see Burr out of the city, because the man didn't seem to do much traveling. After his wife had died, he mainly stayed to himself- which was saying something because, as far as John knew, he had always been a private man. 

In high school, he hadn't really spoke out. He was usually hanging out with Jefferson and Madison, who were incredibly close, and seemed to only tolerate him.   
Lafayette made a noise in the back of his throat as Burr approached them, giving them a polite smile. Jefferson and Madison had enjoyed teasing Lafayette ruthlessly, up until senior year when they seemed to develop somewhat of a conscious. 

Aaron Burr hadn't teased Lafayette, but he had stood by. 

"Wow, didn't plan to see you guys here." Burr chuckled, he was carrying a bag that was no doubt from a children's store- most likely for his daughter. 

"Yeah we were just... doing a little shopping." John said awkwardly. 

"Yeah I can see-" Burr stopped. His eyes seemed to widen and his mouth was slightly agape as he looked behind John, and at Alex. 

John turned around to look at Alex, and saw that he had stopped eating entirely- the half eaten pretzel had fallen out of his hands and on the dirty mall floor. His eyes were also glued on Burr, and he looked genuinely afraid; he looked more afraid than when John had first met him. His hands were shaking slightly, as he backed up. John could see his chest rising and falling rapidly, one hand placed on his chest, a sure sign that he was panicking. 

Peggy attempted to grab at him, but before she could stop him- he was gone, tripping over his feet and running away from the group and Burr. 

"Burr.. What the..." He mumbled, looking between Burr and where Alex was just standing. 

He didn't have time to yell at Burr, or ask him just how the hell Alex knew him and why he acted like he had seen a ghost. He didn't have time, but he turned on his heel, and grabbed Lafayette's shoulder. 

"I told you, Laf." He snapped. "I told you this was a bad idea." 

Lafayette looked guilty but he couldn't be bothered by it right now, as he ran through the small crowd of people in order to find Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *RUBS MY LIL HANDS* 
> 
> Burr is not the guy who was abusing Alex, and he's not the person who kidnapped Alex. He's not entirely a bad guy, just a man who would do anything for his daughter (I love Burr, I really do). That being said, he has SOMETHING to do with this whole fiasco, and seeing Burr brought some bad memories to Alex- who was repressing some of these memories. 
> 
> Also Peggy and the pretzel is me every time I'm in the mall. I always get a pretzel from Auntie Anne's because I am hooked. 
> 
> ALTERNATE SUMMARIES (AS IN MY NOTEBOOK): 
> 
> -Issue arise because how safe is it for him to go out in public, omg?   
> -The group goes out because Lafayette doesn't know wtf a couple means and John is not impressed  
> -ELIZA is a gay mess like me  
> -ALEX gets this cute ass beanie with a bow and I scream  
> -Surprise A. Burr  
> -Everything goes to shit  
> -John was right. Go figure.  
> -omg


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Peggy find Alex; John confronts Burr, and Burr offers a little bit of info about the people who kidnapped Alex; John makes promises he may not be able to keep; Alex takes baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2017 you guys! I hope your new years was lit. Mine was! I got kinda intoxicated, and I drank a lot of water (I'm a safe drinker). I was still a bit hungover though, the light hurt my head. 
> 
> I had to refrain from making a 'I haven't posted in a year joke' cause I want to be more mature than that (but I'm not).

John mumbled half-hearted apologies as he pushed through the small crowd of people, ignoring their angry complaints and insults. His heart sank when he realized that Alex was nowhere in sight, and he could be anywhere in the mall by now. 

He stopped, resting his face in his hands as he took a couple deep breaths through his nose and tried to block out his negative thoughts. John struggled not to think of the worst possible scenario, but it was so hard not to do so. If he couldn't find Alex, it was hopeless. He couldn't answer John if he called for him... And he couldn't ask for help, with his minimum knowledge of sign language and no way to write his feelings. 

Not to mention, if Burr had anything to do with this- whose to say there weren't others in same location, ready to find Alex and kidnap him. Who was to say Alex wasn't unknowingly walking into their clutches. 

John would have never pinned Burr as the type to hurt someone, but he had been surprised by him before. He'd been shocked when he heard of Burr starting a relationship with a married woman, and surprised when they'd had a child. He'd even been shocked when Burr started a political career and showed up on John's doorstep, openly campaigning. 

John felt his breathing increase when he realized that Aaron probably remembered where he lived. He probably remembered John's shocked face when he'd thrust a campaign poster in his hands, asking for his votes nearly months before. 

If he knew where John lived.. Now he knew where Alex lived too. 

Before John's thoughts could escalate any further, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. He turned quickly to see Eliza's concerned face, and Peggy looking around frantically from beside her sister. 

"You need to breath, John... Before you panic." Eliza said, her soft voice calming John down slightly. "He couldn't have gone far, and he doesn't like crowds." 

"Yeah, John. I-It's not that deep." Peggy agreed, although her face betrayed her as she continued to look over John's shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Where's the others?" John asked. 

"With Burr." Eliza said quickly. "You and Peggy will look in the stores to the left, and I'll go to the right. If you find him just call me and I'll meet you guys. Poor thing is probably panicking." 

John simply nodded, watching as Eliza hurried away from them. Peggy immediately grabbed onto his arm and started pulling him in the direction they'd been assigned. She stopped as soon as they saw a mop of dark hair- but both of them deflated when the person turned around and was someone other than Alex. 

They looked inside every store, ignoring the all-too-helpful store clerks who greeted them with a 'hello, everything in the store is twenty-five percent off today!' 

They were running out of places to look, and there was no call from Eliza. John could feel his chest grow heavy again and he could see Peggy grow more and more frantic. 

They reached the end of the mall, walking into the last store... And it was empty- the only person in it was a bored looking cashier who gave them a half-hearted greeting. 

"Where could he be?" John whispered, more to himself than to Peggy. "It's not that big of a mall, he couldn't have gone that far." 

They both grew quiet for a moment before Peggy let out a gasp. "He loved the bookstore John! He's probably in the bookstore!" 

"It's not connected to the mall." John mumbled. 

"Yeah, but he could have just taken one of the exits!" She exclaimed. Peggy grabbed onto his hand before he could protest and pulled him towards the mall exit. 

The cold air hit their face, making John realized that they'd left their coats with the others, and so had Alex. They were careful not to slip on ice as they practically sprinted down the sidewalk and to the half-price bookstore they had just been to earlier that day. 

The two chatting store clerks didn't seem to notice them as they entered the warm store, and John had to refrain from calling Alex's name out of fear of scaring him even more. 

"He liked those boring political books that Angie showed him today." Peggy said offhandedly, moving ahead of John and towards the non-fiction aisle. 

He followed her, silently praying that they would find Alex reading one of those books- or browsing through the shelf as a way to calm himself down. But when they reached the aisle, they found it empty. John felt his heart sink even more. 

Peggy nudged his shoulder, pointing down the aisle. "John. Look." 

John looked down the aisle where Peggy was pointing. Sure enough, behind one of the shelves he saw a pair of feet, wearing shoes that were way too big- John's shoes. John let out a breath of relief as he and Peggy hurried down the aisle. 

When Alex saw them, he pulled his legs to his chest- covering his eyes with his hands. John could see the tears already making their way down his cheeks, while he shook his frantically, chest already rising and falling rapidly. 

John knelt down in front of Alex, with Peggy following suit. His voice was gentle as he spoke to Alex, and his posture was relaxed. "It's okay Alex, it's just Peggy and I. No one is going to hurt you." 

Alex relaxed slightly, but his breathing remained frantic and he made the smallest whimpering sound. Peggy slowly reached out, and placed a hand on his shoulder- ready to retract her touch if it caused him to panic even more. 

"We're here, just take deep breaths." Peggy soothed, she took a deep breath in with him to demonstrate- letting it out shortly after. "Just in and out. We can stay here as long as you need. No one is going to hurt you." 

It took about ten minutes for Alex to look at Peggy and John; Ten minutes of Alex calming down and getting worked up again, and Peggy or John starting over and regulating his breathing- neither one of them growing impatient when Alex couldn't do it. 

Alex looked up slowly from his hands, eyes red and irritated from crying. He looked frightened, as if he would look up and it wouldn't really be Peggy or John, but someone who meant to do him harm. He let out a sort of teary smile when he was able to confirm that it was really his two friends and not a bad guy. 

John expected him to hug Peggy... He expected him to do that. It was something he did often, ever since the three sisters had stayed with them that night. He confided in Peggy a lot- so much so that the younger sister seemed to pick up on small amounts of sign language. 

But John did not expect Alex to hug him. When the shorter man's arms wrapped around his neck, John remained frozen to his spot... As if he'd forgotten how to show another human being affection. He soon gathered his wits and hugged Alex back, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

"No one is gonna hurt you." He whispered, taking in the smell of the strawberry shampoo that he had given to Alex. "It's okay." 

Alex pulled away, his cheeks matching the same shade as John's. Peggy looked at John, an eyebrow raised slightly, as he protectively held onto Alex's hand. 

Alex attempted to explain something, hands moving rapidly, but he messed up. He grew frustrated as he tried again. Eventually he stopped when it became clear that he wouldn't be able to communicate his feelings, with shaky hands. 

"It's okay, Alex." Peggy soothed. "You don't have to explain anything right now." 

John nodded in agreement, and he smiled. His eyes stayed warm until he remembered that Burr was still with Angelica and the others... He remembered that the whole reason Alex was panicking in the first place was because of Aaron- He'd most likely hurt Alex in some way. 

Peggy seemed to notice this, because she placed a hand on John's shoulder. "I'm going to take Alex out to the car, Laf gave me the keys. I'll make sure to call Eliza and tell her that we found him." 

John hummed in agreement, and Peggy stood, lifting out her hands to help Alex up. He watched as the two walked away, Peggy pulling a half-eaten pretzel, wrapped in a napkin, out of her purse and saying, "you can have the rest of mine since you dropped yours. You're on your own with the sauce, though. I ate mine." 

When he could no longer see the two, John took a deep breath and attempted to calm down. He turned towards the exit, and made his way back into the mall. He felt angry and confused- mostly because he didn't understand how Aaron could have anything to do with Alex's situation, he seemed like such calm albeit odd man. 

John considered himself a calm man. He had gotten in some fights in high school, mostly to prove his worth to himself. That being said, he wouldn't consider himself overly violent, and he didn't get angry too often. He'd been confronted on multiple occasions in the emergency room, by people who were inhibited and people who were perfectly in their right mind. He'd once been punched in the face by an old woman who was on too many drugs- she'd knocked him out. He hadn't pressed charges, hadn't even been angry. 

He didn't know why he felt so protective of Alex, when he'd been living with him for a little over a week. But he knew that he'd been hurt, and he had little patience for people who hurt other people. He had seen too many people who'd been hurt- seen too many of them die, but he had never had the chance to confront the people who had hurt them... Only the opportunity to try to alleviate some of the pain they caused. 

So when he saw Aaron Burr standing between Angelica and Lafayette, neither of them stood a chance in intervening when John quickly pinned him up against the wall, his forearm across the shorter man's throat as he struggled to get away, and attempted to look calm. 

"What the fuck do you know about Alex, Burr?" John hissed, tightening his hold on Aaron. His voice was oddly quiet as he questioned the man in front of him, hand tightening into a fist. "Did you hurt him? Is that why he was so scared?" 

Aaron grunted in response, struggling to string together any words. John could feel Hercules' large hand on his shoulder, gently saying his name- but he shook his touch off. 

"Don't.." John said to his friend. "Burr knows where I fucking live, Herc. How do I know that this bastard won't come back to hurt Alex. I want to know why the fuck Alex was so scared." 

Angelica pulled on his shoulder roughly, attempting to pull him off of Burr. "You're not going to know anything if you don't let the man speak, John!" 

John sighed, looking into Angelica's cold gaze. John reluctantly put his arm down, but kept a rough grip on Aaron's shoulder- keeping him pinned against the wall. "What did you do to him, Burr?" 

"I didn't do a goddamn thing, Laurens." Aaron snapped, slightly breathless. 

"Then why was he scared of you, huh?" John hissed through clenched teeth. "Why was he in a bookstore panicking... Why did he look at you like were going to hurt him?" 

Aaron shook his head. "I've seen him around... But I've never hurt him. The people I work for to get ahead in this state, is none of your business. You would do well to not pry." 

"It's my goddamn business... He's my friend." John said, voice wavering at the end. 

Aaron frowned, pushing John's hand off of his shoulder and sending him back a few steps. "Alexander is safe. I won't hurt him, but the others... I guarantee they're looking for him." 

John didn't make a move to stop Aaron as he reached down to grab his bag, straightening his jacket and smoothing out the creases. He went to walk away, but stopped in front of John- and his face grew oddly soft. 

"Take care of the poor boy." Aaron said softly. "He's been through a lot." 

The group watched as he walked away, all of them staying quiet. John took a deep breath, steadying his shaky hands and trying to slow down his rapid heartbeat. 

"You're very protective of him, little John." Lafayette said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Why is that?" 

John didn't have an answer. 

X 

The ride back to John's house was quiet, the only words exchanged being the goodbyes of the Schuyler sisters when Lafayette dropped them off, and John's apologies to Lafayette for snapping at them after Alex had ran away (Lafayette had simply smiled and said "I forgive you, little John. You were right. It was a bad idea.") 

John couldn't help but look at Alex periodically, as he thumbed through his new book. Aaron's words kept coming back to him- People were looking for Alex. He'd always knew this, but the confirmation just made it that much scarier. Burr also knew these people, and while Burr had seemed oddly affectionate towards Alex, John didn't know how well he could trust him. 

When they arrived back at John's house, it was growing dark. John gave Lafayette a quiet goodbye, chuckling when he saw that Hercules had fallen asleep in the front seat. 

He made sure to grab the bag of clothes they had bought, and he held the door open for Alex as he carried his bag of books in. Alex gave him a small smile and made his way up the stairs to the guest room, and John caught his attention before he could make it all the way to his room. 

"Alex, you would tell me if you remembered the people who hurt you- right?" John asked. "I don't want to pry, but they could hurt us... They could hurt you." 

Alex frowned, setting his bags down. He signed, 'I don't remember, I promise.' He paused and studied John's face; he took in the worried look in his eyes. 'I'm sorry.' 

"It's okay, Alex." John smiled, although it didn't meet his eyes. "You're safe." 

Alex nodded, and grabbed his books- making his way to his room once more. 

John felt a sense of guilt. He kept telling Alex that he was safe, but it was only words. John was only human and he couldn't protect Alex if he didn't know who hurt him. 

He had considered telling the police about Burr- he had been witness to whoever had kidnapped Alex, so he had to be held responsible for that. The sensible part of John reminded him that Aaron was popular in the city, and it wouldn't be hard for him to contact the right people- and then Alex would be gone. 

X 

John ran a hand through his wet curls, making his way out of the bathroom and into his room. He stopped in the doorway when he saw that the light in Alex's room was still on. It was unlike him to not shut his door while he was in his room. 

John made his way down the hallway, peeking his head around the corner. He couldn't help the small smile that made it's way to his lips when he caught sight of Alex, sprawled on his tummy, laying on his book about American politics. He was asleep, with his mouth open and eyes moving slightly from beneath his eyelids. 

He was careful, when he slipped the book out from under Alex's head, putting it up before Alex could get too much slobber on it. He picked up the other books that were on Alex's bed, placing them all in a small stack on his dresser. 

He carefully maneuvered Alex from his spot on the bed. He was thankful that the other man seemed to be a heavy sleeper as he pulled the duvet out from under him, and covered him up. He watched for a moment as Alex snored slightly. This was probably the first time that Alex had fallen asleep before John, and John didn't know whether or not he should lock the door. 

Deciding against it, he shook his head and simply shut the door on his way out. 

That night when Alex would have a nightmare, John would hurry down the hall to find Alex had locked the door sometime during the night. 

He would just shake his head, and sit down in front of the door- just in case Alex wanted to confide in him at some point. 

Baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is in Alex's POV because there are somethings that only he can confirm. 
> 
> ALTERNATE SUMMARIES FOR THIS CHAPTER (VIA MY NOTEBOOK)   
> -John legit goes after Burr  
> *Laf, Herc, and Angie are like 'John, no..'   
> -Burr is all freaking cryptic because OFC  
> -John tries to talk to Alex, but Alex really doesn't know, yo.  
> -CUTENESS BECAUSE ALEX IS A BAB WHO FALLS ASLEEP ON BOOKS  
> -NIGHTMARES BUT BABY STEPS
> 
> Please comment! They make me happy.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Alex; Alex wants to make something special for John, and Peggy and Eliza are more than happy to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I usually get this chapter up in the morning, but I had probably the worst weekend I've ever had... ever?
> 
> 1\. I broke my bottom retainer and THAT sucked   
> 2\. I got kinda sick  
> 3\. My brother got REALLY sick and I'm a nursing student so the job of taking care of him went to me  
> 4\. My dog ripped her freaking toenail off because she's a ball of anxious-ness (like me). She bled everywhere it was horrible.   
> 5\. I was feeling unusually depressed yesterday and I couldn't stop dissociating
> 
> SO this chapter was written at like 7 a.m this morning and just edited like 3 minutes ago
> 
> IMPORTANT: HEED the warnings for this chapter. I mention rape/non-con in this chapter, but it's not graphic- but it is heavily applied. Along with Alex kind blaming himself, and considering himself to not be 'pure' enough for John. If this bothers you in anyway, feel free to skip this chapter I really won't be upset.

There were blank spaces where Alex's memories used to be- or at least he was sure he must've had memories there at one point. It was odd and frightening, how chunks of his life seemed to be missing- everything that must have shaped his personality at one point. The lack of his memories made him feel as if he wasn't quite real. 

He had some memories of course, but they were mostly bad. He remembered the people who'd held him captive in vivid detail, at least the one who had been present the most. He remembered the way he smelled, how his hands were always rough. He remembered greasy brown hair and a rough beard. He remembered it so well that it kept him up sometimes; it woke him from his sleep and made him whimper and attempt to scream- only silence in the air. 

Oddly enough, he remembered some things from what he assumed was his childhood, but they were mostly bad- there had been a hurricane. He could remember the smell after the rain... Bodies floating right in front of his eyes. The feeling of his wet, cold clothes. He'd been all alone, he vaguely recalls. This memory had left an impression on him, because one day when John went to work- he'd been left alone with Peggy (he really didn't want to be alone, and Peggy was his best friend). 

The wind had picked up sometime during the night, and he had panicked- images flashing through his brain. He'd been confused and scared, and he'd nearly fallen down the stairs in an attempt to wake Peggy from her sleep. 

It had been a rough night, and the only comfort had been Peggy- who'd held him until he calmed down. She was soft, and kind- as was Eliza and Angelica. He didn't remember his mother. Like the hurricane, she came in flashes, and he had no concrete memories of her. But he seemed to remember that her skin was soft like Peggy's. She had kind brown eyes like Eliza, and she was stern but soft like Angelica. 

When she'd left him he'd been all alone. But there are times when he briefly remembers someone else- another family. Someone who'd loved him before he had been taken. They had cared about him, which was so rare because he's always felt like no one seemed to care about him at all. He's always felt unloved and used up until recently. 

The rest of his memories- they were the ones he didn't like to remember. The feeling of hands all over him. The feeling of the cold floor. 

They had kept him in a basement, the only source of light was from a window that was far too high for him to escape. 

He didn't remember how he got there- only the feeling of falling asleep. When he awoke everything was different. He fought at first, when he was young- he fought. That's why they kept him locked up, because he fought to much. 

In the beginning, when he was young, they didn't touch him. They would only hit him and kick him- yank his hair sometimes. They did it to get him to talk; they didn't seem to realize that he couldn't talk. 

But they never assaulted him beyond that. It was when he grew older, when he matured that they really hurt him. 

At that point he'd grown so familiar with the men who'd had him... That he didn't fight. But sometimes they would bring in other people- people Alex didn't know, and he would fight and kick. 

They'd drugged him- an injection in his neck. 

He'd been drugged over and over, and Alex was almost certain that it was the cause of his lack of memories. 

He couldn't quite remember how he'd escaped, only that it had something to do with Burr (he hadn't even known his name, not until he'd heard the others say it). Burr had been present, but he hadn't harmed Alex. When he discovered Alex was down there, he was furious.   
Alex could remember hearing him scream at the others from upstairs. 

But he hadn't done anything. When he came to visit, he gave Alex scraps of food- not saying much, just looking at his feet but not at Alex. He had been ashamed, and Alex could feel it. 

He'd left a key next to Alex one day, a finger to his lip as his eyes begged for him to stay quiet. Alex figured by the way he scurried up the stairs that he had a lot to lose. 

It had taken him a day to escape. A battle in his head. He was too afraid. He didn't know anything outside the four walls. He didn't know where to go. But, eventually, he gathered his courage and unlocked the chains on his foot. 

He knew that both of the men left during the day. They had important jobs to do (Alex thought that maybe they were politicians like Burr, but he was certain of something a bit more sinister). Alex had tripped over his feet, as his legs were weak from not being used. 

He had made it outside, the light blinding his eyes. 

He had ran for what seemed like miles, until it was dark. 

That's when he'd met John. 

X 

Alex set down the notebook that Eliza had bought for him as Peggy entered the room. In the three weeks he'd lived with John, he had taken to writing. It helped him clear his thoughts and it helped him focus on what he could remember, rather than what he couldn't remember.   
It had successfully kept his anxiety down, if only just a little. 

"Well, that was a disaster." Peggy mumbled, as she pouted and tugged at her bangs. "Let it be known that I am not the best at wrapping presents. It's usually Eliza that does it but she's of course busy with being an adult and being in love, or whatever." 

Alex nodded, even though he had but the slightest clue of what Peggy was talking about. He was almost certain that Lafayette had talked them into exchanging gifts and watching movies, instead of throwing a party, but he sometimes had trouble keeping up. 

He mostly just enjoyed listening to Peggy talk. She was funny and charismatic and always managed to make him feel at ease. 

"But..." She poked at Alex's stomach, making him smile as he playfully smack Peggy's hand away. "I got you a really awesome present." 

Alex stopped. She really didn't have to do that. He didn't have the means to get her anything, and he felt bad for coming up empty handed. Peggy seemed to notice this because she placed a hand Alex's shoulder and lifted his chin up. 

"Chin up, buttercup." She smiled. "No one expected you to get anything. Laf always throws these gift exchanging things together last minute. They're French- so like they're into being over the top or whatever. Don't tell Laf I said that." 

It cheered Alex up only momentarily- until he realized what all John had done for him in the three weeks that he'd lived with him. He'd dealt with Alex's lack of trust without getting aggravated, and he'd sat outside Alex's door every time he had a nightmare. 

He was more than Alex thought he deserved. 

'I wanted to get John a gift.' Alex signed slowly. He'd become more confident in his signing skills as the weeks progressed, and his use of the dry-erase board was getting less frequent. He'd stayed up most nights, practicing when he ran out of things to read. 

Peggy had picked up on most words as well, with a little help from Eliza. Alex could see her trying to understand what he was saying. She looked away in thought, and Alex could feel his hopes rise slightly when she looked back him triumphantly. 

"John likes turtles. He likes them almost an uncomfortable amount." Peggy smiled. "I'm sure Eliza knows some kind of arts and craft we could make that's turtle themed." 

Alex smiled and nodded. 

Peggy reached down to get her cellphone. "Let me just call Eliza. She's like a Pinterest junkie, and a grandma at heart so I'm sure she has all kind of crafty things." 

X 

Eliza had been more than obliged to help, and nearly an hour later she was practically kicking the door open- arms full of arts and craft materials. 

When Peggy and Alex walked into the dining room, their eyes widened at Eliza's dedication to their newfound arts and crafts project. 

"Holy shit, Eliza." Peggy mumbled. 

"You know I get into these things, Peggy." Eliza said, holding a piece of scrap paper close to her chest and looking at Peggy as if she were scandalized. "You can't just promise me a fun time of arts and crafts and then criticize my passion for it." 

Peggy rolled her eyes and looked down at the time on her cellphone. "Okay, well we have about two hours until John comes home from his shift so it has to be something that's quick and easy." 

Eliza had no problem with quick and easy as she pulled out a sheet of crafty ideas that could be completed in an hour or less. Alex lifted the sheet up to his face and read it with interest, looking through all of the ideas Eliza had chosen. 

"You are... oddly prepared." Peggy said slowly, lifting up a stray loofa that Eliza had dropped. 

Alex eventually settled on super gluing various decorative rocks together until it looked like a turtle, and painting the rocks green, while adding small details that made it look more turtle-like. He decided to do most of the crafting, since he wanted it to be from him to John. 

Although, after Peggy had nearly superglued her fingers together- he decided to have Eliza do that part for him. 

Peggy and Eliza had respectfully grown quiet as Alex painted the turtle with various green colors, making sure to add eyes, and pouting when he realized that they were lopsided. 

It had to be special- it was for John. 

John had grown to hold a special place in Alex's heart. He would be lying if he said that his heart didn't skip a few beats when John smiled at him. He often felt angry at himself that he couldn't open up more to John- that he still had issues trusting him completely. 

John made him feel protected, but everytime Alex went to try to speak- something always held him back. He never felt safe, not really. It was as if his voice was cut out before he could speak; he didn't feel safe enough to speak. 

Every time he tried, he was reminded of the bodies floating in front of his eyes- and rough hands hitting him, punching him. He was reminded of how his captor would yell at him to speak, even though he could not. 

Alex thought that John was too pure for him, while he was broken and used up. 

"That looks nice, Alex." Eliza smiled, pulling Alex out of his thoughts that would no doubt grow into panic if it was allowed to continue. 

Alex frowned and looked it over, the arms were lopsided, as were the eyes. The colors seemed to clash a bit, and Alex didn't think it looked anything like the picture Eliza had provided for reference. In his opinion, it looked like something a child would make. 

'Will John like it?' He signed to Eliza. 

"John will love it." 

Alex smiled slightly, and looked at the small trinket in his hand. 

It was the least he could do to show John that he was thankful for everything he's done for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries (based on my notebook summaries)
> 
> -Alex is smol and softer than previously thought   
> -Alex tries his best  
> -He really doesn't remember much, but omg he tries so hard  
> -I need to give this child at least one break  
> -Peggy is pure  
> -Eliza is a Pinterest mom who would have everything you need and would totally whip out some bandaids if you scraped your knee  
> -More things about Burr  
> -TURTLES FOR JOHN  
> -ALEX LOVES JOHN TOO
> 
> The next chapter Alex will have a little break from the pain train he is currently on because he deserves it. 
> 
> Also I posted a little snippet based on how Eliza and Maria met, you should read it. 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/9242132
> 
> Leave me a comment~ They make me happy!


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad has a little holiday get together; John and Alex are still pining; Alex gives John his gift- and he loves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT: One half of my family is Jewish and another half is Christian so partake in Christmas and Hanukkah. My beautiful friends have a holiday get together which they name our 'non denominational holiday party' so it's what inspired this chapter. In plus, the holidays are over irl so I just wanted it to be a sweet squad moment. 
> 
> ALSO, I start University again on Tuesday but I am determined to still update on Mondays. BUT, that being said, the updates will be later in the day because I don't get out of school till about five!

The day had started off pretty chaotic- more chaotic than John would like to admit. He'd had a long shift the night before, with a large car crash that had resulted in multiple traumas. The little girl he'd been assigned had survived, and John laid in bed most of the night counting his blessings. 

But, unfortunately, sometime during him giving his thanks and falling to sleep- he'd forgotten to set his alarm in the morning- and his phone was still on silent. 

He didn't enjoy sleeping in, and Lafayette had warned him that if he didn't have snacks ready and the house 'festive' by the time they arrived, he would fall victim to Lafayette's colorful French language. 

The first thing John realized when he awoke, was the sun was directly in his eyes. He was so accustomed to waking up just while the sun was rising that it instantly made him sit up. The second thing he realized, was there was a large set of brown eyes staring at him, unblinking. It was Alex. 

John jumped slightly, turning his head to doorway when he heard a giggle. Peggy was standing there, coffee in her hand. She and Alex had fallen asleep on the couch the night before, and he hadn't had the heart to wake them when they looked so comfortable. 

John looked down at his phone. Sometime during the morning Lafayette had sent him a series of text messages about what they were bringing and what John should make. John could see their text messages growing more frantic; it was clear that Lafayette had thought John was either asleep or he was ignoring them all together. 

"Why didn't you wake me up?" John asked, making sure to keep his voice calm when he realized that Alex was looking slightly anxious. "It's noon." 

Peggy shrugged taking a sip out of John's favorite mug. "I don't know, Alex thought we should- but I thought you looked so cute sleeping that I didn't have the heart to wake you." 

John glared at her and she chuckled, nodding her head towards Alex. "Uh.. Dude. Alex nudged you for literally fifteen minutes, not our fault you wouldn't wake up." 

"Thanks Alex." John smiled to the boy, and he could see his cheeks turn slightly pink as he smiled at the praise, lifting his head up from the bed. 

"Are you gonna stop pouting and help us downstairs?" Peggy asked. "Alex and I picked up the slack this morning and started baking some cookies- Eliza's recipe because the one you tried to come up with isn't that great." 

John nodded, not bothering to respond to Peggy's comment- because she was right. The recipe had been his mother's but he couldn't bake to save his life, so the cookies turned out way too hard. One winter, Hercules had nearly broke his tooth taking a bite out of the cookie. 

Peggy motioned for Alex to follow her, and he quickly jumped to his feet and followed Peggy out the door. When they were out of his room, John made sure to send Lafayette a text message. He lied to them slightly, saying that he had been so busy that he hadn't even looked down at his phone. 

And yes he would remember the mini weenies. 

And yes all the gifts were wrapped... 

Even thought that was a lie, he had yet to wrap Alex's gift. 

X 

When John successfully wrapped Alex's gift and responded to Lafayette's many text messages, he made his way downstairs. He could hear Peggy laughing from the kitchen.   
He peeked around the corner, and couldn't help but laugh at the sight before him. There was flour in Peggy's hair, some of it matted in her curls. While she also had some on her clothes, it was nothing compared to how much flour was on Alex. 

It was all in his hair, making his hair look white other than it's usual raven color. It was all over his hands and clothes- most of it on his face. John thought he looked even more adorable than usual, but he couldn't miss the way Alex looked at him- as if John was going to get mad and suddenly kick him out of the house due to the mess. 

John gave him a disarming smile, and was relieved to see his posture relax slightly. "I thought you guys were going to bake cookies?" 

"We did." Peggy said pointing towards the batch of cookies, she made a tsking noise in the back of her throat when John promptly reached to grab one. "Don't touch em', Laurens. We just took them out of the oven, and you'll burn your hand." 

John pouted and Alex let out a silent laugh as Peggy rolled her eyes. "Don’t be a baby. Come help us make these cookies- we keep getting distracted." 

"Obviously." John chuckled. 

He squeezed between Alex and Peggy. The two really hadn't got that far, as Alex tried to roll out the batter- adding more flour whenever it became too sticky. Peggy was pressing cookie cutters against the cookie dough, making them into small snowmen and snowflakes. 

Their holiday party was what Lafayette called a 'non denominational holiday party'. John found it fitting, because while they still gave out gifts, it was more a party for the season. John always celebrated the holidays and he could already see his father's frown at John's 'political correctness'. 

The differences between John and his father was part of the reason why he rarely called back home. 

John was pulled out of his thoughts by a face full of flour. He coughed slightly and turned to Peggy, who simply pointed at Alex. Unlike the time Alex threw snow at his face, he didn't seem scared at John's reaction. 

John reached down and grabbed a bit of flour, tossing it in Alex's face. 

Unfortunately, Alex took a couple steps back in response. He tripped over his feet and reached behind him, hand hitting the hot pan of cookies. 

John could hear him hiss slightly, holding his arm out in front of him. John rushed forward and gently took hold of his hand. "I'm sorry, Alex." 

Alex shook his head and gave John a gentle smile although it looked more like a grimace. John could already see the skin turning red, and it could possibly blister. 

"Peggy, I have a first aid kit in the upstairs bathroom- do you want to go get it?" John asked, not taking his eyes off Alex's injured hand. 

"Yeah, no problem." Peggy said quickly, leaving the kitchen in search for the first aid kit. 

John pulled away and let go of Alex's hand. He grimaced once more and signed, 'why do I always get hurt?' 

"I think you're just accident prone." John smiled. "But, don't worry, I think you'll live. It's just a burn and luckily you're in very good hands." 

Peggy returned a few seconds later with the first aid kit. She handed it to John who reached in to grab the burn medication and a band aid. He applied the medication gently, and put the bandage on. After years of helping his younger siblings with small wounds, he had to keep from pressing a small kiss to the wounded area- because that would make things awkward. 

He pulled away, and Alex raised an eyebrow at him, staring at the cheesy superman bandage with curiosity 

He hoped Alex didn't see the way his eyes lingered. 

X 

"Let's get this party turned up!" Lafayette practically yelled as they burst through the door. John wasn't all that shocked to see Lafayette wearing some horrid snowflake sweater, equipped with blinking lights wrapped around it. 

Eliza, Peggy, Angelica and Hercules followed closely behind- all of them looking slightly embarrassed but nonetheless amused and affectionate towards Lafayette. 

"Laf.. I said don't go all out. It's just a small get together." John mumbled, as poor Hercules carried in stacks of presents, looking as if he was struggling from just how heavy they were. 

"I did not, mon ami." Lafayette smiled. "We must get enough presents for Christmas and Hanukkah all at once- so that is what I did. I love my friends and I got you a lot of presents to prove it." 

John simply sighed but smiled, shaking his head at Lafayette. Lafayette and Hercules disappeared in the living room, as Eliza rested her head on John's shoulder. From the corner of his eye, he saw Peggy whisper something in Alex's ear. He was curious about what she'd whispered, as Alex hurried up the stairs. 

"You have to love us." Eliza said simply. 

"Of course." John agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of Eliza's head. "Where is Maria? I thought she would be coming with you." 

Eliza shook her head, and frowned. "No, she's reconcilling with her family so she's with them for a couple of days. But she'll be here for New Years. I told her we were just hanging out tonight." 

"You're upset." John stated. 

"You can tell?" Eliza smiled. 

He nodded, wincing a little bit. "You're not very good at hiding your emotions, Eliza." 

They both seemed to drop the topic as Alex hurried down the stairs, with a small present in his hands. It was neatly wrapped and John suspected that Eliza had helped him with it, because the woman gave Alex a knowing smile as he stood beside her. 

"We're ready to open gifts!" Angelica called from the living room. "You better hurry, before Peggy eats all of the cookies!" 

The amount of gifts Lafayette had bought for everyone was a bit astounding, with John and the others only offering one for everyone each. Alex looked a little disheartened with his one tiny gift, and Angelica patted Alex on the back, offering some encouragement. 

"Lafayette.. Why?" Eliza asked. 

"Because I love my friends!" Lafayette exclaimed, looking slightly disgruntled that everyone was criticizing their spending spree. "I came here to give presents and I'm honestly feeling very attacked." 

"Old meme, pick a new one." Peggy snorted, picking up a cookie and shoving it in her mouth. 

"Let's just open these gifts, okay?" Angelica chuckled, grabbing a hold of Lafayette's hand. 

While Lafayette did purchase many gifts for them, they truly didn't buy anything all that expensive. John had received a new stethoscope from Lafayette (which was most likely the most expensive gift they'd purchased) and several medical books from the others. Angelica received books and several different types of coffees. 

Peggy had received several different types of graphic tees, and an extra present from Lafayette. It was simply just an empty box, with the picture from spongebob saying 'I didn't know what to get you, so I got you this box', which was the perfect gift for their local meme expert. Peggy seemed to love it as she wrapped her arms around Lafayette's neck repeating 'you finally understand me' over and over. 

Eliza received a lot of scrapbooking materials, and a thing of peppermint schnapps from Peggy (she ended up throwing it at Peggy's face). Alex received more political books and some more clothes that actually fit (Peggy gagged and mumbled 'boring' in the background, and Alex shockingly tossing the empty box at her face). 

Lafayette received scarves of various types and more clothes- and a mug from Peggy with 'bon appetit' spelled horribly wrong (they had tried to throw the mug at Peggy's face, but everyone hurried to stop them); Hercules received more sewing and home-ec books. He had lit up when he realized his friends really did support him going back to school. 

"Let's watch a movie now." Angelica smiled as Hercules opened his last gift, and she cleared the wrapping paper from around them. "We agreed on not watching Die Hard, because I really don't want to be part of that argument." 

"Wait." Eliza stated, stopping Angelica in her tracks. "There's one more gift. Alex was feeling really bad about not getting anything so he made something for you.. John."   
John's eyes widened at the mention of his name. Alex held the present out almost sheepishly, as John grabbed it from his hands. 

It was a small gift, and he un-wrapped it gently. Inside was a tiny crafted turtle, that looked like it was made with small rocks. It was adorable, and obviously done with a lot a care- and John was careful as he took it out of the box. 

"This is beautiful, Alex." John smiled. "Thank you." 

'Do you like it?' Alex signed. 

John could see the small piece of paper at the bottom, it was carefully written out and obviously in Alex's handwriting: 'thank you for everything'. 

"I love it." John grinned. 

'Sorry.' He signed to the others, no doubt a bit upset that he couldn't afford to get them anything. John's mind went back to Eliza telling them that Alex feeling bad about not being able to get them gifts. 

"Alex, you being here is the best present we could have for the holidays." Lafayette smiled. "We are blessed to have found you, little lion." 

Alex smiled at Lafayette's words, and the way his eyes lit up and his cheeks turned a bright shade of pink was a gift within itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment, it makes my day reading them!~
> 
> Also it's Lin-Manuel Miranda's birthday. I love him so much and he makes me happy! I'm also so grateful for him and all the beautiful things he creates. 
> 
> ALTERNATE SUMMARIES FOR THIS CHAPTER:   
> -I give Alex a MCfreaking break for once  
> -Cute little bandaid moment  
> -John really wants to kiss it all better  
> -JOHN LOVES HIS GIFTS  
> -Lafayette loves their friends and wants them to have nice things  
> -PEGGY is a meme queen who annoys her friends but they love her so much  
> -THESE TWO LOSERS ARE PINING


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang throws another party, this time for New Years- and some stuff goes down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you're probably wonder- why are you posting a chapter, it is not Monday. And, yes, I know this. But I'm going to start updating on Sundays. This way I can get it out during the weekend and your nice comments can help me through the week. 
> 
> Also.. something big happens and it starts out fluffy and then it kinda, ends up not being so great? Plz don't kill me I have a life to live.

The New Years party is what John really considered a 'party'. It was a get together that they held every year, since they started college. It had started out small, just John, Herc, and Laf. After that, the Schuyler sisters came into their lives, and it was the four of them (Peggy wasn't allowed to drink with them, being the youngest in the group). Eventually, Peggy turned twenty-one and it was the five of them. 

But this year, there would be seven of them. 

Eliza had finally convinced Maria to come over and hang out with them. She had been confused about why Maria was so apprehensive... but after a long and pleading text message from Maria herself, begging John not to buy any peppermint flavored alcohol this year, it became obvious why she was so frightened. 

Then there was Alex. 

John was sure that Alex wouldn't be drinking. John knew that Alex had most likely never drank in his entire life, and it wouldn't be a good idea for him to get intoxicated when he was at least mildly overwhelmed on a good day. Not to mention, John didn't know how much alcohol he could handle and he didn't want Alex's New Year to be ruined because he was stuck in the bathroom- without even seeing the ball drop. 

It would be a special experience for him. John was thankful to be part of many of his new experiences, whether it be snow or even going out to the mall (even thought that had ended horribly, and John still felt his world turn a bit red when he remembered how distraught Alex had been). 

But things had become so much better from then. In the week after exchanging gifts, Alex seemed to grow closer to John, Hercules, and Lafayette. Hercules had started picking up on sign language, and Alex was more than happy to share his books; Hercules now had a huge desire to teach Alex how to sew and knit. 

Lafayette had fallen in love with Alex's hair, telling him how it looked just like dark chocolate, to which Alex's eyes widened as he gave Lafayette a kind albeit awkward smile. Much to everyone's surprise, Alex had allowed Lafayette to braid his hair. Lafayette had attempted to hide their tears of joy whispering, "look how far you've come." 

With John, it was the little things that had changed. He sat closer to John now, and he'd once fallen asleep while they were watching some cheesy hallmark movie, and he'd subconsciously rested his head on John's shoulder. The biggest change, was probably how his door stayed unlocked when he fell asleep. It seemed like such a small thing, but it was such a leap of faith that it made John smile just thinking about It. 

In hindsight, it wasn't as big as letting John teach him how to do something, or letting John mess with his hair- but it was enough. John would take anything, no matter how small, to show that Alex was becoming more comfortable. 

Alex was his friend. 

Lafayette had joked the day before, telling John that by the way Alex smiled at him you would think that he'd fallen in love with John. 

"Nah.. He smiles at everyone like that." John had replied. Alex had a nice smile, it lit up his dark eyes, and caused his eyes to crinkle and when he really got to smiling his nose would scrunch just the tiniest bit. "He smiles at Peggy like that." 

Lafayette had shook their head, clicking their tongue. "Mon ami, no. He looks at you different. His cheeks get all pink and his eyes linger just a little bit longer. It is adorable. Our little lion is smitten, John." 

"Hmm... To be fair, your eyes also linger a little longer than the should, don't they?" Lafayette had grinned, resting their cheek on their hand. "Perhaps the feeling is mutual?" 

John's eyes had widened. He didn't realize that he had looked at Alex that way, hadn't meant to make it so noticeable. But he enjoyed seeing Alex happy. John was born with a natural inclination to care. When he was younger he had found a baby bird on the sidewalk. It was a small little thing, with a broken wing and a mama who'd long abandoned it. 

It's why he became a nurse. He loved to care. His father had pressured him into becoming a doctor or a politician, because that's what men did. But John had been resilient, sticking to his major even when his father threatened to stop paying for college.  
He cared for everyone. 

But, he had to admit, Alex was different. He couldn't lie about that. Alex was special, and he'd become very important to everyone, not just John. 

"It doesn't matter." John had said. "He most likely doesn't feel the same way, and I wouldn't pressure him to like me back, when he's still trying to learn who he is." 

Lafayette dropped the subject, giving John a kind smile- a firm hand on his shoulder. 

Maybe Alex did like him back. 

It was a nice thought, but John knew that it was a shot in the dark. 

X  
John mumbled to himself, as he flipped through the songs on his phone. He had been chosen to decide what music they should play for the night. He knew he'd have to play something fast so Lafayette and Peggy could dance. 

The problem was picking something slow. Maria and Eliza were big on the slow music, and dancing with one another before the new year came in.  
From the corner of his eye, he could see Alex approach him- looking over his shoulder and at the cellphone in John's hand. "Hey, Alex." John smiled. 

'What are you doing?' Alex signed. 

"I'm just trying to pick some music for tonight." John explained. "Something slow, so Maria and Eliza can dance together... And Hercules is a big softy- so he'll probably want to dance with Laf." 

Alex's face grew excited. 'Like the movies?' He signed. 

John smiled and nodded. Alex had been recently taken with Disney movies and classic musicals, much to Lafayette and Hercules' excitement. He was particularly fond of the moment where the protagonist finally got the big dance. 

"Yeah, like the movies." John agreed. 

Alex paused and shook his head. 'I couldn't do it.' He signed, frowning slightly. 

"Dancing in front of people is hard." John agreed. 

'I don't know how.' Alex replied. 

"I could show you how." John said quickly, perhaps a little too quickly because his mouth suddenly went dry, as he realized that he just offered to be closer to Alex than he'd ever been. He tried to correct himself, by itching the back of his head and clearing his throat. "I mean... If you want to." 

Much to John's surprise, Alex nodded rather quickly; he moved back and forth on his heels almost nervously, as John flipped through the songs- trying to find one that would be good for teaching someone how to dance. 

John stood on his feet as the soft music filled the room. He couldn't help but smile when Alex awkwardly held his hands out, smiling a half-grin that never failed to make John's stomach flip wildly. John cleared his throat and gently guided Alex's hands to wrap around his shoulders. 

"You wrap your arms around my neck... Like this." John explained, he gently guided his hands to Alex's waist- watching for any signs of discomfort. Much to his pleasure, Alex seemed comfortable as he nodded and looked down at their feet in concentration 

They swayed to the music, neither of them pulling away. John couldn't miss the way Alex tried to suppress his smile, as he kept his gaze on their feet. 

He hadn't ever been this close to Alex, and he couldn't help but love the way he smelled like strawberries- he loved Alex's warm hands. 

"I must admit, I'm not the best at dancing." John said suddenly. Alex looked up, his brown eyes meeting John's. "I-uh- went to prom with a girl... Didn't even want to- but couldn't let my dad suspect anything." 

John could have smacked himself. Here he was, talking to a guy who had been held hostage for who knows how long- and he was complaining about how he couldn't take a guy to prom because of his father. But, much to his surprise, Alex nodded sympathetically. 

"But it's definitely nicer dancing with you." John smiled. 

Alex blushed, his eyes widening. Before John could help him, he tripped over his feet. John couldn't help but let out a yelp when Alex stepped on his foot. He pulled away quickly, and he looked guilty as he signed 'sorry' and averted his eyes to the floor. 

"It's okay, you did great." John chuckled. 

There was a silence between them for a moment before John sat back in his original spot. "Do you want to help me pick out some songs?" 

Alex nodded enthusiastically and sat down next to John. He sat closer to John now, there shoulders barely brushing as John flipped through the songs, adding one to the playlist every time Alex gave him a thumbs-up. 

X 

It doesn't take long for the party to become what Peggy enthusiastically calls 'lit af'. John made jello shots for everyone the night before, but the others brought more alcohol than he could ever imagine. Much to Eliza's pleasure, the alcohol choices were free of peppermint schnapps (John doesn't tell her that Peggy had practically begged Lafayette to buy some, just to get at Eliza). 

John is also pleased to see that Alex and Maria hit it off right away. He was worried about Alex meeting new strangers, but Maria is typically very much to herself, and doesn't get too much in his personal space. John realizes that Eliza had probably told Maria all about Alex, since he had been living with John for nearly a month now. 

Alex sat between Maria and Eliza, and the two of them didn't seem to mind- as she draped her arm over the two of them. 

Alex would usually sit with Peggy, but the girl had already became drunk off her ass. While the others tried to save their drunkenness for later on, Peggy went head first into it,  
Chugging another shot every time someone did something cringe-worthy on the television. 

"You know, it's only like ten o'clock, Peggy?" Angelica asked, taking a small sip of her drink. "Do you plan to save some until after the ball drops?" 

"Oh hush!" Peggy slurs. "You all get someone to kiss when the ball drops... Me? All I have is my vodka shots to keep me loved." 

"Uhh.. Last time I checked, I don't have anyone to kiss." Angelica frowned. "Neither does John, or Alex for that matter." 

Peggy stuck out her tongue at her sister, but John couldn't miss the way Alex frowned at the subject of kissing. He turned to Maria and questioned it. She looked over at Eliza, obviously not knowing what Alex was trying to ask, after Eliza explained- she placed a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder. 

"On New Years, when the ball drops- you kiss the person you like." Maria explained. "Peggy is a little jealous because she doesn't have anyone to kiss." 

"I'm not jealous I'm just bitter." Peggy pouted. 

Lafayette let out a snort from where they were seated on Hercules lap, taking a sip of their drink. "Bitter? Peggy, I'm French and even I know that is basically the same thing." 

"What the fuck?" Peggy practically squeaked. "Is this drag Peggy day?" 

Angelica gave her sister a sympathetic smile, patting the seat next to her. "Come here and sit with me. When the time comes, you can kiss the couch cushion if it makes you feel better."  
Peggy grumbled, but walked over to her sister, dragging her feet as she went. She plopped down on the cushion next to her and rested her head on her sister's shoulder, a pout still on her face. 

The next couple hours went without incident. Peggy stayed blissfully drunk, and soon enough Eliza joined her- Maria herself was quite tipsy but she indulged her giggly girlfriend every time she tried to place a kiss on her cheek. They filled the time laughing with one another and telling anecdotes about the year.

John didn't bother drinking. He didn't want Alex to feel left out as he looked at everyone enjoying themselves. John could tell he was feeling a little awkward as his posture tightened up, and his hands were balled into fist as the rested on his lap. 

He jumped when Peggy hurried onto her feet. 

"HEY THE COUNTDOWN!" Peggy practically screamed. "THIS SHIT YEAR IS ALMOST OVER, YOU GUYS! WE SURVIVED IT!" 

John couldn't help but chuckle as everyone gathered near the television, and Maria helped Eliza get away from the couch without falling over. 

"Okay, Alex you have to count down with us!" Maria grinned. "When it gets to ten, you can just... Sign the numbers." 

Alex nodded and soon the entire group was yelling the countdown with the people on the television. 

"TEN!" 

"NINE!" 

"7!" 

"...Peggy it's 8." Angelica mumbled. 

"EIGHT!" 

"SEVEN!" 

"SIX" 

"FIVE" 

"FOUR" 

"THREE" 

"TWO" 

"ONE!" 

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" 

True to their word, everyone leaned over to kiss someone else. Peggy kissed her bottle of vodka, swaying back and forth to music, while Angelica placed a small peck on the top of Peggy's head. Maria let out a squeak as Eliza dipped her down, pressing a long kiss to her lips- and Lafayette and Hercules were letting out small giggles as the two kissed each other. 

John couldn't help but smile, although his heart ached just a bit at the thought of not having someone to share a kiss with. From the corner of his eye he could see Alex staring longingly at the others, wringing his hands together nervously. 

He went to turn to Alex- to tell him that it was okay... That their friends were just all lovey-dovey and that's just the way they were. 

But before he could even open his mouth- Alex's lips were on his. 

It was a weird in the sense that John's head became all fuzzy as his mind registered that it was actually happening. It was cliché as hell in John's opinion, as the noise around them seemed to just stop, and everything became muffled. He didn't know how to react at first, being this close to Alex. But his hands made their way to Alex's face. 

His cheeks were soft, and his face was warm- and he tasted sweet, and John couldn't help but kiss him back. His mouth tasted slightly of the cheery vodka that Peggy let him take a tiny sip of (he had cringed, and he had barely been able to swallowed it). 

But it hit him, probably more than the actually kiss had... That this is what he wanted. He had wanted to kiss Alex. He thought Alex was beautiful and kind... Ever since he saw him. 

Lafayette had been right. 

Alex pulled away, almost as quickly as he had kissed him. It didn't take long for John to realize that everyone was looking at them, and Peggy had dropped her bottle of vodka on the floor, the contents now spilled everywhere. 

He also realized that Alex was shaking, as he brought his hand to his lips- which were red from where John had been kissing him. He was backing away slowly, and John could already see the tears in his eyes as he looked at everyone.He looked ashamed. 

He signed 'I'm so sorry', and he was already out of the room. 

The group stayed quiet as he hurried up the stairs, the only sound between them was Alex's heavy footsteps and then the door slamming. 

John didn't move an inch as he was still in shock.

"Holy shit." Peggy mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries from my notebook 
> 
> -New years eve Boiii!  
> -Cute lil dance scene (imagine two awkward middle schoolers dancing for the first time)  
> -Peggy + Vodka is OTP  
> -John is a gem and Alex is a bab  
> -THEY KISS AND THINGS GO TO SHIT ( I MAY DIE?) 
> 
> I marched today with my friends, and I had a good time advocating for womens' rights!
> 
> Also, if you're an American like me (although lets be real, this effects all of us), you may be feeling confused and scared. I'm scared too. But you're going to be okay. We're going to be just fine :)


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex feels like he's drowning; Maria and Eliza offer some support; Maria makes strides of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY. I KNOW I said I would update on Sundays and it's a Wednesday but my class got cancelled so I just went ahead in finished. I don't think I'm going to have a set day on when I'm going to update- instead it's going to be once a week because I'm shit at keeping schedules, I apologize. 
> 
> Also I have clinical on Thursday so this way I can study any day when and update whenever during the week. This may mean more updates for you guys, or at least quicker updates, because I may update on this Monday who knows *shrug emoji* 
> 
> WARNINGS: Alex has a lot of self-hatred in this chapter, a lot blaming, and some unattended self-harm (he accidentally scratches himself)

Alex felt like he was drowning. It was a familiar feeling, from a time that Alex couldn't quite remember- although he'd grown accustomed to the way his throat felt like it was closing up, like his lungs were burning under the pressure of trying to hold his breath... Trying to keep the water out. 

He'd felt this feeling many times in his life, although some of them were hazy. Every time he remembered his mother he felt this way. Every time he remembered the smell of the rain, and the sound of rushing water he felt this way. Every time he felt his captors' hands on him, he felt this way. When he had unlocked his chains and ran from the place he'd been held for so many years, not even bothering to look back- he had felt this way. 

He felt like he couldn't form a coherent thought. His thoughts were muddled and he could only make out single words, as he paced the room with his hands tangled in his hair. Every now and again he would stop, only to open his mouth and try to make any noise at all, but all he could manage was a small whine of frustration- his throat felt like it was closing up. 

He was stupid and foolish- and so naive. He wasn't a child anymore. He had lost his right to be a child so long ago. He'd had to grow up. He had to fend for himself, or at least try to. So why was he still acting like a stupid, foolish boy? 

He had kissed John. Had put his tainted lips on John's perfect one's and kissed him, like he had a right to do so... Like John was his to keep. He was no better than the people who had forced themselves on Alex. He'd deserved it, he was sure of it. John? John didn't deserve someone as stupid and childish as Alex was. He didn't deserve someone who couldn’t even talk. 

But John smiled at Alex like he meant something. He looked at Alex like he could accomplish anything, like everything would be okay. He treated Alex like he was a person who had thoughts, and he had allowed Alex to grow into someone he wasn't almost a month ago. 

John was the first good thing to happen to Alex in what felt like ages. 

But Alex had most likely ruined that- just like he ruined everything... Just like he ruined himself. John didn't deserve that, Alex would only ruin him too. 

Alex could barely suppress a sob as he fell onto his bed- the bed that John had allowed him to sleep in. He had ruined their night. If he had never agreed to follow John home, and if he had never agreed to stay- everyone would have been able to enjoy themselves without Alex messing it up. 

Alex couldn't help but dig his fingernails into his arm, hissing at the pain but enjoying the feeling of actually being anchored to something. He rubbed his face in the bed sheets, as his other hand gripped the sheets in hand. 

They were all so nice. Eliza was kind and sweet. Angelica made him feel safe. Peggy made him laugh and smile. Lafayette braided his hair and smelled like honey- it comforted him. Hercules was smart and creative and helped Alex make things. 

And John... 

John was perfect. 

But Alex was not. 

X 

Eliza felt like she drastically sobered up as soon as Alex backed away from the room and ran upstairs in a hurry, nearly tripping over his feet in order to leave the room. She felt Maria's hand grab her own when she went to follow Alex, knowing that his mind was probably running a million miles per minute. 

"Give him a moment, Liza'." Maria whispered. "He's probably feeling overwhelmed." 

Eliza knew to trust her girlfriend's extinct. She had escaped an abusive relationship- dealt with it all alone. There were times when she was having a particularly bad day, and all she needed was to be left alone. Sometimes the noise was too much and she needed to clear her thoughts. 

While Maria's situation was not exactly like Alex's- she knew more about how to deal with these type of things. Maria had a certain something that Eliza could not begin to understand- even with her degree in psychology. 

Eliza waited about an hour before she decided that it would be okay to go after Alex, and see if he was okay. John had long since gone outside, mumbling that he needed to get some 'fresh air'- Lafayette had promptly followed him. 

Peggy had fallen asleep shortly after dropping her vodka, and Angelica had allowed her sister to rest her head on her lap, while she ran her finger through her curls. Eliza knew that her little sister would no doubt have a migraine when she awoke, and probably wouldn't remember that she had been witness to Alex kissing John. 

Eliza gave Maria a gentle smile before making her way up the stairs, taking extra caution because her vision was still a bit blurry due to the alcohol she had consumed. She nearly fell over, but luckily a pair of arms reached out to grab her around the waist before she could tumble over. 

She looked down only to see her girlfriend standing behind her. "Do you want to go talk to him with me?" 

Maria nodded, and Eliza found herself glad. She had only ever talked to children, and children reacted to trauma vastly different than adults did. Early in her work she had been surprised to see just how open some of the children could be, talking about the trauma like they were talking about their favorite Disney character. The first time she'd heard it, she had to stop herself from dropping her pen on the ground. 

Although she couldn't say it for a fact, she thought adults were different. They tried to hide things, they tried to go on with their day to day life even when they were hurting, and they didn't enjoy talking about the things that they thought made them weak. 

Eliza stopped in front of Alex's door, making sure to knock politely instead of simply entering. She knew that Alex had a habit of locking the door whenever he got anxious, and she could see that he had turned off the light in his bedroom; when his light was on it was usually a sign that he was up reading or writing. 

When he didn't open the door, or smack the door lightly in order to tell Eliza that he didn't want to be bothered, she turned the doorknob. She was shocked to see that his door was unlocked, as she slowly made her was into his room, Maria following behind her. 

"Alex?" She said gently. 

She could see him curled up on the bed, and he shifted slightly at the sound of her voice, burying his head further in the pillow. "Alex? Maria and I just want to talk, is that okay? If it's not you can just shake your head no or throw a pillow at us and we'll leave you alone." 

Eliza smiled at the way her girlfriend stepped back a few steps when Eliza mentioned throwing a pillow at them. Alex didn't make a move, only turned his head slightly. Eliza took it as permission to move closer, and she walked over to the lamp by the beside. 

"Can I turn this on?" She asked gently. 

When he nodded, she flipped on the lamp. Alex buried his face in the pillow again, and Eliza motioned Maria to come forward. Eliza crawled in the bed next to Alex, placing a hand on his back- and Maria sat on the edge of the bed. The two sat in relative silence, as Alex sniffed a few times. 

Eliza heard an intake of breath and turned to look at her girlfriend. Maria nodded her head towards Alex's arm, which he had curled up to his chest. Eliza could see a small amount of blood where Alex had no doubt dug his nails into his arm. 

"Alex, your arm." Eliza said gently. He looked up at her finally, his eyes confused, before looking down at his arm. He regarded the marks as if he had no idea how they got there, and to be fair- he probably didn't. "Why don't you sit up so I can look at it?" 

Alex sat up slowly, and now Eliza could get a good look at his face. His eyes were red from where he'd been crying, and she could see red blotches on spread all over his skin. His hair was sticking up in every direction. He looked pitiful, and Eliza could feel her heart clench for him. 

His arm wasn't that bad, it looked to only be the first layer of skin and it was only bleeding a bit. When Eliza released his arm, Alex stayed in his position, looking down at the blankets and picking at them. 

"Do you want to tell us what's on your mind?" Eliza asked.   
Alex took in a shaky breath, and nodded. He slowly lifted his hands. 'I feel...' He paused, and for a second Eliza wasn't sure if he forgot the word. But then she could see a tear run down his cheek. 'I feel stupid.' 

Eliza quickly relayed the message to Maria, so she would be able to offer some support if she needed too. The other girl nodded sympathetically, as Alex tried to tell them how he was feeling. 

'I hurt John.' Alex signed. 

"Alex, you did not hurt John." Eliza said gently. 

Alex seemed to disagree and he shook his head, frowning. 'I'm a bad guy. I hurt John. I hurt John just like I was hurt. I'm a bad guy.' 

"No, look at me.." Eliza said gently, lifting up his chin. "You got caught in moment, and you kissed John. He is fine. He isn't harmed. He's fine. If he didn't want you to kiss him, he wouldn't have kissed you back. You are not a bad guy, Alex." 

Alex didn't answer, as he stared at Eliza like he was trying to believe her, before she could ask him how he felt, he answered. 'I deserve bad things, John does not.'   
Before Eliza could answer him... Before she could reassure him that he didn't deserve bad things- that he only deserved good things, Maria spoke up. 

"I know it's easy to think that." Maria said gently, scooting over so she was closer to Alex. "I know it's easy to think that you deserve the bad things that happen to you. Because if you didn't deserve them, why else would they happen, right?" 

Maria took a deep breath, and placed her hand on Alex's. "But you aren't made to suffer. I know it's not easy right now. I've had years to wrestle with this, and I'm still not done. But one day you'll wake up and you will know. Sometimes when I get angry, I'm afraid I'll turn into... him. I'm afraid I'll hurt Eliza- that I'm just as bad as he was." 

"But I'm not bad." Maria smiled. "I'm not bad, and neither are you. Okay?" 

Alex's face crumbled as he nodded. Eliza ran a hand through his hair and kissed his forehead. "We're going to let you get some sleep. Will you be okay?" 

Alex nodded and laid back. Eliza put the blanket over him, making sure to tuck it in on the sides so he wouldn't get cold. She flipped off the light and bid Alex goodnight. Maria said goodnight to him as well, squeezing his hand before she followed behind Eliza. 

Once the door was shut, Eliza pulled her girlfriend into her arms. She couldn't help but press a kiss to her lips. She had never heard her open up quite that much. Everything usually came with an emotional breakdown, but she had comforted Alex with such ease. 

"You've come so far." Eliza smiled. "I love you so much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came from a place I know personally, so it's very close to my heart. I, like Maria, have struggled with an abusive relationship and I still blame myself. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment. Don't worry more Lams will come in a few chapters and everything will be okay :) 
> 
> P.S: That thing about kids? In my experience, it's true af. I had a practicum at a children center and these little butts were telling me everything. Things I didn't want to know. They told me E V E R Y T H I N G. 
> 
> Alternate summaries for this chapter:
> 
> -DID SOMEONE ORDER PAIN  
> -HERE IS A SIDE OF PAIN  
> -DON'T FORGET YOUR DRINK  
> -... IT'S PAIN
> 
> ALSO question: would you guys like to see some more maria and eliza fics? Like ficlets? Because I love writing these two and I have some ideas, but I want to know if you guys would like to read them :) Just tell me in the comments.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets someone from Alex's dark past; there's a storm; Alex opens up and let's John comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this on like.. Monday but I had a really bad headache all week and I've been pretty busy. But here it is! Also it's like the longest chapter I've written so far (or maybe the second longest, idk?)

John rested his head on his hand while he attempted to finish up his charting for the day. All and all, it had been a suspiciously quiet day (although, he wouldn't say that out loud- he'd learned his lesson his first year of being a nurse.) The emergency room hadn't been overly hectic, but he knew that would change once the storm came in, and more people were on the road. 

He was thankful for the calm day- because his mind had seemed to wander everywhere. It had been almost a month since Alex had kissed him, and it had been one of the most awkward months of John's life. The two of them remained friendly, smiling at each other and even sitting in the same room. But things felt... different. 

There was a certain awkwardness in the air. The knowledge that they'd had their lips on each other, and John had a gnawing feeling that Alex had regretted it. His mind kept flashing back to the night the kiss had happened. Lafayette had followed him outside, rubbing his back and telling him to give Alex time. 

John didn't know how much time Alex needed. He was aware of the lack of the communication between the two of them, but he didn't know what to say- how to bring it up. He couldn't just say, "hey Alex, so about that kiss... Was it bad? Did you like it?" 

Alex seemed timid by him again, but not quite afraid.One day, they had accidentally touched hands reaching for the remote, and Alex had recoiled his hand so fast that he almost smacked the wall behind him. 

He didn't want to take it personally, but it was hard not to. Alex had come so far, and then they had kissed and now Alex seemed confused and scared.   
But John couldn't blame him, after all he'd been through. 

John was just finishing up when he heard a bed alarm from down the hallway. Before he could turn his head to investigate, one of the younger nurses, Abigail, ran towards him. 

"John." She huffed, out of breath. "Can you please go finish up with my patient in 12B. He got in an altercation, and he's been cleared for concussion- he just needs cleaned up. He can be a bit- eh.. Particular. But I'm needed down here because one of my other patients is being violent." 

John had to keep himself from slumping. He had just been done for the night and was ready to fill in the night staff about the patients he was handing over- he had been almost done charting. Not to mention, he wanted to get home so he can finally talk to Alex. 

Peggy had been busy for the night, but Alex had been persistent that he could finally stay by himself, much to John and Peggy's dismay. John couldn't stop himself from worrying about Alex all day. 

Nevertheless, he couldn't stop himself from giving the young nurse in front of him a small smile. "No problem, Abby. You go and help down the hall." 

"Thank so much, John. You're the best." Abigail said quickly, hurrying down the hallway and towards the room where the alarm was going off. 

John took a second, sparing a glance at his nearly finished charting- before getting up from his chair and exiting the nursing station. His only hope was that it wouldn't take that long to get Abigail's patient cleaned up and ready for the doctor, and that he wouldn't get even more cut up with patients that were not his. 

John knocked before entering the room, and as soon as he entered he could see what Abigail meant when she had described him as 'particular'. After years of working in the ER, 

John could automatically tell when someone was going to be less than pleasant. 

He was grumbling to himself when John entered, hands curled up into fists. John could see where the blood had crusted on his forehead, up to his hairline. John went to greet him when he suddenly remembered that he had forgot to ask Abigail the patient's name. 

John looked over at the computer, and sure enough- like a good nurse- Abigail had logged out of her chart where John couldn't access it. 

He blamed the way his mind was running a million miles per minute. He had just wanted to get home, because he was not comfortable with Alex being alone for this long without anyone. 

"Hello, I'm John, and I'll be filling in for Abigail real quick." John greeted, giving him a small smile as he walked over to the sink and began to wash his hands. 

"Whatever." The man snapped. "When can I get the hell out of here. I've been in this shit hole forever." 

John took a deep, shaky breath. He hated when patients were overly rude, especially this close to the end of his shift. Instead of responding, he sent the man another timid smile. 

"Sorry about that. We're almost done here. Are you allergic to any latex, or do you have any allergies I should know about?" 

The man scoffed. "Do you guys go off a script in this place? The pretty ass nurse asked me this before she left to go somewhere else." 

"It's important that we know if you're allergic to anything, and I can't access your chart right now, sir." John said, the annoyance finally finding it's way into his voice. "If you're allergic to anything, your stay here will be much longer than you want it to be." 

"I'm not allergic to anything." The man snapped. "Can we just get this fucking over with?" 

John mumbled 'gladly' to himself, as he slipped on a pair of new gloves and put his supplies on the table next to the man. He was a bit apprehensive about cleaning him up. The man seemed like the type who would punch a nurse in the face if it stung a bit. It wouldn't be the first time John was punched in the face by a patient... But that had been an old lady with dementia. Something told him that this man could cause a bit more damage than she had. 

"This is going to sting a bit." John warned, as he pressed the gauze against the man's forehead, and began cleaning the area around the cut. Sure enough, the man hissed and went to grab John's arm, but he didn't go any further than that. 

John leaned down to grab the bandage, and he heard the man in front of him chuckle. "John Laurens? Holy shit, you're Henry Laurens son... The politician?" 

John felt his blood run cold, when he realized that the man had read his badge and recognized his last name. It was rare that anyone in New York recognized who he was, especially ever since he left South Carolina. 

"Yeah.." John said slowly. 

"Did some work for the bastard." The man said, the grin on his face turning into what John would describe as 'slimy'. "Back when I was living in South Carolina... before moving West Virginia. You couldn't of been that old kid. Your father is a shady one- would do anything to get on top." 

John gave him a tight-lipped smile, not really caring to know about his life story and suddenly wanting to get out of the room so he wouldn't have to talk about his homophobic father anymore. John had left for a reason... And one of those reasons was because his father would do anything to get on top... 

Even if that meant 'curing' his son of his homosexuality. 

John wasted no time putting the bandage on the man, taking his gloves off and washing his hands. He looked back over at the man, nodding his head politely. "Lucky for you I don't enjoy talking about Henry Laurens. Uh.. I'm all done here and the doctor will be in shortly to discharge you." 

Before the man could respond, John was already leaving the room- forgetting all about the proper communication he was taught when leaving a patient. 

He was at the hospital for about an hour longer after that. He had to finish up the charting, and he was continuously getting distracted. He was more than ready to go when the night nurse arrived, holding a cup of coffee and grumbling about the less than satisfactory weather outside. 

Handing off the patients was quick, because the day had been oddly quiet; John nearly sprinted out of the hospital, before anyone could ask him to stay just a little while longer. He nearly forgot to grab his bag from the locker. 

When he got outside, it was just started to rain slightly- and John inwardly cursed himself for not grabbing an umbrella that morning. To be fair, the storm warning had been announced later in the day, when he was already at work. 

Luckily enough, he had parked closer to the hospital entrance that morning, so he didn't have to walk that far to get in his car. 

He was just about to throw his stuff in the backseat when he heard a familiar voice. The man who he had cleaned up earlier was pacing just feet away from him. He was looking back and forth, as if he was making sure no one was listening- and before John could think, he was suddenly on the ground, hiding behind his car. He figured the man wasn't the type who would go easy on an innocent   
bystander who just happened to stumble across his conversation. 

"I need to know you got a fucking plan to work this out." The man snapped. "No. The man is impossible to get a hold of and I don't know where the snake is hiding now! But mark my God damn words... when I get a hold of Burr I'm going to make the son of a bitch suffer." 

John's blood went cold. 

Burr? 

"I need to find the fucking kid." He hissed. "All I need is for the little bitch to say something, suddenly be gifted with the power of speech, and then it's over. He doesn't know our fucking names but he knows our faces. Do you know how many politicians will be on our asses if we get caught." 

John's hand went up to his mouth, keeping himself from gasping out loud. He knew that he was talking about Alex. John hadn't realized that he had been face to face with one of the men who had made Alex's life a living hell. If he would have known... 

If he would have known, he didn't know what he would have done. He would have hunted Abigail down- asked his name. He would accessed her chart, and said 'with hell to the rules'. He would have went to the authorities. 

But he could of also put Alex in a significant amount of danger. He didn't know who was the other man he was talking to, didn't know how many more men there were. 

"Yeah fine, whatever." He chuckled. "I'm just out of money ever since we lost the boy." 

John didn't want to dwell on the significance behind that statement, but it made his blood run cold and he suddenly felt as if he was going to throw up. 

"It's getting ready to storm." He said. "I'll head over there. Just got my head patched up after a fight with some God damn congressman from New York. I'll see you in a bit." 

John didn't move a muscle as he heard the man grumble to himself and walk to his car, which was only a couple parking spaces away from John's own car. He didn't move until he heard the car start, and he was sure the man had drove away. 

Then, John got in his own car... Wanting to get back to Alex more than ever. 

X 

By the time John got home the storm had already rolled in. He could barely see where he was driving, and his windshield wipers couldn't keep up with how quickly the rain was blocking his vision. He made sure to be extra cautious when going down the road where he had 'met' Alex. 

His mind kept going back to the man from the hospital. He couldn't help but wonder how far he lived from John's own home. He would have to be extra careful to make sure that Alex was never alone- and when they went out he had to make sure no one recognized him. 

The house was dark when John arrived, but he could see the light from the hallway upstairs, a tell-tell sign that Alex was definitely still awake. John contemplated going upstairs to make sure that Alex was alright- maybe he could ease in the conversation he'd been creating in his own head- but he wasn't entirely sure about how to go about it. 

Before he could make a decision, his phone was going off. He almost didn't hear it with the loud crash of thunder that shook the house at the same time his phone started ringing. John jumped, but brought the phone to his ear quickly. 

"Hello?" He mumbled. 

"John, it's me Peggy." Peggy said, and she sounded breathless and anxious on the other end. "I feel so bad about not being with Alex today but I really had to go to this job interview. I'm glad you're home with him. Is he okay?" 

John couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows together, looking at the phone confused. "He's fine? Peggy, why wouldn't he be okay?" 

"Because he's terrified of storms, John!" Peggy snapped. "How could you not know this. He panicked so bad one day he nearly fell down the stairs." 

John looked back up at Alex's room, where the door was cracked. He realized suddenly that the house was eerily quiet, and Alex was usually playing some kind of music. He had recently started listening to the mixtape that Peggy had made for him. 

He blocked out what Peggy was saying, which was no doubt her reprimanding him for not knowing this seemingly simple fact about Alex. "I'll talk to you later Peggy. Bye." 

He hung up the phone and hurried up the stairs. He opened Alex's door and was shocked to find that he was no where to be found. John's mind automatically flashed back to the mall incident, and he felt the same way as he hurried down the hall, opening all the doors while calling Alex's name. 

He hurried down the stairs, flipping on the light switches as he went. He lifted all the blankets from the couch, knowing well enough that he wasn't under them. 

He stopped when he heard a small knocking noise coming from the back. It was so faint that John almost didn't hear it. 

He hurried to the back door and opened it, peeking his head out. 

He looked down and gasped when he saw Alex curled up in a ball, looking ahead, with wide unseeing eyes. "Alex." John said softly, and the other man looked up at him, and John could see that his eyes were red from where he'd been crying. 

He was soaked to the bone. John realized that the temperature was under fifty, and he had no idea how long Alex had been outside. 

"Alex, c'mon.. We got to get you inside." John soothed, and Alex quickly wrapped his arms around John when he bent down to help him up. John could feel him shaking from where he was holding him. 

"You have to be freezing let's get you inside." 

X 

It took some coaxing to get Alex into the house. Luckily, the storm had died down just enough to get him up- but he couldn't miss the way he jumped every time the thunder would crash. John wasted no time fussing over him when he realized that his lips were tinged blue on the sides. 

John practically carried Alex up the stairs, which was a bit harder now that Alex had actually been eating enough to sustain himself. He placed Alex on the bed, and turned to get him some dry clothes, a towel to dry his hair, and the whiteboard so he could actually communicate (his hands were shaking so badly). 

Alex whined when John went to move, grabbing at him before he could leave the room. John smiled and leaned down to embrace Alex, and he could feel him tremble in fear once more. "I'll be back, Alex. I'm just going to get you a towel and some warm clothes.. Before you freeze." 

Alex finally relented and let him go. John wasted no time getting the things he needed, and he made sure to get some fluffy clothes for Alex so he would be warm. 

He turned around when he handed Alex the clothes, allowing him some privacy. He felt a nudge on his shoulder and he turned to find Alex had put on the clothes and was holding the towel out sheepishly. 

"You want me to dry your hair?" John asked, slightly shocked. The only person Alex had allowed to touch his hair had been Lafayette and the girls. John had dreamed about it, more than he would like to admit- but he had never foreseen it actually happening. 

Alex nodded and sat down on the bed, still shivering. John sat down next to him and slowly ran the towel through his dark hair, easing it down to his neck so he could dry it off. Alex reached over and grabbed the board and started writing, while John began to put his damp hair up in a ponytail so it was off his neck. 

John looked down when he was done, to see what Alex had written. 'There was a hurricane when I was younger. I don't remember much, but I remember how it killed everyone.' 

John didn't know what to say, when he finally found his voice all he could manage was 'I'm sorry, Alex'… And he was. He couldn't imagine your only memory being of a tragedy. Everything in Alex's life seemed like a tragedy so far, and John so badly wanted to change that for him. 

"You're safe now." John said, probably for the thousandth time since Alex had arrived. "The storm is over, and the rain will stop. I'm sorry that you had to go through that." 

Alex looked down at his hands, and John slowly took the dry erase board away from him. "Let's get you lying down, you need to be under the blankets so you can get warm, now that we have those wet clothes off of you." 

John helped him lay back, pulling the covers over his body. He tried not think about what the man had said in the parking lot- tried not to think about how anyone could harm someone has beautiful as Alex. He tried to block those thoughts from his mind. 

He probably put way too many covers on Alex, but he flipped off the light. He tried to resist the urge to kiss him on the forehead, but it was so hard because he cared about Alex. He cared about himself so much that he couldn't help but press the softest kiss to the top of his head. Alex didn't seem to mind as he closed his eyes. 

"I'll be here when you wake up." He said softly, going to leave the room. 

Before he could leave, Alex reached out and grabbed his arm. John turned to look at him, and Alex lifted his hands out from under the blanket- and through the dark John could see Alex sign the word, 'stay.' 

"You want me to stay?" John asked, his voice cracking as he tried not to act too shocked. 

Alex nodded, scooting over in the bed. John slowly made his way over, crawling into the bed next to Alex. He slowly pulled Alex into his arms, allowing him to pull away if he wanted to. But Alex didn't pull away, and John couldn't help but bury his nose into Alex's hair- taking in the smell of him. 

"Okay.." John smiled, whispering softly. "I'll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S just in case you guys are like 'JENNIFER WHY DIDN'T HE JUST LOOK AT THE CHART!'
> 
> 1\. You're not ever ever ever supposed to tamper with someone else's charting. EVER. Grey's Anatomy lied to you kiddos.   
> 2\. I need his name not to be known because I live for the drama. 
> 
> Alternate summaries via my notebook
> 
> -A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A NURSE (aka my internal pain)   
> -RESPECT! YOUR! NURSES!  
> -John meets a slimy bitch and I purposely leave his name a secret because 'drama'  
> -THERE'S A STORM AND ALEX IS A BEB  
> -THEY MC FREAKING CUDDLE~!
> 
> please leave me a comment!


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning; we learn more about John; John opens up to Alex; they finally communicate; Alex also has a cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this on a Monday because I'm going to be buuuusyyy all week. I have clinical on Tuesday, gotta fill out for financial aid on Wednesday, Got a clinical at the hospital on Thursday, and then I got to study, aaand then I have a test on Friday. Keep me in your thoughts, for I may die.

John wasn't a stranger to nightmares. They had been a frequent occurrence ever since he was teenager, and they never really went away. He couldn't complain too much about them, because while they were an annoyance, and they left him breathless and shaking- they weren't nearly as bad as Alex's night terrors. But they still kept him from falling back to sleep afterwards. 

They were usually of his father- of his father's face when he'd come out to him at the age of sixteen. The way his father had clenched his fist right in front of John, but only John couldn't move and couldn't stop it when a hand went across his cheek. It was the first and only time his father had ever laid a hand on him, but it had left such a deep mark that John still had nightmares about it nearly ten years later. 

Sometimes it was just a never-ending nightmare of his father taking him to that horrible church group; the group refused to call themselves a 'conversion' group, but John knew the truth. In that dream, they would tell him the same thing over and over.. They would tell him that God had a plan for him and the only way to spend the rest of his life with God was to repent for his sins. 

Those two nightmares were terrifying, and John hated them. But even they couldn't compare to the nightmare he'd had about Alex. 

It had snuck up behind him and he hadn't been expecting it. A nightmare where he was searching for Alex, and yelling his name. For some reason, it didn't occur to him that Alex couldn't yell back- no matter how much he wanted to. 

The lights were out for some reason, and even though the storm had went away during the night- it continued to rage outside. It was worse this time, the windows were completely shattered and the wind was so brutal that John could almost feel it assaulting his face. He continued to yell for Alex, despite his voice getting lost in the wind. 

It was a hurricane, John was sure of it. 

He prayed. He prayed that he would find Alex- and he did. But only Alex was lying on the ground and his back was twisted, broken. His leg was broken too, twisted up behind him. John couldn't move, as the figure standing over him looked at John. It was the same man from the hospital, and John could feel his breath get caught in his throat. 

He could hear his mind screaming at him. 

He could have done more. He should have done more. He could have looked at the chart. He could have went to the police. He could have kept Alex safe. He'd told him over and over that he would keep him safe. Why couldn't he keep him safe? 

X 

John sat up so fast it hurt his neck- he couldn't help the small yell that left his lips when he awoke. It took him a few seconds to realize that'd it all been a dream, and his home was in one piece and Alex was safe. The sun was shining through the curtains, and John looked at the clock by his bedside- letting out a small sign when he saw it was only seven in the morning and there was no way he was going to be able to fall back to sleep. 

He also momentarily forgot that he was not in his room. It was a bit messier than his room, with Alex's notebooks spread across the dresser, and books stacked against the wall; they were organized by the ones Alex had already read and the ones that he had yet to read- and they were even further organized by the one's Alex deemed as his 'favorites'. 

The small intake of breath beside him made him remember that he had in fact fallen asleep next to Alex. The night before came back to him, and he remembered the way Alex had grabbed his arm, signing for him to stay. He remembered how warm he felt falling asleep with Alex in his arms- his cheek pressed against the top of his head. 

John couldn't help but let his eyes linger to Alex, who seemed so relaxed. It struck John, that he had never seen him looked so relaxed in his sleep. Whenever he fell asleep watching a movie with one of the girls, or just fell asleep on the couch- he was always curled in on himself. He always had his arms wrapped around his body, and his eyebrows were always slightly furrowed. 

But now, his limbs were spread out, one of his arms above his head. John couldn't help but laugh at the way his mouth was open, just slightly, a bit of drool running down his chin. He snored too, John realized. But he also looked so alive, with the sun shining on his tan skin, and slightest bit of ruddiness on his cheeks. 

Before John could stop himself, he pressed two finger against Alex's throat, just on the carotid artery. He couldn't help but smile when he felt the steady beat of his pulse under his fingertips. The small action somehow managed to ease all of his anxieties that the nightmare had caused. 

Unfortunately, the action had caused Alex to wake up, as he blinked slowly- his eyes still heavy with sleep. He looked up at John and smiled, and John pulled his fingers away from the top of Alex's throat, mumbling an apology. 

Alex pointed to his throat, frowning and John figured he was questioning him- until Alex let out a cough that sounded a bit deeper than it should be. It was then John realized that he sounded a bit congested when he let took in a breath, and the ruddiness on his cheeks was most likely due to sickness rather than sleep. 

John pressed his hand on Alex's forehead, and sure enough he was slightly warm to the touch. Although, it was obvious it was most likely just a slight fever. John frowned anyway. "I think you're getting a little sick." 

Alex eyes widened, and he grabbed a hold of John's arm- and John could tell that he was terrified at the concept of getting sick. John smiled slightly and ran a hand through Alex's hair. "Just a little cold. I'll go downstairs and make you some warm tea and grab some medicine. I'll be right back, okay?" 

Alex nodded, letting go of John, allowing him to go downstairs. 

John moved in a hurry, grabbing a pill that would ease Alex's congestion- but make him a little drowsy. He made sure to grab one of the cheap instant teas that he enjoyed buying for this exact reason- although Lafayette insisted that he get the expensive tea, because instant tea was way too 'American' for their taste, to which John rolled his eyes. 

John made sure to take his time with the tea, adding some honey to maybe ease any pain Alex had in his throat. It also allowed more time for John get rid of the images the nightmare had planted into his head, and he couldn't help but shiver when he thought about it once more. 

He walked up the stairs slowly, careful not to dump the tea or drop the medicine he had in his hand. Alex sat up when he saw John enter the room, and he smiled as John handed him the tea. "It's hot, by the way. So I would let it cool down a bit." John teased when he remembered Alex's bad habit of drinking and eating stuff that was too hot. 

He expected Alex to smile or roll his eyes, but the boy simply set the tea on the table next to him and frowned. John felt his heart drop at the thought that maybe he had offended him. Alex looked up at him and signed, 'am I going to die?' 

John's eyes widened and he shook his head. "What? No, Alex you're not going to die. You most likely just got a cold from being outside last night." 

Alex nodded, and his cheeks turned even more red as he looked down at his hands again. John knew that something was wrong and he sat down next to him, allowing him to communicate when he was comfortable. 

'My mom died when I was younger.' He signed. 'I think she was sick.' 

John nodded. "You remember that?" 

'A little.' Alex signed. 'I think I was sick too.' 

John put a hand on Alex's shoulder. "You're going to be just fine. You can take that medicine and it will make you feel better, maybe a little drowsy." 

'I don't like to be..' Alex paused, his hands still out in front of him as he no doubt tried to remember the word for whatever he was trying to communicate. Instead, he finger spelled the word. 'Drugged.' 

"You won't be drugged." John explained gently. "It will just make you a little sleepy but you'll remember everything when you wake up. No one will hurt you, okay?" 

Alex nodded, and slowly took the pill from John, taking it with the tea and struggling to swallow it. 'I'm sorry.' He signed. 

John kissed his forehead, his heart flipping when Alex allowed him to once more. "It's okay.. I'm scared of some things too. Sometimes really shitty things happen to us and we're left to deal with all of these fears we shouldn't have to deal with." 

Alex looked up at John, raising his eyebrows. He didn't have to sign for John to know that he was offering to listen. John took a deep breath, wondering if he could really talk about these things. He hadn't really told anyone other than Lafayette and Hercules, even the girls didn't know all about his childhood. But Alex had opened up to him, multiple times. 

"My dad wasn't really that great when I was younger. He was your average, conservative republican.. I guess." John explained. "He was a senator. He hated gay people, thought they needed fixed... So you could imagine how he felt when I told him his son was gay." 

Alex grabbed a hold of John's hand, prompting him to continue. "He just blew up when I told him. I thought maybe- well it was stupid- but I thought maybe he could put aside his prejudices for me, because I was son, you know. But he just hit me, he'd never done that before and I can never get the way it felt out of my head." 

"He made me go to one of these therapy groups. Where they just told me how wrong I was. It was that way until I turned eighteen, and moved out. I haven't really talked to him ever since." John finished. 

He didn't realized he was tearing up until Alex reached over and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He pulled away and smiled at John. 'You're safe now.' He signed, and John couldn't help but chuckle because it was the one thing he could never stop repeating to Alex whenever he was upset. 

"Yeah, I'm safe now." John agreed. 

Alex hesitated, like he didn't quite now what to say. 'I don't regret kissing you.' 

John felt his cheeks heat up and he could help the giddy laugh that he let out. He had been longing to see those words from him, ever since the night Alex had pressed his lips against his. Before John could say anything, Alex pressed another kiss to John's mouth- a small, chaste, peck on the lips. 

"I'm glad." John smiled. "Because I don't regret it either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -*Steven universe voice* WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO EACH OTHER.. JUST GIVE IT A TRY  
> -SURPRISE: John is also suffering  
> -Alex is suffering. But y'all knew that.  
> -Alex also has cold omg  
> -THEY ARE SO BROKEN AND SO BRAVE  
> -I give them a break  
> -morE KISSES
> 
> Please comment~
> 
> It's going to be easy going for these next to chapters......... the calm before the shitstorm if you will.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria surprises Eliza; the squad goes on a camping trip; Alex confesses that one day he wants to hear his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen.. as a bisexual.. I've done some pretty gay shit in my lifetime. But this chapter is the gayest piece of fiction I've ever written. Like.. there is nothing remotely hetero in this chapter. Maybe there's a mention of hetero, but mostly it is gay. 
> 
> ANYWAY. Have a nice, no-drama, mostly angst-free chapter on Sunday because I'm going to be studying for my pharmacology test literally all day- and I had a rough clinical and i needed to write something (it was such a bad clinical. so bad).

John had never considered himself a lonely person. He had a group of loud, obnoxious but fiercely lovable friends- and that's all he thought he needed. He hadn't spoken to his family in who knows how long. He had left the first chance he could, taking the money for college with him- and he'd never looked back. Eliza, Peggy, Angie, Lafayette, and Hercules had became his family; they had protected him when he needed it, and they were there for him whenever college became too much. 

So he'd never really considered himself lonely... Until recently. 

Romantically speaking, John was lacking experience. He had dated a girl in high school- but there hadn't been anything there. He'd had a short fling in college with a boy- after one night of fun it was over between the two of them, and seeing him on campus was pretty awkward ever since. He'd just accepted that he could live vicariously through his friends' romances. 

Then Alex came along and reminded John that he had been lonely before he met him. He didn't know his heart could be full of so much affection for someone, until Alex entered his life. 

The two weeks after Alex had confessed he didn't regret kissing John, were the best two weeks of his life. They'd gotten to know each other, and John was able to watch as Alex opened up to him even more. He would tell him about what he remembered, and John was there to stop him if it got too hard (it usually got a bit difficult for him when he talked about the hurricane). Likewise, John told Alex about his father and how that altered the way he showed affection, especially to those of the same gender. 

They mostly did mundane things together. Alex had started to help John cook dinner, and John made sure that Alex wore baking mits so he didn't burn his hands. 

One day, when the temperature was finally above fifty degrees, John had packed them a picnic.. Which was horribly cliché and he could already see Peggy cackling to herself. The two of them had went to a park just down the street, close to John's house. They'd been alone at the park, since it was a weekday and children were in school. 

It had been nice and John had been amazed by the way the sun shone down on Alex's face- and the shadow of his eyelashes on his cheek had managed to take John's breath away (he had dropped his food onto the ground, and Alex had gave him a suspicious look before tearing off half of his own sandwich and giving it to John). 

They were careful not to tell anyone about their relationship, at least not yet. The entire group would freak out and no doubt start planning their marriage. They hadn't really agreed on what exactly it was yet, but it was more than just a budding friendship, and Alex would sometimes point to his own lips when he wanted a kiss from John. 

That's what he did just before Maria burst through John's front door, making him wonder if any of his friends knew how to actually knock on the door. 

Luckily, John pulled away just before Maria entered the living room- but Alex was still resting his head on John's lap, and Maria looked like she was at a loss for words as she stared suspiciously between the two of them and then gave them both a knowing smile. 

"Do you need something?" John asked, his face (and Alex's) growing a bright shade of pink. "Also.. Is it just like a agreed thing that no one knocks on my door?" 

"Oh hush.. I have a question to ask you- or more like an invitation." Maria explained, her hands going in front of her, and she nervously messed with the sleeve of her shirt. 

Alex sat up when she said that, narrowing his eyes at Maria as he no doubt tried to guess what the favor was. John nodded, motioning her to continue. Maria took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm going to ask Eliza to marry me." 

Alex jumped up then, a huge smile on his face as he pulled Maria into a hug. The woman laughed and embraced Alex even tighter. Alex rested his head on her shoulder, looking content as Maria ran a hand through his hair, turning back to John. "I'm going to ask her to marry me tomorrow, and I figured I'd do it at this beautiful lake she loves.. Apparently Lafayette knows a cabin we can rent, I thought it would be nice." 

John saw Alex tense up slightly at the mention of a lake, and John knew it was because of his fear with large bodies of water. Nevertheless, Alex smiled at Maria and nodded- his eyes crinkling at the sides. John knew that there were many things they could do without getting near the water- and with it barely being spring, John doubted they'd be getting into the water anyway. 

"Yeah, sure that would be fun- I guess we better pack." John said, smiling at Alex, who was gone before the words could even leave John's mouth- practically tripping up the stairs to get to his room. 

"He's excited." John chuckled. "Do the others know?" 

"Yeah, I talked to Peggy and Angie today- and Lafayette and Hercules yesterday." Maria explained. "Eliza thinks it's just a simple get together, so she'll be surprised." 

The two stayed silent, and then Maria smirked motioning toward the stairs. "Do they know about whatever you got going on with baby boy?"   
John couldn't help but smile at the term 'baby boy', his friends had become fiercely protective over Alex sometime during his stay with John. 

"No, and I hope that you won't tell them. You know how excited they get, they'll try to plan our wedding before you can even ask Eliza to marry you." 

Maria nodded in agreement. "You know I won't say anything.. Just be good to him John. I know you will, but he's still recovering and there are times where you think you're helping him but he just needs to be alone." 

John nodded, hoping that when that time came he would be able to give Alex the space he needed. 

X 

The ride to the cabin reminded John of the ride to the mall, just months before. The only difference was John didn't have a feeling of impending doom in his gut, and they decided it was best if Eliza rode with Maria since none of them (other than Alex) were good at keeping quiet. 

They had got up at the crack of dawn, packed the rest of their stuff and then met Lafayette and Hercules outside to go pick up Angelica and Peggy- and follow Eliza and Maria to the cabin. Alex had barely been able to stay awake until they had got something quick to eat, and Alex a big cup of coffee. 

Now, he was listening intently to whatever Peggy was ranting about. John couldn't stop staring at his face when he concentrated- he would always scrunch up his nose when something made him angry, and John thought it was truly one of the cutest things. 

"Anyway, so 'cash me ousside' is one of the weakest memes we've had for awhile- and barely even sub par compared to the memes that vine created. It's a meme that is glorifying a girl who is rude to her mother and breaks the law- what kind of precedent are we sending to our children? This isn't pepe the frog, it's not even with the 'sure Jan' meme.. Which had a very short run." Peggy explained, and Alex nodded along- probably having no idea what she was talking about. 

Lafayette watched Peggy from the passenger seat as Hercules chuckled but paid attention to the road. "Why the hell aren't you a lawyer, Peg.. If you talked about serious things.. You'd be a good lawyer." 

"These are serious things to me, you toasted baguette.. And Alex." She frowned, pointing to Alex who at this point seemed to be falling asleep and in no mood to tell Peggy that he didn't really know what memes she was talking about. 

"You bored him to sleep." Lafayette chuckled. 

"I'M GOING TO PUSH YOU OUT OF THE CAR, YOU ABSOLUTE CROISSANT." Peggy snapped. 

"How do you say... cash me ousside, how bow dah?" Lafayette said slowly. 

Angelica quickly subdued Peggy before the younger girl could actually push Lafayette out of the car. John looked down at Alex, who was now resting his head on his shoulder- already falling asleep. When he looked back up, he caught Angelica's gaze but she turned to look at the road before she could question anything. 

"I'm jealous of her." Angelica sighed, changing the subject away from the memes. "I can't believe my baby sister is getting married before me." 

Peggy gaped. "Uh.. I'm not married." 

"Yeah, but you're a baby-baby." Angelica waved off the comment. "Eliza is the middle sister, she shouldn't be getting married before her older sister." 

"That's because you have a type." John chuckled. "Every time you date someone.. They're too short, or they eat funny.. Or they're not woke enough. It's okay. It just means you're looking for someone who is good enough for you." 

"You're so hard to satisfy." Peggy mumbled. 

"Nah, not many people are good enough for the Angelica Schuyler." Hercules said, sending a kind smile to Angelica. 

Angelica smiled and kissed Peggy on the side of the head, despite her protests. "That is very true." 

X 

They reached the cabin in a couple of hours, Eliza practically jumping out of the car before it could even stop. She waited for the everyone to get out before she squealed about how it was her favorite spot- the lake that Mr. Schuyler would take them every summer. 

"Yeah, also the lake where you put a fish down the swimsuit that one year." Peggy pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Thanks to you, I have an incurable fear of goldfish." 

Angelica laughed and rested her hand on Peggy's shoulder. "I mean.. It was pretty funny seeing you scream and tell dad and mom that you were going to die. It was little goldfish." 

"I was seven." Peggy snapped. 

"You were like sixteen, Peggy." Eliza corrected. 

"Why don't we go get our stuff put in the rooms." Maria interrupted, eyeing Hercules who was carrying his own stuff and the insane amount of bags Lafayette had decided to bring. The man let out a grumbled 'please' at Maria's words. 

John and Alex followed behind everyone else, Alex's eyes glued on the massive lake that was just behind the cabin. John could already see Alex's breath quicken just slightly, and squeezed onto his shoulder before he could panic- offering some support. 

"It's just water, Alex." John whispered. "It's not going to hurt you." 

Alex nodded, and grabbed a hold of John's hand- giving it a tight squeeze before they entered the cabin. The cabin had four bedrooms, and Angelica decided she was going to room with Peggy.. and Hercules with Lafayette. This left Alex and John to share a room, and the two of them tried to hide their excited smiles when Maria told them, with a slight smirk on her lips. 

They got settled in rather quickly, John unpacking his own stuff and helping Alex sort through the large amount of books he'd brought with him- just to help him fall asleep. 

When John turned around from placing a book on the bookshelf, Alex was pressing a finger to his lips and smiling sweetly. John grinned back, placing a soft kiss on Alex's lips, and much to his surprise Alex kissed back with more enthusiasm than he did before. 

"Where did that come from?" John chuckled, slightly breathless. 

Alex shrugged, and signed. 'I like kissing you. It makes me feel safe.. Protected.'   
John kissed his forehead. "I'm glad, Alex." 

Alex nodded, and hesitated before signing back. 'One day.. I want to be able to talk. I don't know what my voice sounds like and I want to hear it... I want you to hear it.' 

John froze. He would love to hear Alex's voice, but he understood that for him to feel comfortable enough to talk he would need to get to the root of issues- he would need a therapist to help him feel safe, to help him get over his anxiety. It wasn't something John himself could fix, and it was something that would take time. 

John didn't know if he had the money for that. He wanted Alex to stay with him, for a long time. He'd grown important to John- and selfishly- John hadn't thought about what kind of help he would need to get over his issues. 

"You'll get there." John said, even though he wasn't sure he would be able to get Alex there. "You'll get there someday. But I like you just the way you are." 

X   
The rest of the day went as planned. They played a very interesting game of Cards Against Humanity, in which John found out that Alex could be quite brutal when he wanted to be. The group was amazed and astonished to see that Alex had won the majority of the black cards by the time the game was over. Peggy nudged him over and over telling him that he was "savage", to which Alex just nodded and winked- a triumphant smirk on his face. 

They had attempted to play volleyball outside, but the net proved to be stubborn to get up- and Peggy became way too competitive when she played volleyball. John recalled one time, years ago, when Peggy had practically elbowed Lafayette in the face in order to get to the ball. 

When evening came around and the sun had just started to set- that's when Maria left a note for Eliza while she was in the shower. It simply told Eliza to meet Maria on the beach, and to wear something nice. 

It had taken some persuading to get Alex to follow John to the beach. Finally, he agreed to try to stay on the beach as long as he didn't have to get anywhere near the water. John reminded him that it was too cold to get in the water anyway, so there wouldn't be any of that. 

Before Eliza could meet them outside, Maria was a mess- pacing back and forth, and kicking sand every which way. It was Angelica who placed her hands on Maria's shoulders, looking into her eyes, and instantly calming her down. 

"We're talking about the girl who told you that you were cute and then threw up on your shoes- she isn't that hard to impress." Angelica said bluntly. "In plus, she loves you and you're all she talks about twenty-four seven." 

"I am?" Maria gulped. 

"Yeah it's always.. Maria made the cutest face today... Maria did this today.. Maria is so pretty when she wears her hair like this-" Peggy explained, numbering everything off with her fingers. "I know like everything about you, because of Eliza." 

Before Maria could respond, Eliza approached them, laughing as she looked out at the lake. She looked pretty in a simple blue dress, with a shaw draped over her shoulders in case she got cold. Angelica let go of Maria's shoulders, and walked over to John and the others- pulling Peggy with her. 

"This is nice." Eliza smiled. "But what's this all about? Are we going out to eat or something." 

"No.. But I- uh.." She turned to the others and Alex gave her a thumbs up. "I have a question to ask you." 

Before Eliza could respond, Maria was already on one knee, pulling the ring out of the pocket of her cardigan. Eliza let out a small gasp when she realized what Maria was doing, and John could already see the tears gathering in her eyes. 

"I love you, a lot." Maria said shakily. "No one has ever made me as happy as you have. You took care of me when I needed someone, and respected my boundaries when I needed to be alone. Before you.. I thought love was coming home drunk and forgiving someone who hit you- but you showed me that I deserved to be love. I can't ever thank you enough, and I'm so glad that you danced with me and threw up on my shoes that night I met you... You're my entire world... Will you marry me?" 

Eliza smiled and nodded, letting out a watery laugh. "Oh my God, yes.. Yes I will marry you!" 

Maria laughed, pulling Eliza into her arms. Eliza spun her around a bit before placing a kiss on her lips. 

The other's watched, feeling as if they were intruding on a personal moment, but not having the heart to leave the two of them. 

"That's so gay.." Peggy whispered, wiping a tear from her eyes. 

"They are gay." Angelica whispered. 

"That's what makes it so gay." Peggy responded. 

John reached out and grabbed a hold of Alex's hand, without really thinking. He wanted to be that person to Alex. He wanted to make him feel protected and safe- he wanted to take care of him the way he deserved to be taken care of. 

He squeezed Alex's hand, smiling when Alex squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -ALEX AND JOHN SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
> -Maria knows.. nothing gets passed her.   
> -THERE'S A LAKE I KNOOOW IN A NEARBY PAAARK  
> -This is so gay. little does mama know she raised a gay.   
> -Alex wants to someday hear his voice and jfc john wants to help him so badly but he doesn't have the money bless his heart i love them both  
> -THE CUTEST MARRIAGE PROPOSAL  
> -Peggy, a known bisexual, saying "that's so gay" because she's me
> 
> Please leave me a comment, they make me happy.. Make me wanna write~
> 
> P.S.. Peggy's rant about 'cash me ousside' meme, is an actual rant I got into with my brother. He fell asleep.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy discovers some interesting news; no one is really THAT surprised; Alex overcomes his fear of water, with the help of John of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! TWO chapters in one week, I know.. I know. BUT it's Valentines day and this is my gift to you guys! Another sweet little chapter between these two dweebs :)

The morning, for Peggy, really sucked. Sometime during the night she had fallen in a bush of poison ivy while attempting to play a rousing game of kickball with Lafayette in the dark. It had started off with a small itch the night before- but as the sun started shining through the window, she was rudely awoken by the irritating itch that ran down her arms. 

She turned onto her back with a groan, tugging at her curly hair as it fell lifelessly over her face. She ran her hands through it, in order to keep it from getting tangled. She loved her sister.. So much. She wouldn't have went on the 'camping' trip if it wasn't for her sister. She didn't particularly enjoy this place- and she found a bit of joy in the fact that they would be packing up the next morning, and she could take a cold shower and not worry about getting poison ivy all over her body. 

She looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember where she had left the itch-cream the night before. She had been outside with the others, and eventually she had followed Alex upstairs- sitting on the bed (complaining about how much she hated camping in first place) while she ran her fingers through his dark hair. 

Peggy stood on her feet, swaying slightly from getting up so quickly. She had most likely set the tube of anti-itch cream on the bedside, and she hoped she could sneak in there without waking Alex or John. 

She strategically tiptoed down the hallway, frowning when she heard Lafayette's loud laugh from down the stairs. Of course, they and the others would be up at the crack of dawn. John was most likely downstairs with them, since he was a bit of a morning bird (nurses were weird like that). But Alex, like her, enjoyed his sleep.. Since he didn't get much of it. 

Peggy turned down the hallway, sneaking into Alex's room. She expected to see Alex wrapped in his blankets, sleeping away- the bed next to him empty and unmade from where John got up in the morning. That's what she expected because, of course, that's what any normal minded person would be expecting to see. 

Needless to say Peggy was taken aback- shocked was a better word for it- when she saw Alex curled up in John's arms (JOHN'S ARMS!).. Fast asleep. She leaned against the wall, eyes wide, as she put her hand on her chest, scandalized. 

She had so many questions. The first one of these questions being 'when the hell did this happen?' And her second question being 'WHEN the hell did this happen?' And her third question being 'why did Alex and John not confide in her, the lovable and funny Margaret 'Peggy' Schuyler'. 

She literally couldn't stop staring, because Alex looked so relaxed with John's arms around his waist. He looked the most relaxed Peggy had ever seen him- and it was incredibly adorable; Alex was smiling in his sleep.. And John, whose eyebrows were always furrowed and forehead always scrunched in stress, looked relaxed and content as he rested his head on top of Alex's, nuzzling his nose into Alex's hair and letting out a content sigh. 

Peggy didn't say another word, not wanting them to wake up which would lead to her having to explain why she was awkwardly staring at them. She grabbed her tube of anti-itch cream, which was conveniently placed on the end table, and hurried down the stairs. 

She ran downstairs quickly, taking two steps at a time. When she got to the kitchen, everyone was gathered around the table. Hercules was assisting Lafayette in putting their hair up and they all were nursing cups of coffee. 

Peggy stopped at the doorway and Eliza looked up at frowned. "Peggy, you act like you've seen a ghost. Is everything alright?" 

She didn't know exactly how to tell the others that he was nearly one-hundred percent sure John and Alex were in a secret relationship. She was afraid that they would all freak out (because she totally HAD), and she was also afraid that it was super obvious to everyone but her. She mentally went through all of the times she'd seen Alex and John together.  
They hadn't seem particularly touch-y with one another.. Of course they both had that doe-eyed look whenever the other wasn't looking. 

"I think... I think that Alex and John like each other- and I mean like-like each other." Peggy said suddenly, feeling too much like a second grader who was spreading classroom gossip. 

Much to her surprise, there wasn't a collective gasp or even a jaw drop. The others looked back and forth between each other. Lafayette shrugged and took a sip of their coffee. 

"Everyone knew this.. Have you seen the way they look at each other? The way John stares at Alex when he isn't looking. He practically counts his eyelashes." 

"In plus they kissed, Alex totally kissed John during New Years and John LOVED it. This is old news Peggy." Angelica said nonchalantly. 

Peggy gaped. Oh, yeah, they had kissed at New Years. "I forgot the New Years thing, but that ISN'T the point here.." 

"You forgot it because you were drunk. We could light a fire with your breath." Hercules chuckled, finishing up Lafayette's hair and kissing them on the cheek. "There you go babe, it looks great- if I do say so myself." 

"If only they'd just fess up to each other, and then they would be so cute together." Eliza frowned, leaning down to rest her cheek on the top of Maria's head.  
"Uhh.. I think they are- that's my point!" Peggy hissed. "I walked in there to get my itch cream because the poison ivy is spreading and I'm pretty sure that it's going to end up on my butt and I really-" 

"Too much, le Peg." Lafayette winced. "Just get on with it." 

"Okay so I walked into Alex and John's room, without knocking- I'm trash, I know. Anyway, I walk into their room and Alex is cuddling with John, like actually cuddling. And Alex looks so relaxed and not even stressed and John has his face buried in Alex's hair.. It didn't look like the type of platonic cuddling two friends would do to keep warm." Peggy rambled. 

Now, there was the reaction she had been looking for. The others set down their cups and looked at each other, Lafayette's mouth was agape. Peggy widened her eyes and nodded, as if to say 'see what I mean?' There was a collective silence in the room, before Angelica spoke up. 

"So.. Uh.. That does sound pretty romantic." Angelica said, clicking her tongue. 

"When did this even happen?" Hercules trailed off. 

Maria made a humming noise and took a sip of her coffee, and suddenly all eyes were on her. Eliza caught on right away and looked positively scandalized as her girlfriend continued drinking, keeping her eyes down. 

"You knew!" Eliza whined. "Maria, you knew that they were dating and you didn't say anything." 

Maria took a deep breath and held her hands up in defeat. "I kinda knew? I saw baby boy laying his head on John's lap and I brought it up to John and he made me promise that I wouldn't say anything- so he didn't deny it and he told me not to say anything so I kinda assumed they're dating now." 

"That is so precious!" Angelica squealed. "Johnny has always been so lonely, and now he has little Alex to keep him company. I'm happy for them!" 

"Why did he make you promise not to tell us?" Peggy asked. 

"Because of this." Maria motioned around the room with her hands. "You guys are great friends, and lovable and loyal to almost a fault. BUT you make every tiny situation like an entire grey's anatomy episode." 

Lafayette gasped, placing their hand on their chest. "I resent that!" 

Angelica sighed and rested her cheek on her hand. "Now which one do we give the 'if you hurt them, I'll freak out' speech to. John has been our best friend for awhile.. But Alex is the one whose still afraid of everything around him." 

"Neither of them." Maria said, although she was not harsh in her words. "They're both doing their best. John is scared about hurting Alex.. And Alex is scared he's doing something wrong. They don't need that speech now. We won't tell them we know, unless we see it or something." 

Lafayette nodded. "Yeah, let's just let them enjoy it." 

"Let them enjoy what?" A voice chuckled. 

They all turned, and sure enough Alex and John stood in the doorway- looking tired but happy, with smiles on their faces. No one could miss how close Alex was standing to John; they were all at a loss for words as they tried to come up with a context behind what they said. 

"Uh.. Maria and Eliza." Peggy said quickly. "Ya know, they just got engaged last night and they can't keep their hands off of one another. It's ridiculous." 

Eliza tossed her hands up, grinning at everyone. "Anyway, it's actually above seventy degrees today so I figured we could all go down to the beach and dip our feet in."  
Peggy considered that Eliza's way of saving her before she could say anything stupid and blow the facade that they were all blissfully unaware of John and Alex's newfound romance. 

"Sounds like a great idea, Eliza.." Peggy smiled. "I'll just- I'll go get my stuff." 

X 

Alex and John sat on the deck of the cabin, listening to the sound of the others laughing just down the trail- where the lake was. John could tell Alex felt badly as he told him small anecdotes about his childhood, of the time before his dad was terrible (which, to be honest, he was pretty sure his father was always terrible- at least to his mother). 

Alex smiled along and nodded, kicking his feet back and forth as he ran his hands along the wood of the deck. John couldn't miss the way his eyes looked straight ahead, at the lake that was just barely visible through the trees. 

'I'm sorry.' Alex signed. 'You want to be down there with them. I'm afraid.' 

"Hey it's okay, Lex'." John smiled, running a hand over Alex's shoulder. 

Alex didn't say anything. 'I want to try.. I want to try later- but I'm afraid." 

John sighed, thinking of a way to ease his fears. "Well.. I know you're scared because of the hurricane, but it can't hurt you here. It's nice outside and the lake isn't the same as the ocean, you'll be safe." 

John found himself afraid that he'd misinterpreted Alex's fears as he didn't respond for a little while, just looking out at the lake. 'I'm afraid of drowning.' He signed. 

"Not the hurricane itself.." John finished. 

Alex nodded. That made sense to him. Alex had explained that he'd seen a lot of people die on his island, and he had been helpless to do anything about it. He'd been young- just a boy- and he couldn't swim. It hadn't been the hurricane that had made him terrified, but the water. 

"I'll be with you." John said softly. "Nothing will happen because I'll be there to hold your hand. We'll only stay on the shore- and if you want to go back at anytime, you can." 

Alex nodded, smiling at John when he lifted up Alex's hand to place a kiss on his knuckles. He held onto his hand for a few more minutes, until they heard the groups voices coming up the trail. Alex gently pulled his hand away and smiled sheepishly. 

When they got up the trail, Lafayette seemed mortified. Peggy gleefully recounted the story about how Lafayette had stepped on a fish and promptly screamed loudly. "There literally won't be any fish for like the next ten years, because of Le baguette over here. I feel sorry for the fishermen, you probably took away their livelihood." 

"Uh.. I remember the story of you getting a fish down your swimsuit and screaming that you were going to die, MARGE!" Lafayette rolled their eyes. 

"Okay, one, that was down the swimsuit it could have swam up my butt." Peggy snapped (Eliza had nearly choked on the sip of water she was taking). "And TWO, my nickname is Peggy where the hell did you get Marge at? When has anyone ever called me MARGE." 

John spoke before the argument could escalate any further- and then he and Alex would be lucky if they got to enjoy the beach before they left. "Alex wants to try to get near the lake, so we'll be down there. Don't kill each other while we're gone." 

"No promises." Maria mumbled. 

They walked the trail down to the lake slowly, John's hand never leaving Alex's grip. Alex stopped them every now and again, looking back up the trail like he wanted to turn around. John gave him a few minutes, and Alex would decide to continue. 

Alex was stubborn, John could already see it in him- and he loved that about him. He was able to be stubborn and brave without saying a single word. The things that Alex wrote after reading nearly all the books he'd bought from the bookstore, was witty and intelligent. He found himself amazed how he could convey so much without even talking. 

He couldn't even imagine the type of force he'd be we he gained his voice back. 

Alex froze up when they finally reached the beach, John stopped with him once more. This time he was closing his eyes and John could feel his hand shaking from where it was holding onto his. "Hey.. You wanna turn around? It's okay we don't have to do this, Alex." 

Alex shook his head, taking a deep breath. He walked slowly, John with him. When they finally reached the shore, the water just inches from their feet, John squeezed his hand. 

"See it's just a lake, it's kinda boring actually." John chuckled. "There's not even much of a tide, and nothing can hurt you. I mean, I guess getting sand in your shoe kinda sucks." 

Alex hesitantly moved his foot, so that his toes were in the water. John watched as he looked down at the water in fascination, as his feet became submerged. John followed next to him, standing in the water as well. 

"You did it Alex- you got in the water!" John grinned at him, prompting an even bigger smile from Alex- who edged closer to John. "I'm proud of you." 

Alex tapped his lips with his fingers, and John was more than happy to pull him into a kiss- his hand still intertwined with Alex's. 

"Hey guys, I forgot my towel-" 

They pulled away, looking across the beach to where Peggy was standing. Her mouth was wide open, and soon turning into a cheesy grin as she practically hoped from foot to foot. "I KNEW it! I knew you guys were a thing! I'm so happy for you guys!" 

She squealed, leaving the spot where she was standing and hurrying back up the trail- yelling as she went.. And forgetting her towel. 

"..I think they may know.." John said slowly, turning back to Alex who let out a silent laugh, nodding- John couldn't help but chuckle back as Alex shrugged, pulling John in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -SO SWEET MY TEETH ARE NOW ROTTEN  
> -Peggy was too drunk to remember the kiss fiasco  
> -THEY all love Alex and John so much :')  
> -Alex is a sweet bab who just wants to be brave (and he IS)
> 
> Please leave me a comment~ Next week things.. go back to being pretty angsty.


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John suggests something to Alex; Eliza starts to plan her wedding; John and Alex receive an unexpected visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short, I'm sorry.. and it kinda ends on a cliffhanger (I'm sorry). My week is going to be pretty rough, so please wish me luck :o

Although he enjoyed spending time camping with his friends, he was more than happy to be back at the house with Alex when the weekend was over. After Peggy had discovered their relationship, they found out that the entire group had already known- due to Peggy walking in on them holding each other that morning. 

Lafayette had raised an eyebrow at John after Alex had followed the girls into the hallway, Eliza squealing about how she was ecstatic that John had finally found someone to make him happy- and what better person than Alex, who had become a great friend to all of them. 

"You guys.. Just cuddled, right?" Lafayette mumbled, giving John a cautious glare. They both knew that Alex was not ready for that type of intimacy, and he wouldn't be for awhile. John was absolutely fine with that- he would never pressure him to do something he wasn't ready for. 

John had nearly choked at the thought, giving Lafayette a scandalized look. "Laf, what kind of question is that? Of course we just cuddled I would never.."   
Lafayette gave him a apologetic wince and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know this, little John, I'm sorry to question you. I just don't want you or Alex to get hurt. You know Alex would do anything to make you happy, and he's never been in a romantic relationship- I simply wanted to make sure that you were being careful." 

John wasn't angry that Lafayette was looking out for Alex, in fact he was glad. John doubted that Alex had anyone to look out for him for a long time. He had already explained to John that he only briefly remembers his mother, and that there had been another family at one point but he couldn't even remember their names or what they really looked like- only that he had cared for them. 

"I know, Laf." John smiled, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder (having to reach up a bit, because Lafayette was very tall). "You don't have worry. We're doing good and I'll protect him. He's not going to get hurt while I'm around." 

It was a very confident statement, John was aware- and the look that Lafayette gave him told him as much. He could do his best to keep Alex safe, and to get him the help he needed but it came down to the fact that John had no idea how far Alex's captors lived from him. 

He had went around the wooded area Alex had came from, more than once. He had searched around for any place that looked remotely sketchy; he had searched for the man he'd seen weeks ago, the one who had explicitly mentioned Alex.. But he found nothing. 

He'd looked up any abductions that occurred near his house, and couldn't find any. A huge part of John wanted to just accept that Alex was safe- but he couldn't help but remember that Alex still didn't feel entirely safe outside, and he still panicked any time someone touched him too fast, or looked at him for too long. 

He wanted Alex to be safe- wanted Alex to stay with him. Alex had become such an integral part of his day to day life that he couldn't imagine him leaving. 

This thought haunted him for a couple days, until he'd come up with a solution that he knew, deep down, was going to be difficult for everyone. "Alex.. Maybe one day we could move away from New York, would you like that?" 

Alex looked up from the book he was reading, curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over his lower half. He gave John a weird look, raising an eyebrow with a weird half-smile. 'New York is home. Friends live here.' He signed. 

John went to speak, but closed his mouth quickly. He knew Alex was right, and them leaving the state would break their friends' hearts. He couldn't ask them to leave with him- couldn't ask them to uproot their entire lives so they could go move across the country with Alex and John. He also knew he may not be able to afford to move with a nursing salary. 

"Not right now.. Maybe later." John smiled. "Just think about it- it would be nice. We could get you therapy so you could speak like you want to.. we could wait until I move up in my career- and we could get a nice house. Nothing fancy, but maybe you could have a library." 

Alex's face lit up at that, as he hugged the book to his chest and smiled. 'I want to go to college. Work in politics.' 

"Yeah, so what do you think?" John smiled. "Just me and you. That would be nice." 

Alex's smile faltered, and John felt his heart drop, as he signed. 'You have friends here. I don't want to take that from you.' 

John understood where Alex was coming from, he'd been friends with the Schuyler sisters, Lafayette, and Hercules for years. They'd been through so much together, and he couldn't imagine them apart. But he cared for Alex. He cared for him so badly that he only wanted him protected, and healthy.. And happy. What if John couldn't give him the happiness he deserved while he was in New York? 

Before they could get anywhere in the conversation, the front door opened and Eliza came in- practically skipping, with Peggy, Hercules, and Lafayette behind her. John smiled at the group as they walked in, looking between Alex and John and obviously not realizing the serious conversation they'd had minutes before. 

"No comment about how we never knock?" Peggy questioned, smirking at John. 

"I've grown numb to it, at this point." John sighed. "I think I would be more concerned if you did knock. I'd think my friends had been replaced by aliens." 

"Liza' has been replaced by an alien, a lovesick, drowned alien puppy." Peggy snorted, pointing to her sister who had placed binders down on the coffee table, and opened them up to show Alex. 

Eliza stuck her tongue out at Peggy and then turned to John and Alex. "I've come to talk about my wedding with you guys- and I need second opinion. Of course, Herc agreed to make my dress because I wouldn't trust any other person in the city to make it." 

Hercules smiled sheepishly and knelt down next to Eliza. "You flatter me." 

Lafayette rested their head on Hercules shoulder, pouting as they looked down at the binders full of dress ideas. It was obvious that Eliza had been planning this wedding for years, because when John approached he could see that some of the pictures had been marked by Eliza, from early in her childhood. 

"Herc, you better make me a dress that pretty whenever we get married." Lafayette sighed dreamily, fingering through the sketches. 

"No." Hercules chuckled. "I need to surprised when that day comes." 

"Stop it, you're all making me sick with this lovey-dovey stuff." Peggy sighed dramatically, flopping on the sofa next to Alex. "Even my baby Alex is dating John. I'm the only one who is still hopelessly single, and I don't see that changing anytime soon." 

"Angelica is single." John pointed out, sitting on the other side of Alex and grabbing a hold of his hand, pressing a kiss on the side of his head- and making Peggy frown even more. 

"Actually.. Angie is on a date today. So that may be changing very soon." Eliza grinned, looking up from the colors she'd picked out. 

Peggy laid her head on Alex's shoulder. "Not to bring up old overused memes, but I am truly forever alone." 

"Anyway, as I was saying.." Eliza smiled. "I've put all of you in charge of helping me plan my wedding. Hercules is obviously helping me with the dress, Lafayette is helping with Maria's dress, Angie is helping with the guest list, and you and Alex can help with the decorations." 

Alex frowned, and blushed. 'I don't know how to plan a wedding.' He signed. 

Eliza smiled and winked at him. "It's okay. You just have to tell what you think is cuter, I have everything planned out." 

"What about Peggy?" John snorted, pointing to the girl who now had her cellphone out. 

"Entertainment." Peggy drawled. 

John didn't question how quickly Eliza had thrown this together. Knowing his friend, she probably stayed up most of the night planning who would be in charge of what. It was still very impressive that she could throw this together, as she went through everything they would need. 

Eliza had gotten Alex hooked right away, when she had mentioned wanting an ocean themed reception. Alex was a huge fan of the Little Mermaid, ever since they watched it a couple months ago. John was sure that Alex considered himself Ariel, in his own head. He was learning new things everyday, and hadn't quite found his voice. 

The doorbell rang, cutting Eliza off mid-sentence. She looked behind her, towards the hallway. It was uncommon for John's friends to ring the doorbell, or knock. John had grown so accustomed to his friends just walking in, that he forgot he even had a doorbell. 

"Is it Angie?" Lafayette asked, looking around at everyone- making sure that they were all there. 

John shook his head. "No Angie wouldn't ring the doorbell. It's probably a neighbor or somebody, I'll just go see who it is." 

John got up and made his way to the hallway, his friends chattering picking back up once he left the room. 

When he opened the door, he didn't know the two that stood in front of him. The man was tall, and broad shouldered and about the same age as John's own father. He stood next to a woman; the kind of woman that reminded John of his mother, with her short stature and sweet face. She barely made it to who John presumed was her husband's shoulder. She had her curly brown hair tied in the back, and her brown eyes lit up when John opened the door. 

"Um, hello. Can I help you?" John asked, leaning against the doorway slightly. 

"Yes, we're Martha and George Washington.. And we.." She was tearing up a bit, as she looked up at her husband, who was looking back down at her.   
He had a hopeful look on his face as he turned back to John. 

 

"We believe you've found our adopted son, Alexander Hamilton."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative summaries via my notebook 
> 
> -John is straight up like 'We CAN LEAVE NEW YORK' because HE REALLY LOVES ALEX, Y'ALL  
> -Alex is sensible and is like 'wtf'   
> -Eliza is adorable and in love  
> -Peggy is adorable and bitter (me)   
> -THE WASHINGTONS COME AND THEY JUST WANT THEIR BBY OMG
> 
> This kicks off the last bit of angst in this story, which is HUGE AND MASSIVE DEAR GOD. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment~


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander is reunited with his family; we learn about Alex's past; Alex has a decision to make.. and it may just break John's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OI VEY. I know, I said I wouldn't update until Monday.. BUT GUESS WHAT!!!
> 
> I passed my nursing validation for medication and I'M SO HAPPY. So basically in nursing school we have these things where we learn this skill, right? And it's got all these steps- and we have to do it in front of one of our instructors, in 30 minutes- and there are certain things you have to remember (like 30) or you fail. If you fail you get another try and if you fail that time, you fail out of the program. These are called validations.
> 
> My nursing school has the hardest curriculum in the state but 92% of us go on to be RNs so I guess it's worth it? ANYWAY, I got a perfect! And I was so happy and relieved I wanted to write for you guys! 
> 
> AN IMPORTANT NOTE: 
> 
> In this fic, Alex's mom died when he was about 6.. and the hurricane happened when he was 8.
> 
> It fits my story better (I know the hurricane happened when Alexander was 17, and I'm kinda twisting history here- but, listen, the founding fathers didn't rap either so I think I can use some creative liberty.)

Words seemed to be stuck in John's throat, as he looked at the couple in front of him. Part of him didn't want to be believe them, out of fear that they only had bad intentions for the boy in the other room. But, his heart told him they meant well- as they held hands and looked at John with a nearly all-trusting expression. He could see how their faces were worn after years of looking for a boy they thought they'd never see again. 

John took a deep breath and nodded- the woman let out an instant sob, bringing her hand up to her mouth. "Yeah.. Alexander- Alex.. He- uh- he kinda found us." 

George smiled, and John could see the tears gathering in his eyes. "Can we see him? I know he may not remember us, but we've been looking for him for so long- can we please see him?" 

John looked behind him. He could still hear his friends cheerful voices in the other room, Peggy playfully teasing Eliza about something... Eliza whining in response. He could picture Alex perched next to Peggy, smiling at their friends. The mood was light, and he couldn't imagine how Alex would react to two people from his past, but John couldn't deny these two the one person they'd been searching so hard for. 

"Sure." John said. "Just come on in, and give me one second- I have company, but I can get them in the dining room." 

The couple nodded, and before John could react, the woman had pulled him into a nearly crushing hug. Her frame was soft, but when John wrapped his arms around her he was reminded of his mother. She smelled like what John imagined mothers should smell like.. Lavender, home. 

He led them in the hallway, out of sight from Alex and the others. John took a deep breath as he motioned for them to wait one moment. When he re-entered the living room, everyone took one look at his serious expression and stopped mid-sentence. 

"Is everything okay?" Lafayette asked. 

"Everything is fine." John nodded. "But, why don't we take the planning in the dining room for a bit.. There are some guests and I need to speak with them." 

The explanation was odd and he could see that by the looks on his friends' faces. He usually didn't have any other company, outside from his friend group. It was unusual for John not to include everyone in his conversations. But, nevertheless, everyone stood- most likely taking in John's serious expression. 

Alex went to help Eliza gather up her stuff, and John promptly cleared his throat. "Uh-Alex, it would be best if you stayed. Just you and me.. And the people who came to visit." 

Alex's eyes widened, but he allowed Lafayette to help Eliza with her stuff instead. John realized that his sentence didn't do much to calm Alex, so he quickly corrected himself. "Don't worry. I'll be right here with you- it's nothing bad." 

Alex nodded and sat down, looking nervous has he fiddled with his hands in his lap. John gave his friends one last look, as they began to file out of the room- only noticing the couple when they reached the hallway. John gave Alex a smile and then peeked his head around the corner, motioning for the couple to enter the room. 

John thought it would either be a good moment for Alex, or the worst decision he ever made- and at first he truly thought it was the last one. 

When the couple entered, Alex's eyes widened briefly- taking in the two as they did the same with him. John watched as Martha's hands went to her mouth, and George barely suppressed his tears as his shoulders hunched up. 

Alex stood, and didn't make a move at first. His mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to speak. John thought he was panicking when he didn't make a move to leave the room or sit back down. John cursed at himself for putting Alex through this stress- there was a chance he didn't even remember the two people in front of him. 

He was proven wrong, however, when Alex ran straight into Martha's arms. The woman sobbed, and John could see her knees shake as she lowered her and Alex to the ground. John felt like he was intruding on a personal moment, as Martha held on tight to Alex- whose shoulders were now shaking with silent sobs. George was careful, most likely knowing Alex's hesitance around men, as he squatted down next to his family and put a hand on Alex's shoulder. 

"Oh.. My boy." Martha whispered into Alex's hair, as she ran her fingers through his black locks- straightening out the tangles. "I'm so sorry." 

John couldn't help but smile.. This was Alex's family. 

X 

John allowed them to have a moment to themselves as he went to inform the others about what had occurred. They had been thrilled for Alex, because as far as they knew Alex didn't have any family. It was amazing to them how simply seeing the Washingtons could bring back a flood of memories for Alex. 

When John returned, they were ready to talk. John felt out of place at first, but Alex had grabbed his hand before he could leave- motioning John to sit next him. John knew that talking about the past would be overwhelming for Alex and he didn't have it in him to leave Alex, when he obviously wanted him there. 

There was a silence between the three of them, before George spoke up- his voice was raspy from holding back his tears. "Alex, do you remember anything?" 

Alex hesitated, but shook his head. 'I remember very little.. Of before.' 

John expected to have to translate for the couple in front of him, but George nodded in understanding, shocking John. "You know sign language?" 

"Yes." Martha nodded. "Alex hasn't spoken since he came to America." 

John looked at Alex and then back to George and Martha. "Came to America?" 

"I guess we should start from the beginning.." George trailed off. 

Alex looked up attentively, ready to hear about the past that he barely remembered. George was silent for a moment, most likely trying to figure out where to begin. "Alexander is from a small island in the Caribbean, Nevis.. Alex, your mother died when you were very young- do you remember that?" 

Alex nodded, and John recalled him telling the story about how his mother was sick and he had fallen ill as well. He blamed himself for his mother getting sick, even though she fell sick before he did. 

"There was a hurricane, when Alexander was eight years old." George explained. "After that, he came to America and we were blessed that he was eventually put into our care." 

Martha took over the conversation then. "You didn't speak sweetheart, only short words- but other than that you were silent. They diagnosed you with psychological retrograde amnesia, which is probably why you have trouble remembering things.. Us." 

"We adopted you into our home when you were nine, after a year of you living with us." George smiled fondly, no doubt recalling the memories from Alex's childhood. "We couldn't have children of our own... and you.. You were our son. The first child we ever fostered." 

A grin found it's way to Alex's face. John could tell it made him feel special, and loved- hearing the Washingtons talk about how much they love him. 

There was a silence, and then George swallowed. "We lived in West Virginia... and I was a senator. One day- when you were twelve- we were out, and I turned away for just a moment- and you were gone. I.. you couldn't yell for me.. And I-" 

George wiped his eyes, shaking his head. "We got a note the next day, asking for money. We paid them. We did everything we could but they didn't give you back. It was an attack on me- to get me to leave politics, I'm- I'm sorry." 

Alex frowned, looking down at his hands. 'Did you look for me?' 

"Everyday." Martha whispered. "There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't look for you. But eventually after five years, they told us to give up- that you were gone." 

John could see the tears running down Alex's cheeks, and he grabbed a hold of his hand. Although his heart ached for Alex he couldn't find it in him to fault the couple in front of him. He could tell that they had genuinely tried everything they could. 

"Alex.. You could come live with us in West Virginia." Martha said suddenly, making John's blood run cold. "You would be safe with us. Until we can find out who did this to you." 

"I have a law firm, you could work with me.. And before you know it you'll be own your own feet- and we can provide you help, so you can speak again." George explained. 

John's heart sank.. And God, he felt so selfish. This is what Alex wanted. He wanted to feel better, to get his voice back. Here was the Washingtons, his family, offering him the things that he wanted- and John wanted nothing more than to grab onto him and beg him to stay. John could do those things for him. He could help him get on his feet- he would do anything. 

Alex looked overwhelmed, as he looked between the Washingtons and John as if he was trying to make a decision. George seemed to realize this as he grabbed a hold of Martha's hand. 

"You don't have to make a decision right now, Alex." George smiled. "You take your time, it's a lot to take in. Whatever decision you make, we're glad that you're safe. We're so glad."   
Martha turned to John. "We're staying in a hotel in the city.." She reached in her jacket pocket and handed John a number. "Call us whenever Alex decides, and sweetheart- we want you to be safe." 

The three exchanged a tight hug.. Alex even hugged George, although it was hesitant. 

John didn't miss the way Alex's eyes watched them longingly as they left. 

He felt so ashamed of himself- of the way his heart sank. 

Alex wanted to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THINGS ARE HEATING UP NEXT CHAPTER.. AND WE MAY.. MEET.. THE BAD.. GUY ( i know) 
> 
> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -REUNITED AND IT FEEELSS SO GOOOOD  
> -John is a human being who is allowed to feel heartache and allowed to be selfish. I love him.   
> -MARTHA IS PURE  
> -GEORGE FEELS GUILTY  
> -THE LOVE THEIR BOY  
> -John conveniently leaves out the fact that he hit Alex with his car, because George is scary but MARTHA WOULD BE TERRIFYING


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza and John have a heart-to-heart; John realizes it's for the best if Alex leaves; Burr has a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI. BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH ANOTHER UPDATE BEFORE MONDAY. I'm going to be studying all day tomorrow and I'm going to be busy on Monday.. so SATURDAY it is. I'll try to post the next chapter on Friday maybe so you guys can get this resolved real quick because it ends on another cliff hanger- but the next chapter is going to hurt even more so *shrug emoji* 
> 
> So disclaimer: plz don't kill me. i love you guys.

John tried his best to smile when Alex turned to him, after the Washingtons had left. Alex's eyes were still wide with astonishment, and there were fresh tears running down his cheeks. John was happy for him- he was. But he couldn't miss the way Alex had to stop himself from following them out the door- and out of John's life. 

John felt like trash. He was happy for him, but remembering that he was just some stranger who had hit Alex with his car- hurt more than he would like to admit. 

Before John could say anything, Alex was in John's arms. John slowly wrapped his arms around Alex and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Alex liked him.. He liked John the same way John liked Alex. It was still such a foreign concept to John, that John still struggled to believe that it was true. 

"I'm so happy for you, Alex." John smiled. "They love you." 

Alex pulled away and nodded, he smiled through the tears. 'I thought there was no family. I remember. They took care of me.' He signed. 

They had taken care of Alex before, and they could do it again. They could get him to a therapist, help him get a job, help him protect himself- they could do all of things that John couldn't do. But, there will still that pesky voice in the back of John's head telling him that he could do that too. 

But he couldn't do that. He had been trying to convince himself that he knew everything about Alex- and that no matter what happened they could weather the storm. But the Washingtons came, and now John was aware of all the areas he was lacking in. 

"They want you to make a decision, if you want to stay.." He hated the way his voice cracked, the way his smile faltered just slightly. He wouldn't pressure Alex into staying with him, and he could already see the hurt on Alex's face when he realized that John didn't want him to go. ".. Or if you want to go to West Virginia with the Washingtons." 

Alex wrapped his arms around his middle, pursing his lips together as he looked at John. He looked conflicted and nervous, and John hated himself for being the one to make him feel that way. 'I don't have to go.. I can stay.. With you.' Alex signed. 

John let out a breath. That's what he wanted. He wanted Alex to stay with him, but he also knew that Alex's answer had everything to do with John's reaction and nothing to do with what he himself wanted. The selfish part of John wanted to take that as Alex's answer. John wanted to tell him that he wanted to stay. He wanted to pull Alex into his arms and kiss him all over his face, and that would be the end of the discussion. 

But the rational part of John knew. 

"You can't make a decision that quick, sweetheart." John smiled, although it failed to meet his eyes. "Think it through tonight, and then I can call the Washingtons when you've made your choice." 

Alex nodded, and grabbed a hold of John's hand. John led them in the dining room where the group was still arguing about whether the color scheme should be turquoise or sanguine (to which Lafayette was team turquoise and Peggy was pushing for the sanguine). 

John sat down, deciding not to chime in with his opinion that maybe sanguine was a bit too much for a wedding; the look that Peggy was giving Lafayette screamed murder, and John didn't really want to be in the middle of a fight against Lafayette and Peggy. 

"Sanguine is literally blood red, Peggy. We are planning a wedding with our two friends, not an episode of Game of Thrones." Lafayette rolled their eyes, looking at their nails with faux-nonchalance. 

"Have you see Maria soon-to-be Schuyler in blood-red.. SHE looks hot, Lafayette. We want her to look hot." Peggy argued back. 

Eliza looked up, from the table- still rubbing her temples, no doubt trying to get rid of a headache that was brewing because of her sister and best friend's argument. "Alex.. How did it go?" 

Everyone was quiet at Eliza's words.. Peggy even dropped the fork she was pointing at Lafayette, and turned towards Alex. 

Alex's cheeks turned red now that all eyes were on him, he turned to John, giving him an awkward smile- and John took that as a request to tell everyone how it went, so Alex wouldn't have to sign to everyone in the room. 

"It went well." John answered. "The Washingtons were really happy to see Alex, and he was happy to see them. There were some tears.. And.. The Washingtons offered Alex a place in West Virginia, with a job- it went well." 

Everyone seemed visibly shocked by his last words, all of them growing even more silent. Eliza smiled at Alex, and looked around at everyone else. "That's great, Alex. We're happy for you!" 

Everyone agreed in unison, although John could tell they didn't want Alex to leave either- but they didn't want to make him feel bad. The subject was promptly changed after that, back to the discussion of turquoise versus sanguine- although it lacked it's previous passion. 

X 

Hercules, Lafayette, and Peggy stayed for about two more hours- until Lafayette got a bit tired, and Peggy agreed that maybe it was time for her to go home as well. Peggy decided to have Lafayette drop her off, instead of waiting for Eliza- who wasn't quite ready to leave. 

Alex retired upstairs, leaving Eliza and John downstairs by themselves. 

It was silent between the two of them, as if there was something they both needed to say but neither of them knew how to say it. Apparently, there was something to be said because Eliza broke the silence without even looking up from her notebook. 

"You don't want him to go." She stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

John looked at her, shocked. He could deny it. He could tell her that he was fine with whatever decision Alex chose to make, because it was his life after all. Who was John to care about what he did? Who was John to try to make him stay? 

But he didn't try to lie. "How could you tell?" 

Eliza smiled, looking up at John with kind eyes. "You love him a lot, we can all tell. You seemed so sad when you were talking about him leaving today." 

John couldn't help the choked sob when he shook his head, giving Eliza a smile that looked more like a grimace. "I'm a selfish person." 

"No. You're not." Eliza said firmly. "But he needs to go, John. You and I both know this. I know you like him, and I know you think you can help him through whatever he needs- but he needs his family." 

John nodded. "What's that saying, Liza'? If you love someone let them go.. And if they come back, they love you too. Do you think..?" 

"He'll come back." Eliza nodded. "But you and I both know, John.. He's not ours to keep." 

X 

John stood outside of Alex's door. He knew that Alex wasn't asleep, because of the light shining from the other room. Not to mention, the past few days Alex had been sleeping in John's bed- he'd told John it made him feel warm, and John knew his nightmares decreased when they slept next to each other. 

John knocked before entering, trying to figure out how he was going to tell Alex it would be best if he went with the Washingtons. When he opened the door, Alex was curled up with a book in his hand- although he didn't seem to be that focused on the book. 

He smiled at John when he entered the room, shutting the door behind him. John turned around, letting out a shaky breath. Alex looked at him, a curious look on his face- and John spoke before the silence could get any more awkward. "I think it's best if you go with the Washingtons for a little while." 

Alex's face fell, and he gently set the book on the bed. He looked down at his hands, before he signed to John. 'Did I do something wrong?' 

"No.. God, no." John hurried. "But.. I know that you miss them, and that you love them. I also know they can help you in ways that I can't." 

Alex didn't respond, John took a deep breath. "Do you want to go with them, Alex?" 

He stood up from the bed, nodding. 'I'm sorry.' 

"Don't be sorry." John whispered, although his voice cracked. "Don't ever be sorry, Alex. You didn't do anything wrong." 

Alex hurried into John's arms, resting his cheek on John's shoulder. John buried his face in Alex's hair, like he'd done so many times before- taking in the smell of him, and pressing a kiss against Alex's head. 

"We'll write to each other- and it won't be forever." John whispered, more to himself than to Alex. He could feel Alex nod against his shoulder. "And then when we meet again, we'll get an apartment with a library, y'know.. Like we planned." 

Alex pulled away. 'I'll miss you.' He signed. 

John kissed his forehead. "I'll miss you too." 

John couldn't help the tears that went down his cheeks, as he pulled Alex into another hug. At this point, they were simply holding each other. John didn't want to let him go. He would miss the way he felt in his arms. He'd never held anyone the way he held Alex, and he doubted he would ever hold anyone else this way as long as he lived. 

X 

Burr had a bad feeling as soon as he pulled into his driveway. After a long day of work, he could usually expect the porch light to be on- or at least the living room light. It was uncommon for Theo's babysitter to leave the house dark. 

Aaron looked down at his phone, and sure enough it was only nine o'clock. Theo never went to bed without her father tucking her in. He figured maybe the sitter ran to the store, and took Theo with her. It wasn't unusual for that to happen, but Aaron would usually get a text telling him that they'd be back shortly- not to worry. 

Burr shook it off. She probably left a note on the coffee table.. Or maybe Theo had finally went to bed without her father coming home. She'd had some trouble falling asleep, ever since her mother died. She seemed to be scared that if she closed her eyes before her father got home, he wouldn't be alive when she opened them. Burr considered it a small victory if she'd finally overcame that insecurity after two years. 

He felt a chill in his bones when he entered the house. He couldn't explain it.. It felt as if the house had been empty all day. There were usually toys thrown about, and half-eaten plates of food on the dining room table. It was as if his eight-year-old had never inhabited the house in the first place. 

Something felt.. Off. 

"Theo?" He called out, flipping on the hallway light. 

He heard a creaking noise from down the hallway.. From Theo's room. It was the sound of the rocking chair, hitting the wooden flooring- and he felt another chill in his bones as he made his way to her room; he prayed that maybe they were both playing a trick on him- but a deeper part of him felt like that wasn't the case. 

As soon as he opened the door to his daughter's room, the light flipped on. Someone was sitting in the rocking chair but it wasn't Theo. 

"She's a little too young for a rocking chair, isn't she?" He snickered. "How old is she, Burr? Eight.. Nine years old?" 

Aaron stood up a little bit straighter, clenching his jaw and trying to appear a bit tougher than he actually felt. "What the hell are you doing in my house, Charles? I thought I said that I didn't want anything to do with you." 

Charles let out a cold laugh, turning his head to side and regarding Burr as he would a child. But, of course, to Charles, Burr was more of a child. Aaron was around the same age as Alex- who Charles still regarded as 'the boy'. 

"Little too late for that, Burr." Charles mumbled. "Remember who got you into politics? Remember who broke bones for you.. Who stole for you.. Forged shit for you. You still haven't paid for my services.. And now you're one of the youngest, most successful lawyers and who did that for you?" 

Aaron stayed silent. It was true. He had hired Charles to do all of those things for him. He'd been young when Theo was born and he needed to get money fast so he could support his family. It had been to support his family.. He'd never meant to be witness to Lee's other atrocious acts. 

"Turns out.. You're the one who let the boy go." Charles smiled up at Aaron. "So I've been a little short on income lately. And I was thinking- I was thinking maybe I would come here and break both of your fucking legs.. Maybe your arms too.. Or maybe I'd just put a knife in your spine." 

Burr's eyes widened and he took a few steps back, but Charles continued speaking. "Maybe I'd kill you, and let little Theo find your body. Let her see that her daddy went and died just like her mommy did. Make her feel all helpless. That happened to you, didn't it Burr?" 

"What the hell do you want?" Burr hissed. 

"Where's the little bitch at, Burr?" Charles asked, raising his voice. "Twelve years I've had him locked up in there. He was good because he couldn't yell.. Do you know how useful that is? I single handedly took down the Washington family, only to have you let the little bastard out." 

Burr shook his head. "I'm not telling you where he is. You can try to kill me, but my daughter and the sitter will be back soon.." 

Charles let out a laugh. It was almost sickening and it made Burr's stomach churn. He shook his head and clicked his tongue. 

"Didn't you hear?" Charles asked. "The sitter got a phone call today.. By a distant cousin. Told her that she didn't have to pick Theo up from school today." 

Burr felt his knees shake, as he put two and two together. 

"They really outta fix the schools." Charles said, acting scandalized. "Someone could just snatch a kid up." 

"You-You don't have her." Burr stammered. "You're lying." 

Charles shook his head, reaching in his pocket- and pulling out a cell phone. He hit a button and put the phone to his ear. "Hey, Sammy, mind putting little Theo on the phone.. Burr doesn't believe me." 

He pressed the speaker button and held the phone out. "Theo, why don't you go ahead and say 'hi' to daddy for me?" 

There was a pause, and then a frightened whimper. "Daddy? I'm scared.." 

Aaron's legs gave out, as he fell to his knees. He held his hands out as if he would be able to grab a hold of his daughter through the phone. 

"Please.. Don't.. Hurt her." He said slowly, holding his hands out in defeat. 

"I won't." Charles said. "At least not yet. You're going to tell me where the boy is..." 

Charles stopped, and smiled.. 

"Or Theodosia will be meeting her mommy real soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -JOHN REALLY WANTS ALEX TO STAY  
> -ALEX WANTS HIS FAMILY  
> -ALEX WOULD REALLY BE SAFER WITH THE WASHINGTONS YO  
> -Eliza is like "HE'S NOT OURS TO KEEP"  
> -keeping up with Aaron Burr  
> -WE FIND OUT WHO THE BAD GUY IS  
> -I die because my audience is literally going to brutally murder my ass 
> 
> Before you kill me, consider (the coconut.. jk) reading this chapter with 'Light' by Sleeping at last. The title is based off of a line in that song "the world is brighter than the sun now that you're here.." and there's a line in there that's like "I will always hold you tight but I will learn to let you go' and it broke my ass. 
> 
> The next chapters we have a one-way ticket to painville. So sorry.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of stuff goes down.. no words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo boy- you guys are going to hate me. I wanted to get this out because I have a busy rest of the week. You'll get another update on Saturday but these chapters are a bit hard and they're a bit hard for me to write.
> 
> Plz don't kill me. It's my birthday month and I got so much to live for. 
> 
> Also.. can u believe Lin-Manuel was robbed at the oscars? Smfh.

"So.." Peggy started, leaning against the door. Alex looked up at Peggy expectantly, from where he was neatly trying to pack away his books. "I bought you something." 

Alex frowned, and Peggy knew him all too well. He didn't like the idea of anyone buying him anything when he couldn't afford to pay them back. Peggy rolled her eyes playfully, smiling at him as she pulled a DVD of 'The Little Mermaid' from behind her back. 

"I know how much you love this movie- even though I, of course, think that it's not as good as Mulan." Peggy chuckled. "But I know how much you love this." 

Alex smiled and gently took the DVD from her hands, and signed a quick thank you. Peggy took a deep breath, and pulled something out of her pocket. John had given it to her before he'd left that morning- telling her that he didn't have the heart to give it to Alex. 

"John wrote you this letter." Peggy sighed, pressing it into the palm of his hand. "He didn't want to wait until the Washingtons came and got you tomorrow, so he wanted me to give it to you. I'm sure it's just a cute letter, our John can be kinda cheesy when he wants to be." 

Alex nodded and sighed, looking down at the letter before he eased it in the pocket of his sweatshirt. Peggy could tell that something was bothering him by the way his shoulders slumped slightly, and he fidgeted with his hands. It wasn't hard to be able to decipher Alex's emotions by his non-verbal language.. Especially when you spent as much time with him as Peggy did. 

"What's wrong?" Peggy asked, placing a hand on Alex's back. 

'Am I a terrible person?' He signed. 'Hurting everyone.' 

"No.. No, absolutely not." Peggy smiled. "We're going to miss you a lot. John more than anyone, because.. I don't know if you've noticed this but the boy his hand over heels for you. He used to be just a little weird, but normal for the most part- now he's really weird, and love sick to top it all off." 

Much to Peggy's delight, she managed to get a small smile out of Alex. She ran a hand through his hair and continued. "And.. You have to do this for yourself. That's your family. They're going to help you get a job and you'll be able to do all the things you want- as Alexander Hamilton." 

Alex scrunched his nose. 'Just Alex' he signed. 

"Yeah, Alexander Hamilton is a bit of a mouthful." Peggy agreed. "Not to mention, you're pretty small- so I don't think you're intimidating enough for a name like Alexander." 

Alex stuck his tongue out at Peggy, pushing against her shoulder gently. He turned back to his box of books, and Peggy could tell he was trying to sort them perfectly so they didn't become bent during the ride to West Virginia. 

"Are you sure they have enough room for all of your books?" Peggy smiled, helping him fit one of the books into another box. Even that one was becoming full, and Peggy doubted they had enough boxes downstairs to fit all of his books. "And isn't Mr. Washington like a politician or something, he probably has dozens of these books." 

'You're making it too complicated.' Alex frowned. 

Peggy chuckled, and nudged Alex with her elbow. "Why don't you go downstairs and get another box? I think we're going to be pushing it if we try to get all of these books in here- and you're one of those weirdos that get super picky about their books getting bent." 

Alex paused, thinking whether or not he wanted to make a trip downstairs- before he nodded in agreement, and hurried out of the room. 

Peggy looked around the room. It was already starting to look empty. She and Alex had spent hours up in his room, while John was at work. She was so used to it being occupied that her heart hurt at the idea that he would soon be leaving. 

She couldn't help but let out a shaky breath, and worry about Alex. What if the Washingtons didn't remember that he was scared of storms? He didn't like to be alone when it stormed. He had to have someone with him to tell him that it wasn't real- that he wasn't on the island anymore. 

What if the Washingtons seemed nice at first glance but they were mean? What if they tried to hurt Alex? Peggy knew this was ridiculous, and she trusted that Alex remembered them and loved them... But she would miss Alex so much. He'd become like a brother to her. 

Peggy was pulled out of her thoughts by a crashing sound downstairs, it made her jump slightly- but she was quickly on her feet, worried that Alex had dropped something or gotten hurt. 

"Alex?" She called, making her way down the stairs. "You okay, dude. You're super clumsy so I hope you didn't break anything, I don't know how I'd explain that to John." 

When she got downstairs, she didn't see Alex in the hallway. The stack of boxes remained untouched, and Peggy frowned as she peeked into the living room.   
She paused at the doorway, her breath getting caught in her throat at the site before her.. 

A man that she didn't recognize had his arm wrapped around Alex's neck in what look like a crushing chokehold. She could tell that Alex was panicking, as he attempted to claw at the man's arms, barely able to get small breaths out. 

The worst part, was the gun the man had pressed to Alex's head. He pressed harder on it, and Alex let out a strangled whimper, which was the loudest noise Peggy had ever heard him make. 

She finally found her voice, but it came out shaky. "T-There's money upstairs. I have money in my purse. Take anything you want." 

John wouldn't be mad, she reminded herself. He wouldn't be mad if she did everything she could to protect herself and Alex. He would rather them take all the money he owned than to hurt her and Alex. She knew John. He was selfless. 

The man laughed, and turned his head to the side. He looked at Peggy like her mother might look at her when she was a child. As if she'd something incredibly silly- something only a child would say.. Only it lacked the usual kindness she would see in either one of her parent's eyes. 

Peggy felt trapped. 

"You're cute." The man mumbled, and she could see his eyes moving down her body and she took a couple steps back- stopping when she backed into a hard surface. She turned, only to see it was another man. "But we want this one." 

He pointed at Alex- and Peggy was going to fight. She was going to grab something and throw it at him, or kick the man behind her.   
But before she could do anything, the man grabbed her by the back of her hair- and slammed her head against the doorway. 

She remembered hearing a strangled scream as she hit the ground, blood already starting to trickle down her forehead. She couldn't keep her vision straight, and everything sounded muffled. She let out a shaky breath... promising herself that she would get back up and save Alex. 

But her head hurt so badly. 

Everything went black. 

X 

John didn't necessarily feel like anything was off as he trudged to his door after a long shift. The porch light wasn't on, which was different, but he figured it was due to Alex and Peggy going to bed early. Alex had a long day ahead of him, and everyone was feeling a bit down. 

When he walked in, however, he could tell something was different. He could usually hear the T.V from the other room, Peggy and Alex watching a movie- and most of the time they'd already fallen asleep next to each other. 

If that wasn't the case, he could usually count on Alex's light being on from upstairs. 

He shook it off however, because things were changing so he went ahead and tried to convince himself that's why everything seemed off. 

He flipped on the hallway light, without sparing a glance ahead of him. He slipped off his jacket, and put it on the coat hanger- slipping off his shoes and sighing when he was finally able to feel his toes once more. 

He made his way towards the living room, not bothering to look down. 

He nearly tripped over her. 

John grabbed a hold of the doorway before he could fall. His eyes widened as he looked down, and he couldn't help the shocked yell that he let out. Peggy was sprawled on the ground, eyes closed, and dry blood already crusting at the top of her hairline. 

"Peggy.. Oh.. No." He whispered as he fell to his knees. 

He pressed his hands to her shoulders, shaking her gently. She opened her eyes, blinking heavily and he let out a sob of relief when she met his eyes. Her face was blank, and she looked like she was recalling something. John didn't even think to ask her who had done this to her, as he fumbled to take his phone out of his scrub pocket- 

To call for help. 

Peggy seemed to jump into action then, grabbing a hold of his arm with a cry. His phone scattered to the floor, and Peggy shook her head. He couldn't understand what she was saying through her sobs, but he tried to shush her gently. 

"A-All.. My fault." She gasped. 

John shook his head. "Peggy I'm going to call for help, okay?" 

"They got him." She sobbed, pressing a hand against her eyes. 

"Peggy.. Who? What are you talking about." 

Peggy sobbed, and grew silent and John felt his blood run cold. He had been so preoccupied with her that he didn't even think about where Alex was. He went to shake Peggy again, thinking she'd fallen back to sleep. 

But she moved her arm, looking up at him with tearful eyes. 

"They took Alex." She whispered. "They have him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY IT'S ALL GONE TO SHIT
> 
>  
> 
> Plz leave me a comment :) 
> 
> (P.S. I felt so bad doing this to Peggy because I love her and she's a lot like me in this story)   
> (Also I'm a lot like Nina from ITH, because I too have a deep fear of disappointing everyone who loves me and hate it when people tell me they're proud of me)


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and the others try to cope with Alex being gone, and how to get him back; Alex is wishing he was with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said I was going to update on Saturday? Well I hurt my hip while jogging and I had to go to the hospital. I tore up a muscle in my leg (it wasn't my hip) and I'm on pain meds and muscle relaxers and I was dead to the world on Saturday. 
> 
> But here you go! A day late :/
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING: Psychological torment, depictions of sickness, physical abuse, slight fat-shaming, reference to forced prostitution.. Charles Lee just being an all together fucked-up dick.

To say there was a feeling of defeat in the air, would be an understatement. Everyone was at a loss for what to do. Even Angelica, who was usually so confident in leading others- had her face in her hands, tapping her foot anxiously. 

It had been nearly five hours since Alex had gone missing.. And in those five hours there had been at least two arguments. 

The first one had been whether or not they should get the authorities involved right away. Lafayette, Hercules, Maria, and Eliza had said yes. John, Peggy, and Angelica had adamantly said they tried to look for him themselves first. In the end, they had realized that it was smarter to call the police and that's what they'd done. 

It had done nothing.   
A police officer had arrived nearly an hour later, looking bored and exhausted. He had taken one look at the barely put-together group, and straightened his spine- trying his best to look comforting when most of them had tears streaming down their faces. 

He had listened to their story while humming, and nodding- writing down things in his notebook. John thought that he was a bit too nonchalant about the whole thing. There should be more police cars, the FBI.. Where were the search parties? Why did he feel like they were the only ones who genuinely cared for Alex in this situation. 

Lafayette had seemed to notice his anxiety, and placed a hand on his knee- in order to stop him from jumping over the table and strangling the bored-looking police officer. The last thing they needed was for John to be arrested. 

"Okay." The officer had said finally, closing his notebook. "We'll get someone out to look." 

"That's fucking it?" John sputtered, sitting up in his seat. Lafayette's hand left John's knee in shock, presumably giving him permission to go off on the officer who was sitting in front of him. "My-My.. My boyfriend was kidnapped from my fucking house, and you're going to see what the hell you can do?" 

The word 'boyfriend' felt foreign on John's mouth. He and Alex had been struggling on what to call it, and John hated himself- despised himself- for not being able to say that in front of Alex. But he didn't have time to dwell too much on it as the officer narrowed his eyes at him. 

"Son, all we can do for now is look." The officer said, although he looked genuinely sympathetic. "We'll file a missing persons report and start searching around the area." 

John wanted to protest, but Lafayette's hand was on his shoulder before he could scream until his face was red. Hercules thanked the officer and no one else said a thing as the officer left the house. 

It grew silent after that. 

The second argument had been about whether or not they should call the Washingtons. Everyone went back and forth on that, but in the end they decided it that it was for the best that they called them. John had handed the phone to Eliza, who had been pressing a wash cloth against Peggy's head- Peggy had barely spoken a word during the whole ordeal, which was unnerving. 

They could hear Eliza's soft voice from the hallway as she talked to George. She was the one who could do the task best- because John knew that he could not. 

His mind kept thinking of the worst possible scenario. 

Peggy let out a shaky breath, pulling John from his thoughts. "This is all my fault. I should have done more.. I should have.." She sobbed. 

Lafayette grabbed a hold of her hand, while Angelica stroked the curls out of her face. "Ma petite belle, it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done. There was two of them, and only one of you. You did your best." 

John nodded, giving Peggy a smile despite his tears. "We're lucky your okay, Peggy. I was so scared when I saw you lying there." 

"I-I'm going to feel guilty until we find him." Peggy whimpered. "..And if something happens to him, I'm going to feel guilty for the rest of my life." 

No one said anything, Angelica just reminded Peggy that it wasn't her fault- but there was nothing they could really say to her, to stop her from feeling guilty. They all felt guilty in some way, even though it wasn’t their fault. 

John should have been more careful. He should have got them away from New York when he had the chance.. He should have taken Alex somewhere where they would never be able to find him. But most of all he felt guilty, because he was unable to get to Alex. 

Eliza came in a few moments later, and her eyes were wet with tears. She gave everyone an uneasy smile, and took a deep breath before speaking. "I told them what happened and reassured them that we've called the police, and they're looking for him.. They're going to get a hold of some people to look for him too." 

John nodded, looking down at his hands. "They just got him back." 

Before he could continue, there was a steady knock at the door. John hurried to his feet. "Hopefully that's another police officer, or the FBI." 

He walked to the door and opened it, and it wasn't the FBI but Aaron Burr standing right in front of him. John felt at a loss for words as he regarded the shorter man standing at his door. Deep in his body, he knew that Burr had something to do with this. How else would they know where to find Alex.. 

Aaron seemed to notice this as well, as he took a couple steps back- putting his hands up in surrender. John scowled at him. "What the fuck do you want, Burr?" 

"I know where Alex is.." Burr said suddenly. "I can tell you where he is." 

X 

Alex didn't want to open his eyes. Somewhere deep in his mind, he could hear what he believed to be his mother's voice- something from the past.. Something he thought he'd forgotten long ago. He could feel her fingers in his hair, a whisper against his cheek.. "it's okay, mijo. Just close your eyes. It will all be over soon." 

When she said that to him, they'd both been sick. He didn’t want to open his eyes, didn't want to see her sunken brown eyes- identical to his own- staring back at him. He didn't want to see the way her hand shook, they way she smelled of both of their vomit. No one would help them. No one on the island would help the 'whore' who had sold herself just to keep her and Alex alive. 

He'd been a coward then, and he was a coward now as he refused to open his eyes. He refused to see the concrete basement they were keeping him trapped in.. 

He'd been here for so long- the smell was burned into his mind. He had forgotten his mother, but he would never forget this basement. 

He would never forget Peggy.. Or Eliza.. Lafayette.. Hercules.. Maria.. Angelica.. 

Or John. His sweet, sweet, John. 

He felt a hand against his throat, and he couldn't breath again as the hand pressed down against his windpipe.. Making his lungs burn. It reminded him of being underwater, reminded him of drowning- of the hurricane. 

"Open your eyes, you little bitch- or I'll rip your throat out." The voice chuckled, and Alex opened his eyes on instinct.. And the hand was gone. "There you are. I've missed those eyes, they're so big.. Like a deer in headlights. Makes it almost hard to hurt you.. Almost." 

Alex turned his head, trying not to make eye contact with the man in front of him. But as soon as he turned his head, he was rewarded with a swift kick in the ribs- taking his breath away, as he opened his mouth to gasp.. Curling in on himself. 

"C'mon, Alexander.. You know the rules." Charles reprimanded, as if Alex was a child. "You keep your eyes on me.. good boy. They spoiled you too much.. Fed you too much. Made you a little too chubby, if you ask me. Don't worry, we'll fix that. Wouldn't want you to look too undesirable, sweetheart. You have to make me money." 

Alex mustered what could be a glare, but it was lacking the fierceness he'd tried to put in it. It seemed to do the job however, because Charles was on top of him in a minute- turning Alex's face towards him, despite Alex's attempts to resist. 

Charles reached into his pockets, and there was a knife by his mouth- forcing him to give in. The knife was against his lips, and he let out a small whine. Charles merely laughed and shook his head. "You know.. It surprises me that you still don't talk, why don't you say a few words for me, you stupid thing." 

Alex opened his mouth, willing himself to say anything.. Something. But it was as if someone's hand was on his throat once more.. Because nothing came out. 

"You must have some good things about you because.." Charles was off of him in a second, walking across the room, and reaching into what Alex recognized as his hoodie. He felt his blood run cold when Charles grabbed a hold of John's letter. "You seemed to gather the affections of one John Laurens." 

Alex's eyes widened, and he reached his arms out, despite them being tied together. He reached out in a silent plea. That was his letter. That was the letter John wrote for him. 

"Oh, and he really loves you Alex." He opened up the letter, and cleared his throat- smiling at Alex before continuing. "My dearest Alex- well isn't that just cheesy as fuck- I never thought that I would fall in love with you, but it happened.. Without me even knowing it- aww, he loves you- I know that you'll be safe with Washington's and I can't wait to see you again one day. Love, John Laurens." 

Alex couldn't help the tears that fell down his face, as Charles ripped the letter in two- letting the pieces fall just out of Alex's reach. He couldn't stop the way he mouthed John's name, as if the name would allow him to be with John. 

"I, of course, paraphrased it. There was a lot of cheesy shit written in the letter, didn't feel like throwing up.. But you know what? I've met Henry Laurens' son before.. Mhmm.. He's a cutie. In fact, I wouldn't be opposed to him coming here to keep you company." Charles smiled, eyes widening with unmatched glee. 

Alex shook his head frantically, tears gathering in his eyes once more. Not John. Anyone but John. He couldn't bear to see John hurt.. To see John degraded to what Alex had become. 

"We couldn't keep him alive of course.. Got to find a way to keep you in line." Charles explained, and Alex would have screamed if he could. "What do you think Aaron.. Think we could get John here for little Lexi?" 

It was the first time Alex had noticed Aaron's presence as he was witnessing Alex's torment from the shadows. He seemed hesitant as he looked down at Alex in horror and then back at Charles. "I-I.. Charles.. Can't you have Samuel?" 

"Do you want your fucking daughter or NOT, Burr." Charles hissed. "I can call up my guys and have her killed in a second. So what do you think? Can we get John here or not?" 

"How..?" Aaron whispered, his voice breaking. 

"I don't know.. Tell him you know where Alex is. Just get him here, Burr.. Before I change my goddamn mind and decide your not worth it." Charles snapped.   
Aaron spared one last look at Alex, who was closing his eyes again... And left the basement. 

Charles turned back to Alex, forcing him to open his eyes as he smiled down at him. "You're getting a visitor, Alexander.. Can you believe it? I think we'll have a great time." 

Alex glared at him, and before he could think about his actions- he spit in Charles' face. It was unlike him, and it took Charles off guard as he fell backwards off Alex. 

Alex knew he was in for a punishment, and he closed his eyes and before he knew it- Charles' fist was connecting with his face, slamming his head against the concrete. He closed his eyes, preparing for more, but Charles was off of him. 

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with worse. The syringe in Charles' hand was not unfamiliar, And Alex attempted to back up despite his blurry vision. 

"I didn't want to do this to you, I really didn't." Charles chuckled, as he sat down on Alex's knees. Alex couldn't fight him off as he felt the familiar prick in his neck. 

Before he drifted off, he could head Charles' voice. "Don't worry, baby. When you wake up John will be here." 

One thing was clear to Alex.. He was going to die here. He was going to fight like hell, and he was going to die.. 

He would not be trapped here anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -John loves Alex, he DOES  
> -CHARLES LEE IS A DEMON AND I WANT TO KILL HIM  
> -Aaron wants none of this shit  
> -Peggy is an angel and blames herself  
> -Leggy friendship, because they actually get along in this chapter  
> -Alex suffers and it's gonna be really hard to write
> 
> Plz leave me a comment~ See you next week!


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John doesn't think before he acts.. things go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Let me just say.. I'm sorry (you'll see). I know a lot of you didn't want John to fall into the trap, but he did. I thought it was in character for the personality I gave John in this story. He's a lot like me.. where he's a great nurse but when someone he loves is in danger he'll do anything. 
> 
> Also please be kind even if this isn't what you wanted. I've had the worst week. I failed something I thought I passed, I got a bad score on something, I was sent home from clinical for being sick and I almost didn't feel like writing this but I love writing it and you guys really enjoy it (and I enjoy reading your comments) 
> 
> There are only a few more chapters, and then I'll start post drabbles of this series.

John stood in front of the closed door in shock, looking down at the piece of paper Burr had handed him. He'd sloppily written down the address of a road that John didn't even recognize, and pressed it into John's open hand. 

Burr's words echoed through his brain minutes after had left. He hadn't said much- hadn't admitted that he had something to do with Alex being gone in the first place; he hadn't even apologized for any role he had in his kidnapping.. He had simply just guaranteed that he knew where Alex was. 

He'd also left John with a warning: "Don't call the police. If they see any sign of the police they will kill him, do you understand?" He had paused after John nodded quickly. "You need to hurry. He doesn't have much time. They're either going to take him away, and you'll never find him.. or kill him." 

The words had sent a chill through John's spine, and he felt numb as he nodded. Burr hadn't said another word to him, just gulped and sighed. He looked guilty but John didn't look too much into it. He was made speechless, at the mercy of Aaron. 

He'd had so many words for the man when he arrived, now he couldn't even think of anything as he shut the door; his mouth had already went dry.   
Alex didn't have much time. They were going to kill him.. Or take him somewhere far away and John would never see Alex again. He would be helpless. No one would know about him. No one would save him. 

John jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned quickly, to see Angelica staring at him with concern. "Everything okay, John?" 

John looked down at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand and then handed it over to Angelica. He hated noticed the rest of the group gathered around as well, looking over Angelica's shoulder. Angelica cocked her head to side. 

"What is this?" Angelica asked. 

John took a deep breath, trying to finally speak despite his insanely dry mouth. He swallowed and tried again. "Burr was here.. He said he knows where Alex is.. He gave me this address and he said that Alex- he said he doesn't have a lot of time." 

"We can call the cops again.. Have them go to the address." Hercules spoke up. 

"No!" John said quickly, making the taller man jump. He hadn't meant to be so abrupt, but a million images of Alex dead or lost forever flashed through his head. "We-we can't do that. Aaron said that they were watching for the police, and if there's any sign of them.. They'll kill him." 

Eliza frowned, furrowing her eyebrows together. "John. They are trained in this kind of thing, they could help him.. Get him back." 

"We would be risking Alex's life." John said, his voice cracking despite his attempts at keeping it steady- he couldn't help the tears of aggravation that gathered in his eyes. "If we call the police, then we risk his life." 

"This could be a trick, John." Lafayette frowned. "We can't trust Burr. He's always been so easy to manipulate, how do we know this isn't the case?" 

"But Alex.. Alex is so close, you guys." John cried, desperation seeping through his voice. His friends regarded him with sympathy, he rarely cried. But he was so desperate. He knew that he was quite literally blinded with his love for Alex but.. "Please." 

He couldn't just leave him. 

"Let's talk about what we're going to do." Angelica said softly, taking over like the leader she always was. 

John wanted to remind them that Alex didn't have time, but he allowed himself to be pulled back in the dining room. He couldn't hear what they were saying as he sat down, the blood roaring in his ears. Everything sounded muffled, and all John could hear was his own heartbeat. 

His mind went back to the nightmare he'd had of Alex- the first night he shared a bed with him. The image of Alex dead on the floor, invaded his mind. He clenched his fist, not listening as Eliza put in the address on her phone. 

The dream had felt so real. It had shaken John to his very core. Now, there was a possibility that it could come true. He could lose Alex. 

Alex could die- he could be taken away.. Thinking that John didn't even try to fight for him. He couldn't yell. He couldn't tell anyone that he was in danger. 

"I need-I need to.." John said suddenly, standing up. His palms were shaking as he tried to find to make up an excuse. He couldn't be in the room right now. "I'm going to be sick." 

Peggy went to stand, but Angelica put a hand on her shoulder. They realized that John needed to be alone. They were so good to him- better than he deserved. As he made his way out of the room, and down the hallway.. He realized he was betraying their trust. 

He realized they shouldn't have trusted him in the first place. 

John grabbed his jacket, slipping it on, and feeling for his keys in his pocket. He could hear his friends' voices from down the hall, mumbling among themselves about what they should do- oblivious to the fact that John was standing in front of the backdoor. 

He admittedly, wasn't thinking as he slowly eased out of the backdoor- being careful to close the door quietly behind him. The cool air hit his face, making him aware of the tears that were still streaming. 

He walked around the house, hands shaking as he unlocked his car door- getting in, and starting the car. He could already see the front door get thrown open, as he pulled out of the driveway quickly. But he couldn't find it in him to care. 

He would get Alex back. 

X 

Somewhere during the ride, John had realized that he didn't really know where he was going. It was then that he pulled over to the side of the road- the same spot where he'd hit Alex with his car months before. He took out his phone with shaky hands, and pulled up the map on his phone- putting in the address. 

It was close to where he lived- and this filled him with a sense of dread. Alex's captors had been too close for comfort this entire time. 

John tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was aware that this very well could be a trap- he would have to be careful not to get caught. He knew he could fight if it came down to it, but he couldn't fight too many people at once. 

"Stupid." He mumbled to himself. He felt like a fool but he couldn't just leave Alex there. He was in danger.. They would hurt him again. 

He barely even noticed when it started raining- until he could no longer see out his out his windshield. John could hear thunder and his heart briefly stopped. Alex was afraid of storms. Alex was alone, and he was afraid of thunder. 

John wasn't religious by any means. He grew up in a conservative evangelical home.. And he could never get past what his family had taught him about religion- about the way God viewed people like him. It just put a bad taste in his mouth. That being said, he couldn't help but let out a silent prayer as he pulled off on the side of the road- and stopped his car. 

He knew that wherever Alex was.. It was up ahead. The area had a metal gate surrounding it. It was once a trail, on private property, this much was obvious. If John tried to drive his car on the blocked-off gravel road, he risked someone hearing him.. And Alex could be in trouble. 

John sat in the car, trying to gather his wits. He didn't have anything to defend himself with. He hadn't thought to grab anything. All he had was his fists. John had been in a fight before, and he had no doubts that he could defend himself- but how many people.. He wasn't sure. 

He tried to think about what he would do as he left his car, climbing over the metal gate- and making his way down the gravel trail. His first instinct would be to find Alex, and let him go.. Whatever was waiting for him afterwards- he could deal with that after Alex was safe. 

He stopped when he saw a small cabin in front of him. There were no cars in the front, and John foolishly hoped that it meant no one was there. If that was the case, he could get Alex and leave without much of a fuss. He slowly walked towards the back- figuring it would be better to go in that way instead of trying to go through the front door. 

He pressed himself against the wall, peeking his head around back to make sure that no one was there. When he didn't see anyone, he continued to the back. 

Much to his surprise, he realized that the door was slightly ajar when he finally reached the back of the house. He approached the door slowly, making sure to watch his step when he saw what he believed to be shards of a broken beer bottle. 

He was about to grab the doorknob when he heard a voice. "No.." The voice chuckled. "He's been out of it for a couple hours now.. Haven't heard any thrashing from the basement. Tell Charles I think he gave the kid too much." 

John's eyes widened, as he covered his mouth to keep from gasping. What did they give Alex? John could feel his heart speeding up in his chest as his mind automatically thought of the worst case scenario. The name 'Charles' was now etched into his brain and he knew he had to beat the shit out of the man before he left the house- as long as it didn't get in the way of helping Alex. 

He heard footsteps as the man walked away from the door. John took this opportunity to ease into the house, not bothering to close the door behind him so the noise didn't alarm the man. 

He walked slowly down the hallway, trying to calm his heart rate. The irrational part of him wondered if the man could hear it because it seemed to be beating so loudly. John slowly peeked around the corner to see the man standing by the front door- turned away from John. 

There were glass bottles every where and John grabbed a bottle from the floor- careful not to make any noise. 

He approached the man slowly.. His hands shaking as he tried to think about what he was going to do. The man turned then, and before he had time to react to John- he shattered the glass bottle over the man's head- he grabbed a hold of his head and slammed it against the wall for good measure. 

He was out cold. He could see a series of keys attached to the man's belt, he reached down to get them. He knew that they would most likely come in handy. 

John hissed as he realized the large cut now on his hand, slowly leaking out blood. He turned around, now noticing the dark brown door behind him. He figured this was the one that led to the basement- the place where the man said Alex was. 

He opened the door, and sure enough- there was a staircase going down to what John assumed was the dark basement. 

He walked down the stairs slowly, wincing every time one of the stairs creaked too loudly. When he got to the bottom step he couldn't help but gasp. 

Alex was there, unconscious. He looked relaxed, but his mouth was closed, his body slack.. It was nothing like how Alex usually slept. John hurried to his side, his fingers automatically going to Alex's neck. He could feel his steady pulse beneath his fingers, but it was slow.. Languid. Whatever they'd given Alex had sedated him heavily. 

He didn't have time to fuss over Alex's face- not when he heard footsteps behind him. When he turned around, he was met face to face with a man- he couldn't be much older than John. Before he could react, there was a rag placed against his face. 

John struggled, he kicked.. Getting the man in shin. The man simply pressed onto John's mouth harder. He couldn't breath as he continued to flail. 

He took a deep breath, not wanting to suffocate. 

His vision went dark, but he could hear the man's words as he retreated. 

"Charles.. It's Sammy." He said sweetly. "We have Henry Laurens' son." 

X 

Henry Laurens' son. The word was repeated in his mind, over and over. They hadn't even called him by his name. They hadn't called him John Laurens' or even 'son of a bitch' like most of the other people who hated him. They'd simply called him Henry Laurens' son. 

He was aware that he'd been unconscious when he finally came around. 

He groaned as he pressed a hand against his forehead. He felt like he was hungover- and he knew it was because of the rag that was placed against his face. He looked up at the lone window that was in the basement- he could see the evening light shining through the window. 

He couldn't help but cover his eyes with his hand. He'd been foolish, and now he was going to pay the price. As he shifted his leg, he was reminded of the keys he'd grabbed from the man. He could feel that his ankle had been cuffed, and he knew Alex was the same. 

He turned to the boy in question, seeing now that Alex was responding slightly. He could see his eyes move beneath his eyelids, as he tried to open and close his mouth. John crawled towards him, reaching out to run a hand down his cheek. 

He might pay the price, but he could get Alex out of here. 

"Alex.. Baby." He whispered, he smiled when Alex opened his eyes slowly- eyes widening when he saw John's face. Much to John's distress, his eyes promptly filled with tears as he shook his head. "Alex, it's okay.. I'm going to get you out of here." 

Alex shook his head, slowly lifting his hands up. 'What about you?' 

"Don't worry about me." John chuckled, reaching down for the keys- trying to match them against the chain on Alex's ankle. "Don't ever worry about me, okay? I can fight. Let's just get you out of here." 

John finally let out a sigh of relief when he found the key to unlock Alex from the chain. He could hear the click as the chain came undone. 

Alex shook his head. 'Not leaving without John.' 

John's eyes widened as Alex laid his head back down on the concrete- it was unlike him to speak as if John wasn't there. John could see that his eyes were once again threatening to close, and John quickly shook him awake. 

"Alex, baby, you gotta stay awake- okay?" John whispered his voice cracking. "We have to get you out of here." 

'So tired.' Alex signed. 

John was at a loss about what to do as he looked around. He finally spotted the needle just inches away from Alex. He reached over and grabbed a hold of the needle. It was a simple insulin needle of about 50 units. They'd most likely administered the injection to his neck to get it to work quickly. 

Before he could try to rouse Alex again, he heard a loud chuckle from up the stairs. He turned away from Alex, trying to guard him from whoever was coming down the stairs.   
He narrowed his eyes when he saw who he assumed was Charles, and Aaron Burr walking down. Charles.. The same man that he'd seen in the hospital not that long ago, regarded him with an almost cheesy grin- While Burr looked at him with a look of regret. 

"John Laurens." Charles smiled. "Welcome. I'm glad that Aaron could get you here so quickly. The man's a politician, you know? They have a way of getting people to do what they want. You know this of course.. With your papa being one." 

"Burn in hell." John snapped, glaring at Burr. Much to his surprise, Aaron didn't react- just simply looked down at his feet. 

"Hey now.. Be easy on him." Charles smiled. "He didn't have much of a choice, poor thing.. You see we have his daughter. Little Theo is doing well- I believe last time I called to check on her she was playing a rousing game of chutes and ladders when the guys.. But that can change in a minute as you know." 

John's glare was wiped off his face. So they were using Theodosia against Aaron. John wanted to ask him what the hell he'd got himself into, but Charles continued on. "He's going to get to see Theo soon, but he's got to do one more thing for me." 

Charles approached Alex and John, and John made sure to scoot over so he couldn't see that Alex was no longer chained. 

Charles tsked. "You'd think I killed the poor thing. He could never take much, you know. Give him a little bit and was out for hours. It was good in the beginning, because he loved to fight- would bite a man's dick if he got it too close to his mouth." 

"Fuck you! You piece of shit." John spit. 

Charles cocked his head to side, looking over at Aaron. Before John could react, Charles punched him in the face. He could feel his nose crack as he fell back on Alex. He let out a groan as his hand made it's way to his bloody nose. He was sure he'd broken it. 

"I don't like you, kid." Charles smiled. "Alexander? After more than a decade of being here, he's like putty in my hands- because we got him when he was young. You? You're a stubborn little shit. Which brings me.. To Aaron's next task." 

John felt his breathing increase as Charles took his gun out of the holster and handed it over to a wide eyed Burr. The other man shook his head as he held the gun in his hands. 

"Charles.." 

"You're going to do it Aaron, or Theo will die." Charles hissed. "You know I will kill her. You've seen what I've done with Alex, so don't think I'm against hurting children." 

Aaron turned to John, and John suddenly forgot how to breathe. Aaron turned back to Charles, who threatened to reach down to his cell phone and make the phone call that would end Theodosia's life. John couldn't breath, as he backed up closer to Alex. 

"Alexander, sweetheart, you're going to want to be awake for this." Charles laughed. 

John could hear Alex whimper from behind him, and he could feel Alex move closer to John- his hand grabbing a hold of his. 

John said a silent prayer for the second time that day. He would do anything. He would think before he did things. He would indulge Peggy's jokes. He would be kinder when Lafayette did things he found a bit too outlandish. He would even call his mother if that's what it took. 

"Do it, Aaron." Charles snapped. "Do it now." 

Aaron sniffed, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry." 

The gun went off, the noise was deafening as it bounced off the concrete walls. John had never been shot before.. Never in his wildest nightmares. But he was sure it didn't feel like this.. Because he didn't feel anything at all. 

He fell to his back, head hitting the concrete- and he was vaguely aware of Burr yelling "WAIT!" In the background when the gun went off. It confused John to no end. Because.. Why would Burr say that? Wasn't the whole point to shoot John? 

He didn't feel anything.. No pain. He always thought there would be an exploding pain. He thought that he would be gasping to draw in a breath. 

But there was no pain.. There was no pain because he wasn't shot.. 

He wasn't shot because.. 

Alex was on top of him. He couldn't breathe now when he realized that Alex was on top of him. Alex was bleeding. He could feel Alex's blood seeping through his own shirt. Somewhere after Aaron firing, Alex had gathered his wits and pushed John out of the way- throwing himself on top of him. 

John couldn't help but sob as he held on tighter Alex's trembling body. 

Alex had been shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -The climax of the 'great googly moogly it's all gone to shit'   
> -John loves Alex  
> -Alex gets shot protecting John  
> -I can already feel your pitch forks
> 
> Plz leave me a comment~


	21. Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John struggles with the words he wants to say; Alex struggles to stay alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on spring break so you get your weekly chapter early! I may post the next chapter sometime this week but I feel a little sad doing that because it's the last chapter.. not including the epilogue. Technically this story is going to have twenty-three chapters because I have an epilogue planned. 
> 
> Want to see more of moi? Never fear.. I have one-shots planned. What kinda one-shots? I have a one-shot not connecting to this story planned.. canon time period.. Hamliza with a mention of Lams and Phillip sadness. 
> 
> I also have like a fafillion one-shots for this fic planned.. and a mini series of about 9 chapters but that's coming wayy later. 
> 
> Also I'm trying to plan another series. I'm stuck between.. A zombie Lams fic (yes, a zombie apocalypse AU).. or another fic with Alex whump (sorry I love Alex whump). IDK yet. 
> 
> Thanks for the kind comments I got last chapter. I'm feel tons better. I've had time to sleep and what not. I also had the stomach bug but that's mostly gone.

John couldn't move, and he was sure it was due to the shock of what had just happened. His ears continued the ring even after the gunshot, and all he was aware of was that Alex was still shaking in his arms, his fingertips were barely touching John's hands. He could hear Alex's shaky breaths in his ear- high pitched and painful as he struggled to take breath after breath. 

He didn't pay attention to the men in front of him, but he expected Charles to kill Burr. He expected him to blow up. He expected him to blow up and destroy John too.. Because if Alex couldn't live- why should John? 

But much to his surprise (to his dismay.. Because if Alex had to suffer, John should too), Charles Lee simply laughed; loud and boisterous as it bounced off of the concrete walls, just like the gunshot had moments before. It cut through John like the bullet should have. Charles had fought to have Alex back, but Alex was an object to him. 

"Aaron, my friend, you are a terrible shot." Charles laughed again, clapping Aaron on his back- he looked disappointed before he sighed in fake defeat. "He was my favorite.. But he's replaceable- he was getting worn out anyway, you know. Doesn't meant anything to me." 

John could feel Alex shake with every word.. 'replaceable'.. 'doesn't mean anything'. John wrapped his arms tighter around him. He was everything. He held him close as if that alone could remind Alex that he was everything. 

Aaron, who had been holding the gun and staring at the two of them in shock, dropped the gun to the ground. He sobbed something that sounded like 'dear God, I'm sorry' and hurried out of the basement. Charles watched them go, shaking his head and turning back to Alex and John. 

"I better go tell him where his kid is before he goes crazy.." He smiled. "And tend to some things. I'll be back for you John. Hopefully it's just the two of us when I return." 

John couldn't find words. He wanted to scream at him. He wanted to kill him- but he couldn't say anything. He just listened as his footsteps become distant with every step he took up the stairs. The door slammed, and John could finally move. 

He sat up, careful not jostle Alex. Despite his careful movement, he could still hear each sharp intake of breath every time he moved Alex too quickly. With bated breath, he turned Alex on his back, cradling him in his arms. He was scared to open his eyes, as he tried to gather his courage. He was scared that Alex would be gone. 

He felt a hand on his cheek, it was soft and wet with blood and he couldn't help but let out an almost hysterical sob when he quickly held on to it, and felt how bloody it was. 

John finally opened his eyes and looked down at Alex. He shook his head as he sobbed again. A gunshot wound to the abdomen- he figured it entered in the flank region, but with his cloudy vision he could be wrong. All he knew was that the front of Alex's shirt was covered in blood. His own shirt was covered in blood. 

Alex had been shot in the abdomen. It could have done damage to his stomach. He could be in the beginning of septic shock, and there was absolutely nothing John could do but hold onto him tightly and pray to whatever God was up there that he could trade places with him. That was supposed to be him. He was supposed to be shot. 

He tried to calm himself when he finally met Alex's eyes. He was looking up at him, terrified- his big brown eyes filled to the brim with tears. John ran a hand over Alex' cheek. His skin was pale, so pale. There was no trace of the golden skin tone that John loved so much. 

Alex was shivering in his arms. He was shivering and bleeding, and John knew- He KNEW.. That Alex would not survive if he couldn't get him help. He was already dying in John's arms as his pink lips turned pale and he watched John's face. He watched John's face as if he trusted John to save his life.. But John couldn't. He couldn't think. He couldn't even find the words. 

"Why did you do that, baby?" John sobbed, pressing a kiss to his hairline as he held onto him tighter..he let out another shaky sob. "T-This should be me, Alex. Not you. Never you." 

Alex shook his head and smiled. Despite his weakness, he lifted up his hands and signed. 'So many people who love you.' 

"They love you too, Alex! Your parents love you. Everyone loves you.." John whispered, he pressed another kiss to Alex's face, rubbing his finger across his cheek- leaving a streak of blood. "Me.. I love you." 

Alex smiled. 'Love me?' 

"I love you so much." John whispered, his heart hammering in his chest as he watched Alex struggle to breath. "That's why you have to hang on. I love you so much. I'll never love anyone as much as I love you." 

'Cold.' 

"I know.. I know, baby." John whispered. "I know it hurts but you have to hold on." 

He could hear a commotion from upstairs; he could hear screaming. John couldn't pay much attention to it... Not when Alex was fading in his arms. He figured it was Aaron fighting with Charles.. Or Charles deciding to turn against one of the hit men. He didn't know, and he couldn't find it in him to care.   
If Charles came down now.. If he shot him, and left him lying next to Alex. He wouldn't care. This was all his fault. This should be him.. Not Alex. 

'Does not hurt.' Alex signed shaking his head. 'Just cold.' 

John's own blood ran cold. He couldn't feel pain- he was dying. He pressed his hand against Alex's abdomen, trying to stop the blood. Alex let out a little cry- and John gave him a hurried apology, as he looked up the stairs at the door- waiting for Charles to come back in. 

Alex tugged on John's shirt.. his lips chattering. He smiled at John and put a bloody finger up to his lips. John leaned down and gave him a kiss, not minding the copper taste. He kissed with desperation, as if that could make this whole thing stop. 

Alex smiled, lighting up his dull brown eyes. John couldn't help but smile back, and he watched as Alex opened up his mouth- forming words.. Almost soundlessly at first. 

And then- 

"I-I.. L-love.. Y-you.." Alex stuttered, words leaving his mouth for the very first time. John watched in amazement and then horror as he struggled to breathe. "J-John." 

He closed his eyes, letting out one more shaky breath. John whispered a "no", gently shaking Alex but he did not stir- his head lolling back. John shook his head and cried, shaking him again, trying to get his eyes to open. 

"No.. Please Alex, please.." He sobbed. It reminded him of being a child, holding onto his father's leg.. Begging him not to make him go to another republican dinner party. Begging him not to make him dress up and be polite. "Please Alex. I love you." 

He kissed his cheek, over and over.. Then his lips. He cried as he kissed his hairline; with each kiss came another "I love you" as if that alone could make him wake up. 

"Please.. Oh God." John whispered. "I love you. I'm so happy I met you. Please wake up.. W-we can move out of New York. We can move to West Virginia. We can get a house like we promised. You can have a library. You can go to school. You can go without me if you want.. I can stay here you can leave.. Just.. Please." 

He was whispering, paying so much attention to Alex that he didn't notice the door open. He didn't hear the frantic footsteps. He didn't feel hands on his shoulders- attempting to shake him out of whatever trance he was in. 

He didn't notice any of this.. 

Not until they tried to pull Alex away from him. 

"No!" He screamed. "I just.. I just found him don't take him from me!" 

He tried to fight off the hands that were grabbing a hold of him.. He flailed, accidentally getting the unknown intruder in the face. He kept fighting until he was pulled into someone's arms. It was a familiar scent.. It smelt like home, and at first he thought it was his mother. 

"John!" The voice let out a choked yell, she was crying too. He turned his head to see Eliza of all people. Eliza was holding onto him. "John.. The police are here. It's over, baby. It's over." 

John turned his head, sure enough there were a swarm of EMTs tending to Alex, a few police officers gathering down the stairs. He could hear Charles' indignant voice from somewhere in the house. He reached for Alex, but Eliza pulled him back. 

"Alex.." He whimpered. 

One of the officers got the chain off of his leg.. And he tried to move towards Alex. Eliza quickly pulled him back again. "He's alive, John. You have to let them help him." She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, a tear streaming down her face and onto his head- and he'd never been so happy to feel her embrace. "You have to let them to their job." 

They got him on a stretcher, an oxygen mask on his face. He was looking paler than ever, as the they jostled him around, his body moving lifelessly. 

"We have to hurry.. We could lose him." He heard one of the EMTs say. 

John sobbed, and he watched as they moved Alex up the stairs. He didn't move. He didn't even move as the others came down stairs and tried to get him to leave. 

He could only look down at the bloodstain.. Where Alex was laying just minutes ago. 

He had to live.. 

He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -Future me cried while writing this, I can already tell you   
> -"Don't go where I can't follow"  
> -John wants Alex to know how much he loves him, but he's running out of time  
> -If you think that John won't feel guilty about this for the rest of his life, you are sorely mistaken.   
> -With shortness of breath, Alex says something and our hearts break.  
> -The squad pulls through  
> -Get you a squad who legit gets the FBI and the EMTs to come with them  
> -AKA.. John would probably be dead if not for his friends
> 
> Please leave me a comment :)


	22. Twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is finally safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE LAST ACTUAL CHAPTER? WHAAAAA? Yes, it is. The next chapter is actually an epilogue. Also.. I have my next fic planned but you guys have to wait until I post it. It's more Alex whump because I'm trash, and I love hurting my trash can son? Idk.. you guys. 
> 
> Thank you guys for reading this. I'm gonna leave all the sappy stuff for the epilogue but.. This is the first story I've actually finished and it's all thanks to your nice comments. Also the first fic where I haven't had like two month where didn't update. It's a big moment for me.

Alex is floating.. But not quite floating. He doesn't know how to explain it. He feels like he's bound to leave his body any minute, as he floats in and out of consciousness. Everything changes in the count of ten.. He decides eventually that it feels like he's underwater. 

Underwater because everything sounds muffled. It reminds him of drowning, and he's struggling to breathe because there's a searing pain in his abdomen now. He wants to cry, because he felt safe with John but as he looks around- John is nowhere to be found. Why couldn't they have left him with John? John kept him safe. He didn't feel any pain with John. He would gladly have died in John's arms. 

Hands are touching him every where. There's something over his mouth and he panics.. Panics because there's a strange man touching him. He's tired of being touched by strange men. He struggles, and lets out a muffled cry as another sharp pain makes it's way through his abdomen. 

"You have to stay still." A voice mumbles.. Maybe the person is mumbling- Alex can't be too sure. Everything sounds like mumbling. The man presses his hands down on Alex's shoulders, gently.. But Alex is sure that he's going to use him; he's going to use him like everyone else did- everyone except for John.. 

Except for his friends. 

"Jesus Christ, Ben.." A female voice speaks up, her voice is also mumbled.. But Alex picks it out from all of the voices because girls have never hurt him. "We just rescued the boy from a.." Alex can't hear that part as his eyes flutter close.. "have some God damn sympathy.." He can't hear her anymore. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.. 

He doesn't stay out for long because he's in the same place.. This time he feels like he's a bit more aware of things. He's on an ambulance. He can hear the sound of the sirens.. He's aware of the lights shining on his face. The girl is holding his eyelid open, while the man.. Ben.. Is keeping his distance and attaching a blood pressure cuff on his arm. 

He makes eye contact with the girl, and she's pretty. She reminds him of Eliza, with her wide brown eyes. She has dirty blonde hair, and gentle hands as she applies pressure to the wound (he's been shot.. He remembers. At least it wasn't John). 

She smiles at him, and he's reminded of his mother. She's so kind and she looks over at the guy, who is saying something about his drop in blood pressure. 

"Hang on, kiddo.." She whispers. "You're safe now. You just have to hang on." 

Alex wants to protest. He wants to tell her that he's probably the same age as she is.. Or maybe older. But he can't move his hands. He feels numb everywhere, and he wonders vaguely if he's paralyzed- or if they gave him something where he can't move. 

But.. That doesn't matter because he spoke didn't he? He spoke to John. He felt safe. He knew that John would protect him, or he would die and Charles wouldn't be able to touch him again. Either one made him feel safe.. 

He goes to open his mouth. He's only able to get "Th-" out before he blacks out again. A bright light shines in his eyes and he's sure that he's probably dying.. Maybe he's dead. 

It's such a shame.. He wanted to thank her. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.. 

He feels weaker when he wakes up this time- like he's barely hanging on by a thread. He can barely move his head as they race him down the hall. He's still on a stretcher, but he's surrounded by so many people. He feels himself get nervous when he looks around at all of the people. 

There's a doctor.. At the foot of the bed, leading the way. There's at least four nurses, on his left and right.. 

There's a nurse on top of him. He finds that funny. She looks similar to the lady in the ambulance, but she has brown hair.. Tan skin.. Now she REALLY looks like his mother- or what Alex imagined his mom would look like. Her gloved hands are on top of his abdomen, and her other hand is settled on his chest. 

He remembers something like this on Grey's Anatomy, because Peggy loved that show.. But John.. John always thought it was too rude to nurses. He hated watching it with Peggy and him. He would always make an offhand comment every time a doctor did something on the show. "That's actually a nurses' job." He would mumble, and Alex would laugh as   
Peggy shushed him. 

Alex knew what she was doing. She was on top of him, just in case his heart stopped. She could do CPR on him- or maybe she was trying to stop the blood.. Alex wasn't sure.   
He found himself disappointed. He'll never be able to know if Meredith and Derek ended up together. They ended on season three.. Hopefully they do.. 

Alex thought they were cute together. 

One, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.. 

Alex literally fades in and out of consciousness.. It's harder to breath and he can hear voices around him. A female voice is speaking.. 

"Alexander Hamilton. He's twenty-five years old. GSW to the abdomen.." Her voice is gone now- or maybe Alex's hearing is gone because he doesn't hear anything as he looks around him. Everything is bright and he's sure he's dying. 

He's sure of it.. Because standing between the two nurses is his mother. She's smiling at him- holding onto his hand and she's cold. She's so cold, and she leans down and kisses his forehead. He lets out the breath he had been holding, and he can't seem to take another one in. 

There's a loud beeping sound, and yelling.. He thinks the people around him are shouting.. And it's loud but distant. He closes his eyes to get away from it all. 

When he opens his eyes, he's looking down at himself. It's such an odd feeling, standing next to your unconscious body. 

He's gone, but the doctor isn't giving up. She says something like 'charge to 150' and the nurse nods, and then those paddles are on his chest.. And his body is lifting off the bed from the electricity. He watches as the doctor becomes desperate.. Tells the nurse to charge even more. 

He looks over at his mother, and she shakes her head. 

It's not his time to go. 

He has to live. 

X 

John felt out of place in the waiting room, and he couldn't stop his knees from shaking with anticipation. He was so used to coming out to the waiting room and updating family members about their loved ones' condition. He felt out of place. 

It was also strangely quiet for a waiting room, but John tried to ignore that as he stared up at the television. He could feel Peggy's hand on his arm. They both most likely could benefit for medical care, with the cut on Peggy's hairline.. And John's nose. He had been so sure that it had been broken, but now he could see that it wasn't the case. 

Eliza's hand reached out and stopped his leg before he could bounce it more. She looked at him and smiled gently. "You're making me nervous." 

John nodded and attempted to stop. It was the only thing keeping him sane. His mind kept racing, telling him that it was all his fault. He should be the one being worked on.. That   
should be him. He looked around at his friends. They all looked as upset as he did- he couldn't tell them of his guilt. They didn't have time for that. 

"Please live." John whispered into his hands. He would do anything if Alex could just live.. He would give him up if that's what it took. 

They had been waiting out here for hours.. Without any word of how he was doing. John didn't know if he was doing well, or if there was a chance he would be die. John looked down at his hands. He still had blood crusted in his nails, Alex's blood. He still his blood on his face, from where he had repeatedly kissed Alex's cheeks. 

He had tried to fall asleep.. But every time he closed his eyes he remembered the way Alex's face had looked when he realized he'd been shot. He remembers the way Alex had felt in his arms. He remembers too much, and he doesn't want to fall asleep when there's a chance Alex may not survive. 

He let out a nervous huff of air as he rested his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands. He smelled like blood but he couldn't find it in him to care. 

"John." He heard Angelica whisper. 

He looked up in time to see an anxious looking doctor approach him. He was still dressed in his surgical wear as he walked towards the anxious group. John recognized him as a doctor he'd worked with before. He knew the way he looked when he was giving bad news, and John's heart sank when he saw that his face was unreadable. 

John stood, already looking heartbroken. The doctor seemed to notice this as he gave John what looked like a disarming smile. 

"It was touch and go." The doctor explained. "He coded before we got him into surgery, but we were able to bring him back. We were worried he was too weak for surgery, and he coded once more on the table but he's fairly stable now." 

"Fairly?" Eliza questioned. 

"We have him in a medically induced coma right now." The doctor explained. "He is intubated, in order to help him breathe and it should be a few days before he wakes up."   
John's knees shook with relief, as he sat back down. He didn't notice he was crying until he went to speak and his voice cracked. "I-Is there any damage?" 

The doctor frowned. "He's lucky the bullet barely missed his spinal cord- although it did enter in the flank region, and did quite a bit of damage to his pancreas. We won't know until he wakes up but he may be insulin dependent if that's the case." 

John took the words in. Insulin dependent. Diabetic. They could live with that. He could help Alex get through that. But his heart hurt because it was just another thing Alex had to deal with. It was another thing on his plate. Pancreatic injuries often went ignored, which more often than not led to death. Alex was lucky.. In the big picture, Alex was lucky to be alive. 

"Can I see him.. Please." John whispered. He already knew what the answer was.. He'd been a nurse long enough to know that visiting hours were over and he would not be permitted to see Alex. He wasn't family. "Look, I know-I know that I shouldn't be able to.. But he doesn't like to be alone. I work here. I'm a great nurse, I know the rules.. Just.. Please?" 

The doctor looked conflicted as he looked around. His eyes settled on John and he nodded gently. "Sure.. Come with me." 

John looked at his friends; he felt bad because he knew they loved him too- but to his surprise they looked happy for him. He pressed a kiss to Peggy's head before he turned to follow the doctor. "I'll make sure to tell him that you guys are waiting for him." 

He was used to the walk up to the ICU, but this time was different. He wasn't here to hand off a patient to the night nurse in ICU.. He was here to see Alex. He didn't say a word to the doctor as he escorted John to the room. 

When they entered, Abigail was tending to Alex. She'd transferred up to ICU recently, and when she did John had jokingly referred to her as a "traitor", but now he was almost thankful to see that he was in good hands. He could of hugged her. 

He looked down and saw Alex- with the tube down his throat. He looked relaxed, and John had only seen him look like that when they were lying next to each other.. But there was no pleasant smile.. And he was still so pale. John approached Alex, telling the doctor he would only be a minute. 

The doctor nodded, and left the room. When John was alone with Abigail and Alex, he finally allowed himself to cry. It was quiet as he ran a hand over Alex's cheek, admiring the way Alex's eyelashes cast a shadow over his cheekbones. 

"So.." Abigail said in a whisper. She sat beside John and placed a hand on John's shoulder. "This is the boy that stole John Laurens' heart." 

"Yes." He smiled tearfully, he took a moment to take in Abigail's kind face. "Please take good care of him." 

Abigail smiled and nodded. "I'm a great nurse, John. He's in good hands." 

X 

They contacted the Washingtons' that night.. And John wasn't at all that shocked to see that they were present everyday. They seemed to be a bit surprised that John seemed to never leave Alex's side. Although, they seemed to regard this with a sense of pride and they made sure to take care of John whenever he looked as if he wasn't taking care of himself. 

When Alex didn't wake up the second day.. John had been on the edge. He stayed by Alex's side that entire day, because when he woke up.. He didn't want him to be alone. When he had to leave, he was prepared to make sure that Abigail knew that he didn't want Alex to wake up alone. 

On the third day, George nearly jumped when he walked in and saw that John was still by Alex's bed. He hadn't left the hospital, opting to stay in his car (much to Eliza's dismay). He knew he seemed exhausted by the look of pity George gave him. 

"Son.. Have you even been home?" George asked, setting a new bouquet of flowers by Alex's bedside. He tried to organize them the best he could, but eventually gave up- turning back to John. "He's going to be here when you get back.." 

George winced when he realized his poor choice of wording, but John didn't mind. He tried to give the older man a tired smile but it didn't meet his eyes. "I-I don’t want him waking up and I'm not here. He doesn't like being alone." 

George nodded as he pulled up a chair next to him. John felt uncomfortable as George studied his face.. The bags under his eyes and his messy curls. He turned to meet George's eyes, and the older man sighed. 

"We decided.. We're going to stay in New York, when Alex wakes up." George said, and John was grateful he didn't say 'if' Alex wakes up.. Because that's the way John had been thinking for the past three days. "He loves it here.. And he loves you. Also, there's not much for us in West Virginia. I think I'll set up a new firm here." 

"Alex will love that." John smiled, looking down at the unconscious boy. 

"In plus, I heard about the injury to his pancreas.. He'll need your help." George explained. 

John nodded, but stayed quiet. He didn't want to tell George that none of this would have happened if he'd only been shot like he was supposed to be. John felt so much guilt every time he looked down at Alex, but he didn't want to leave him. Alex didn't deserve that. 

But, Alex didn't deserve to be shot either. 

"Something wrong, son?" George asked. 

He placed a comforting hand on John's shoulder and he couldn't help the shaky sob he let out as he shook his head. He was so terrible at keeping these things to himself. George was such a comforting presence- something he always imagined a father should be. 

"He.. I.. I was the one who should be shot." John explained. "He aimed at me. The bullet was meant for me. But Alex pushed me out of the way. I-I should have pushed him off.. I should have.." 

Should have what? His mind supplied. The reasonable part of his brain realized that there wasn't much he could do.. If he had been shot it would most likely be in the chest- he would be dead. Alex would be feeling the guilt he's feeling now. 

"Did you fire the gun, John?" George asked. 

"N-No.. Sir." John whispered. 

"Then it isn't your fault." George explained, he readjusted himself in his seat and looked at John. "I've struggled a long time.. With guilt. When they took Alexander from us- I blamed myself everyday. If I had only been quicker. If I wouldn't have let him out of my sight. Every time Martha cried.. I hated myself." 

John closed his eyes as George squeezed his shoulder. "It isn't your fault, boy. Alex loves you. I'm sure that he would have done it a million times over if that meant you'd be okay." 

X 

Alex woke up on day four, and John was in the food court when it happened. They'd taken the tube out on the third night, and things were looking up now that Alex could breathe on his own. Martha had finally managed to talk him into eating something, with the help of Eliza. 

He'd been getting some fries when he heard a frantic voice yelling his name. He turned his head to see Peggy pushing her way through a crowd of people, ignoring their insults as she cut in front of them. She finally made it to him, breathless. "It's Alex.." 

John's heart dropped and Peggy seemed to notice his frown because she hurried to catch her breath. "He's awake John! He wants you." 

John dropped his tray, paying no mind as the cashier asked him if he still wanted his food. He felt slightly bad that his food most likely spilled everywhere, and he made a promise to himself to give the cashier a tip next time he ate in the cafeteria. 

He'd never ran so fast in his life, racing to the elevator.. And then opting for the stairs when the elevator wasn't moving fast enough. He could hear Peggy huffing behind him, telling him that she "can't run that fast" and that "it's no fair, my legs are short." 

When he turned the corner, he could almost cry when he saw that Alex's eyes were open. He forgot how much he missed them until he met Alex's gaze. His face lit up, and the smile on his face was something John thought he'd never see again. 

He let out a sob as he approached Alex, gathering him in his arms- careful not to hurt him. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to ask Alex why.. Why did he do that for John? Didn't he know that he was extraordinary? 

But John could only cry as he buried his face in Alex's hair, kissing the top of his head like he'd done so many times before. 

His hand met Alex's face and he was warm. He was warm to the touch. John could finally see the color making it's way to Alex's face. 

Alex pulled away, and it took a minute to realize that Alex was speaking.. He was so quiet. John leaned in closer so he could hear him. 

"S-safe?" Alex whispered, pointing to himself. 

John let out a watery chuckled and smiled, nodding his head. "Yes.." He pressed another kiss to his forehead. "You're safe. They're going to be locked up for a long time, and no one can hurt you anymore." 

And no one would hurt Alex, he would make sure of it. 

The rest of the day was no doubt tiring for Alex, as he tried his best to make out words for his friends and family who wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. They all left when Alex had fallen asleep, but John stayed where he was. 

John's held on tightly to Alex's hand. He couldn't help but think about where he was months ago, without Alex in life. He couldn't help but think about how far Alex had come. 

He'd had no one when he started living with John.. Now he had a family.. Friends. 

Now John had someone he could love. 

John had never felt so lucky to hit someone with his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate summaries via my notebook: 
> 
> -THE END  
> -I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE  
> -WILL ALEX LIVE? (HE DOES)  
> -ALEX THINKS ABOUT GREY'S ANATOMY WHILE DYING AND.. SAME  
> -JOHN BLAMES HIMSELF  
> -GEORGE DOES TOO THO  
> -I'M DED
> 
> Thank you for your continue support of this story, please leave me a comment~


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later; there are still struggles to be conquered, but our boys are tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the last update for this story (of course their our one-shots to be written; but the last update for the main fic). Thank you all so much for your comments, they've gotten me through like.. the hardest days of this semester (which there have been many). 
> 
> This is the first fic I've actually finished, and it's all thanks to you guys. Honestly, updating every week brought me such joy because I knew I would get comments that would make me smile all day. I would read them after clinical and smile all the way home. 
> 
> I love you guys, and I can't wait to write more for you. 
> 
> ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.. tomorrow. I'm really sick right now. Like really sick. Like I haven't left my bed until five sick, and I'm running a pretty high temperature, so I decided to post this a day before my b-day, since I'll be busy tomorrow.

_1 year later_

He expected to find Alex asleep when he walked into their tiny apartment. In their one year together, John found that Alex liked to curl up on the couch while he was at work. Since he recently took the job as his father's aide at his newly established law firm, John would usually find him asleep with his laptop open- glasses haphazardly falling off his face. 

"Alex?" He called, placing his half-eaten take-out box of hibachi on the table. "Where are you at, babe?" Despite the security John and Alex felt ever since Charles Lee's arrest, he could never help the way his heart skipped a beat whenever Alex didn't respond right away. 

"I-In here J-John." Came the reply he'd been waiting for- it was almost too quiet to hear, but John smiled anyway.. Making his way towards the room his boyfriend had set aside to be his own personal library. 

The apartment wasn't very big, only two bedrooms and one bath. George and Martha had been more than happy to help Alex and John (their sons.. Because he'd practically been adopted by the Washingtons ever since they came into their lives) get the apartment. 

It was partly due to the fact that Alex really wanted to live in the city, and more to due with the fact that neither John or Alex felt very comfortable in the old house after everything that happened. John could never stop looking at the spot where he'd found Peggy on the ground (Peggy herself was never comfortable staying in the house).. And Alex couldn't stand to be left in any of the rooms alone. 

But that was all in the past now, because as John walked into the average-sized room he couldn't help but grin at his boyfriend. Alex was resting on his knees, with his grey sweater pulled up over his forearms.. Glaring at the bookshelf like it had offended him in some way. In one hand he held one of his many books. 

"Everything okay, babe?" John smirked, leaning against the doorway. 

Alex glared playfully at John, tugging on a strand of stray black hair that'd fallen in his face. It took a second for him to gather his words, he shook his head. "P-Put them in o-order now it.. L-looks wrong." He motioned towards the bookshelf. 

John nodded as if it made the most sense to him, but to be honest he never really knew the thoughts that went through Alex's head- but he wasn't complaining. One of his favorite things about living alone with Alex, is that he got to know more of Alex's personality. 

He was almost loyal to a fault, stubborn, and passionate- and John loved everything about it. Despite the stutter he developed after speaking, he could still talk about one subject for hours- not caring who grew tired of his voice. John wished that Alex could gain the confidence to talk like that in public, but he knew that they were taking one step at a time. 

"Have you eaten?" John asked, knowing Alex's habit of not eating anything all day- or worse taking insulin and not eating all day (which had led to quite a few scares and arguments between the two of them). 

"Mhmm.." Alex hummed. "M-Martha c-came. Took me o-out." 

"Good." John smiled, sitting down next to Alex and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "Did you take your insulin?" 

"M'n-not _that_ irresponsible.. J-John." Alex pouted, rolling his eyes. John gave him a pointed look and Alex playfully pushed John's shoulder, sticking out his tongue at him. "O-One time, and you n-never let me live it d-down." 

John didn't respond, but his eyes lit up as he watched Alex turn back to his handiwork, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear that had come loose from his ponytail. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Alex sometimes (and if he was paying attention, he would see that Alex couldn't keep his eyes off of him either). 

So much had changed in a year, and John had never envisioned his life so.. Domestic, if he was being quite honest. He'd never considered himself that 'wild' but he never really had a routine either. Hitting someone with his car and then taking him in, falling in love with him, and then taking down a sex-ring with his odd group of friends.. That was something out of a novel that John had never envisioned for himself. 

It was hard, even still- for him.. But definitely for Alex. There were times where Alex would lock himself in his room, not wanting to be touched. There were times where Alex would wake up screaming, and John couldn't get him to calm down. There were times where Alex looked at John like he didn't know who he was.. And then there were the times where Alex would completely become nonverbal and they would sign for weeks on end. 

But they could afford to get him help now. He saw a therapist twice a week- and some sessions were easier than others. They had diagnosed him with PTSD, and neither of them had been surprised with that. 

John was patient, and that's the only thing that he could do. Becoming intimate was something that Alex had recently decided he was ready for, and that had taken awhile (not that John minded, he could spend his entire life just talking to Alex.. Holding him, and he would content). 

It still scared him, not knowing if there was anyone else out there who meant Alex harm. There'd been more victims, and it had been an entire underground ring that fell right under their noses. Charles Lee was gone, along with the others. But Aaron Burr had gotten away. 

It didn't bother Alex as much as it bothered John. Alex felt a small sense of gratitude towards Burr that John failed to understand. Alex saw Burr as the guy who had let him go, allowed him to meet John. In his mind Aaron was a good man, underneath it all- a man so dedicated to his daughter that he would kill. 

John saw him as a coward. 

They didn't talk about him, and it didn't matter.. Last time John heard, Aaron had moved to London with his daughter. 

There was nothing that could hurt Alex, except the memories of what had happened. He had a great support group. 

Maria and Eliza lived close to where John and Alex lived- stopping by for dinner once a week. They had gotten married just a few months before, and were talking about maybe having a child one day, now that they were financially ready. The two argued playfully over which one would carry the child- although John knew Maria had already made up her mind, and it would be Eliza. 

Lafayette and Hercules lived about an hour away, but they never hesitated to stop by and bring new books for Alex- despite John's argument that he already had TOO many books. 

Then there was Peggy who practically made their apartment (Or Eliza and Maria's) her second home, crashing on their couch whenever she had the chance. 

Alex and John had a village. 

John pressed a kiss to Alex's lips, the other boy leaning into it and pressing his hands against John's cheeks. "I love you." John smiled. 

Alex smiled back, nuzzling his nose into John's neck. John could feel him smiling. 

It was almost a whisper, but John could here it plain as day. 

"I love you t-too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment~ 
> 
> Also, I thought giving Alex a stutter was appropriate. I had one when I was little because I didn't speak full sentences until the age of four. I guess I was selectively mute, but I was just really shy. I was in speech until I was ten because I had such a bad stutter. I use to stutter on consonants and the letter 'O'.. so that's why I chose to give that to Alex. 
> 
> By the way, once again, I am very sick so editing may be a bit wonky for the epilogue- I'm sorry if that's the case. 
> 
> Thank you so much :)


End file.
